The Emperor Mongs Pronouncements

A mate of mine was a stand in teacher at a secondary school, don't know which lesson he was supervising. During the session, a young girl for some reason only known to her stuck a file into the overhead lighting sockety thing which didn't have a bulb on it .
After the bang, it all went dark .

Just made me remember . In 1980/81 AAC Harrogate . Doing some mind blowing theory we never used , class A , B , C amplifiers . WTF . R. Sigs never thought about silicon transistors? . Anyway one AT tech thought ? What would happen if I put the ends of this compass (drawing tool) into the neg and pos sockets on the socket in front of me and turn it on ?

Well a Big Bang , power lost and you will be going to Catterick to train as a driver.
 

Joshua Slocum

LE
Book Reviewer
We had a joinery shop foreman, who was frankly mentally challenged even before a lifetime of drink and drugs, left to oversee a sparky connect a big old woodworking machine up
Told quite clearly to simply start the machine and check direction of rotation
Clearly marked on a flywheel
The machine was about 40 years old but top quality and hard to get hold off
Mongo brains sends the sparky away without checking
Then decided to try the machine, starts up engages gear, and a massive explosion as a cast iron mandrel and chuck do the wrong thing
40kgs of cast iron chuck span upwards through the roof like a UFO
2 metre square hole in roof
Bits of shrapnel embedded everywhere and
300kgs of scrap iron machine
Frankly he should have been sacked on the spot
Luckily it was a Friday afternoon and everybody had gone home or somebody would have been killed
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
We had a joinery shop foreman, who was frankly mentally challenged even before a lifetime of drink and drugs, left to oversee a sparky connect a big old woodworking machine up
Told quite clearly to simply start the machine and check direction of rotation
Clearly marked on a flywheel
The machine was about 40 years old but top quality and hard to get hold off
Mongo brains sends the sparky away without checking
Then decided to try the machine, starts up engages gear, and a massive explosion as a cast iron mandrel and chuck do the wrong thing
40kgs of cast iron chuck span upwards through the roof like a UFO
2 metre square hole in roof
Bits of shrapnel embedded everywhere and
300kgs of scrap iron machine
Frankly he should have been sacked on the spot
Luckily it was a Friday afternoon and everybody had gone home or somebody would have been killed


I was at a customer site when they had a big rumbling noise followed by a bang and silence from the production area.

a machine that spins molten metal for centrifugal casting was off balance. It sent the spinning drum of molten metal weighing several tons out of the machine, through the building wall spraying molten aluminium everywhere. It burnt the gas line, a high voltage power line and set fire to the fire extinguisher.
had it gone in the other direction it would have taken out several members of staff and a pile of welding bottles

I heard one of them say "is this a reportable incident?"
 
I was a Pinky, which is RN speak for radio, radar etc - electronics mainly. There was still a lot of very high voltage valve stuff around, so we were taught to put one hand in our pocket or behind our back when working on kit like this.

One ship had a massive, open (OPEN FFS!!) sort of framework, with this humungous great throbbing valve in the middle. It was built not long after WW2 - so that old, but still in use.This valve had to be tuned while the kit was warmed up and running. So young Sonar Bender, who was a trainee radar bender at the time got the brown woven looking valve tuning thing - like a long and thin screwdriver, and recalling the excellent RN training, tucked the left hand in the pocket.

Leant forward, set valve adjuster on several thousand volts and...... bang! I was thrown right across the compartment and the lads were wetting themselves. You see, ships are made out of steel and elbows in pockets stick out at an angle, so it is quite possible to get an elbow/bulkhead interface moment - completing the circuit! My how we laughed....


Serious bit - a lad from my Mech's course died from more or less the same thing but on more modern equipment ( a large Standing Wave tube). He'd decided to to it by himself instead of waiting for his lad to turn up.
 
Last couple of stories remind me of a famous Darwin Award regarding a US Navy Sailor that decided to measure his body's internal resistance, so he pierced the multimeter probes through his skin and turned it on to the "ohms" setting.

 
Ja, ich auch

Coupling up two new 180aH 12v batteries on the boat yesterday.

EM: Hurry up, minion! times moving fast and the lights failing.

Idiot: Yes'm, Sir.

Followed by a moments inattention, followed by the ring spanner completing the circuit, followed by all muscles going wibbly-wobbly.

I'm convinced that my fillings sparked, too.

*sigh*
I installed a battery on mine once.

Arrse about face.

The entire fuseboard blew, and I had to borrow the fuses out of my motorbike to see what I was doing for the rest of the evening.
 
Back in the last century, a certain F1 team, who are still around under a different name, did a deal for an engine. Being a shyster wheeler dealer, the boss did a deal with a data acquisition company for the engine management system, rather than use the one supplied with the engine.

With any high performance engine comes a dry sump, so lubrication is key. Crank it slowly, increasing speed until oil pressure comes up, then fire up the ignition system.

Software bods hadn't thought of this, so, on first turn of the crankshaft, it sets an idle of 8k RPM. The whole volume of oil in the dry sump exits through the end of the side pod mounted oil cooler. Oil sprayed over the factory, cooler end embedded in the roof on the far side.

No one injured, luckily.
 

Blogg

LE
The Dread Emperor finds HR functions a rich source of easy wins. Especially those where any actual work is outsourced to distant lands.

"US flyover state based mortals, pretend you love all those ever moaning and ungrateful Brits by giving a paltry token of esteem on your Turkey Day!"

" Great idea Mong! We will really lean into that one. Kerr-Ann, get your people to send them all one of those damn discount vouchers we can't get rid of..."

"But....."

"No buts. Mong has spoken!"

Thus it was all Brits got a badly drafted email in poor English inviting them to click here to get their free voucher!!!

1. Cue mass reporting of Phishing attack.

2. Those who did actually click found themselves with a discount code only valid for use against a limited range of shite all carrying corporate logo of our US parent company. The one we don't use.

3. The vendor does not ship outside US
 

SO110369

Clanker
I was at a customer site when they had a big rumbling noise followed by a bang and silence from the production area.

a machine that spins molten metal for centrifugal casting was off balance. It sent the spinning drum of molten metal weighing several tons out of the machine, through the building wall spraying molten aluminium everywhere. It burnt the gas line, a high voltage power line and set fire to the fire extinguisher.
had it gone in the other direction it would have taken out several members of staff and a pile of welding bottles

I heard one of them say "is this a reportable incident?"
The scene: Ottawa International Airport, not that many years ago.

CTX machine (hold baggage explosive detector...think the hospital MRI/CT you get stuffed into, but on a grand scale) is is happily doing it's oversized luggage scanning thing when it suddenly decides to spontaneously and spectacular disassemble itself. The big spinny thing inside launches a several-pound part of itself through the side of the machine, creating a roughly two foot hole, and said part then travels at warp speed about fifty feet downrange and imbeds itself into a solid concrete wall.

The flying bit missed the operators head by inches. Reduced her to a gibbering wreck who went on stress leave and, as far as I recall, never returned. Took several months to figure out how to get the thing repaired, and when that idea was shelved, several more to replace it, given it was the size of a truck deep in the bowels of the building. During which time all hold luggage had to be hand inspected, to nobody's great pleasure.

I was working one floor down in the sub basement at the time. I thought we'd been bombed.
 
"Go on my pretty, shove that gat up your chuff for a few more tokens off some faceless creep on the T'internet, what could possibly go wrong..?"

Bang!

(Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!)

 
"Go on my pretty, shove that gat up your chuff for a few more tokens off some faceless creep on the T'internet, what could possibly go wrong..?"

Bang!

(Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!)


From the comments...

Don't film without a competent armorer on the set.
 

Joshua Slocum

LE
Book Reviewer
"Go on my pretty, shove that gat up your chuff for a few more tokens off some faceless creep on the T'internet, what could possibly go wrong..?"

Bang!

(Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!)

Is that where the phrase split arse comes from?
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
"Was it a revulva...?"
Istr seeing a picture of an automatic (but I don't gaf). Maybe she thought the mag was a battery?
 
Teaching in a computer lab in NZ.
One of my teachers is taking a class next door to mine, and I can see them through a window between the 2 classrooms.

In his class.

EM: "Hello young Kiwi idiot"

YKI: "Kiaora Bro"

EM: "Have you ever wondered what would happen if you flicked the voltage selector switch on the back of a computer, like that one your mate is using on the other side of the bench, from 240 to 120, while it was still powered up?"

YKI: "Yeah Nah"

EM: "FFS, don't you colonials speak English?" "Move the switch minion"

YKI: "Ah don't heve eh screwdrivah Eh"

EM: "That ballpoint pen you're sucking the ink out of would fit"

YKI: "Straight Up?"

EM: (sigh) "Yeah, straight up" "It'll be sweet"

YKI: "Righto" "Eh'll give et eh go"

BANG

All the computers in both rooms go dead.

All eyes lock onto the student, now trying to hide under the bench below the now smoking remains of a systems unit.

Strong smell of burning plastic, metal, with just a wisp of Sulphur.

YKI and I have a pleasant chat with him, his Dad, the Principal. Without coffee.

Dad's expression when we gave him the bill for a new system was not pleasant.

YKI's expression; scared shitless. Dad was known to believe in the heavy handed approach to discipline.

YKI said "Eh don't know whet mide me do it" Eht was like a voice in ma head giving me orders." "And efter eh did it, eh heard the voice say Kai Pai"

CCTC cameras did pick up a cloaked figure , but the haze of purple smoke was too thick for identification.



Note Kai Pai is Te Reo (Maōri language ) for Well Done.
Only one “Like”, regrettably, as capturing sense of the alliterative/phonetic interpretation is worthy of another as it‘s pretty much spot-on for the denizens of Sydney’s largest South-Eastern suburb.
 

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