The Emperor Mongs Pronouncements

Kirkz

LE
Book Reviewer
That hospital has a secure unit as it's part of the same NHS trust that includes Broadmoor, just sayin'.
Can't be that secure, loads of nutters seem to find their way in.
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
Can't be that secure, loads of nutters seem to be working there.

they have a cafe run by patients.

I have never had a meal there that could possibly hide glass in it.
 

Londo

LE
they have a cafe run by patients.

I have never had a meal there that could possibly hide glass in it.
It's when the waiter at your table asks " How do you shit , does it come out looooong " ? and gets all excited , I would start worrying about my food .
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
It's when the waiter at your table asks " How do you shit , does it come out looooong " ? and gets all excited , I would start worrying about my food .


any waiter in there is a walt.
 
Steady on, at that rate you'll be needing a skeleton bob.

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Even then you'd probably need to lose the helmet.
 
A mate of mine used to be a dispatch rider, she was in some ghastly midlands town in the pissing rain.
she managed to get her bike front wheel lodged in a storm drain.
loads of traffic just went past and ignored her struggling, nearby was a bloke sat in a car.
she went over and said something along the lines of 'can you give me a hand?'

his response was

"I'd love to, only I've got no legs"

She looks down and it was true, he had no legs.

She was naturally horrified (legless chap was amused and got his brother who was in the house to give her a hand.

Had to go to work in Denver a few years ago. Got an upgrade on BA to the world traveler with another older chap. Turns out he was RAF going to the Cheyenne mountain as well. Had a beer as we waited for the rest of the passengers get on board. Then all the BLESMA chaps got on board . Pilot said what was happening they were going on a sking trip and and they were being upgraded to first class. Great . One of the trolly dollies came by and asked if we needed more beer . Yes please and get a round in for the men in front , “ they will all be legless in a few hours” . RAF bloke pissed himself laughing and the trolly dolly just had a look of WTF on her face. Good trip .
 
EM: Hey young Gunner, tell you what get your self medically discharged, claim loads of dosh and then party it up...

Dropshort: But surely I will get caught.

EM: Nah, wrap your feet in ice and it will fool them for are the MOD not a bunch of numpties.

DS: Fair point my purpled robed friend, I will get to it forthwith ( as if a gunner could come up with words like forthwith)

fast forward a few months......

EM: Go on have a bit of a boogie, your feet are better and you got loads of compo

DS: Yeah why not, who's going to know.

and with that a whiff of sulphur and a glimpse of purple he is gone.

 

ches

LE
Had to go to work in Denver a few years ago. Got an upgrade on BA to the world traveler with another older chap. Turns out he was RAF going to the Cheyenne mountain as well. Had a beer as we waited for the rest of the passengers get on board. Then all the BLESMA chaps got on board . Pilot said what was happening they were going on a sking trip and and they were being upgraded to first class. Great . One of the trolly dollies came by and asked if we needed more beer . Yes please and get a round in for the men in front , “ they will all be legless in a few hours” . RAF bloke pissed himself laughing and the trolly dolly just had a look of WTF on her face. Good trip .

Gen dit. Mucka of ours lost his legs on a Telic (the absent minded bugger) & we subsequently did a charidee bike ride in late 00s Manchester to Blackpool - with one of the NHS charities. We got four bikes, strapped a stretcher (ok scaffold platform) between the four bikes, with the EM saying this would work a treat. We sat our oppo on the stretcher with his collection bucket & we'd cycle..........worked fine for about 3 miles until the legless gimp rolled off the front of the stretcher, we ended up running over him, much to the horror of bystanders. Result was a lump of swearing laughing blokes, 4 bikes all over the place & the scaffold stretcher ripped off its strappings.

From then on, he was known as speed bump. Still is.
 
Gen dit. Mucka of ours lost his legs on a Telic (the absent minded bugger) & we subsequently did a charidee bike ride in late 00s Manchester to Blackpool - with one of the NHS charities. We got four bikes, strapped a stretcher (ok scaffold platform) between the four bikes, with the EM saying this would work a treat. We sat our oppo on the stretcher with his collection bucket & we'd cycle..........worked fine for about 3 miles until the legless gimp rolled off the front of the stretcher, we ended up running over him, much to the horror of bystanders. Result was a lump of swearing laughing blokes, 4 bikes all over the place & the scaffold stretcher ripped off its strappings.

From then on, he was known as speed bump. Still is.

Quality.
 
Gen dit. Mucka of ours lost his legs on a Telic (the absent minded bugger) & we subsequently did a charidee bike ride in late 00s Manchester to Blackpool - with one of the NHS charities. We got four bikes, strapped a stretcher (ok scaffold platform) between the four bikes, with the EM saying this would work a treat. We sat our oppo on the stretcher with his collection bucket & we'd cycle..........worked fine for about 3 miles until the legless gimp rolled off the front of the stretcher, we ended up running over him, much to the horror of bystanders. Result was a lump of swearing laughing blokes, 4 bikes all over the place & the scaffold stretcher ripped off its strappings.

From then on, he was known as speed bump. Still is.
I think you have just surmised the entire raison d'etre of being a squaddie with that one post.

Thank you kindly.

Brilliant.
 
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TamH70

MIA
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