The Emperor Mongs Pronouncements

Last week...
Toppers manager "there is your list of delegates for next weeks course"
Toppers "anything I need to know?"
TM "nope, just another super user course"

This week

Toppers - uses words like "see" and "look" also "visually" and "watch" in the intro

Delegate "I'm blind, didn't TM tell you?"


EM "mwahahahahaaaaaaaa"

answer ... "Me too - didn't he tell you either ?"
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
answer ... "Me too - didn't he tell you either ?"

The blind chap was OK about it all.

my teams message to my manager


Toppers "TM, anything you want to tell me about this weeks delegates?"
TM "errr - no.."
Toppers "how about P*** being ******* BLIND?"
TM " F**K"
 
The blind chap was OK about it all.

my teams message to my manager


Toppers "TM, anything you want to tell me about this weeks delegates?"
TM "errr - no.."
Toppers "how about P*** being ******* BLIND?"
TM " F**K"
I had to give a Parts Manager some bad news about some critical items he'd been promised.
"Pete, bad news, I'm afraid, are you sitting down?"
"Of course I'm sitting down, I've been in a chair for 5 years!"

Pete had MS; I'd forgotten that.
 
I had to give a Parts Manager some bad news about some critical items he'd been promised.
"Pete, bad news, I'm afraid, are you sitting down?"
"Of course I'm sitting down, I've been in a chair for 5 years!"

Pete had MS; I'd forgotten that.

I did something similar. A wheelchair user asked me how I was getting on with something. Replied with an old cliche "I think I've broken it's back" Ooops!
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
I had to give a Parts Manager some bad news about some critical items he'd been promised.
"Pete, bad news, I'm afraid, are you sitting down?"
"Of course I'm sitting down, I've been in a chair for 5 years!"

Pete had MS; I'd forgotten that.

A mate of mine used to be a dispatch rider, she was in some ghastly midlands town in the pissing rain.
she managed to get her bike front wheel lodged in a storm drain.
loads of traffic just went past and ignored her struggling, nearby was a bloke sat in a car.
she went over and said something along the lines of 'can you give me a hand?'

his response was

"I'd love to, only I've got no legs"

She looks down and it was true, he had no legs.

She was naturally horrified (legless chap was amused and got his brother who was in the house to give her a hand.
 

Seadog

ADC
Meth dealer selling catalytic converters online gets picked up by the FBI because he posted ad with a bag of meth clearly visible



View attachment 608381
While the emperor may have been in attendance, I don't see reference in the link to the FBI. This level of crime isn't their 'part of ship'.
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
don't poo in the fields





A message posted in a private Facebook group stressed there are no toilet facilities around the base and people have been seen sleeping in their cars overnight in the expectation of dawn movements.
 
I had to give a Parts Manager some bad news about some critical items he'd been promised.
"Pete, bad news, I'm afraid, are you sitting down?"
"Of course I'm sitting down, I've been in a chair for 5 years!"

Pete had MS; I'd forgotten that.
Had a colleague who was undergoing all sorts of tests as he clearly was physically buggered up but all sorts of docs couldn't quite work out what was wrong with him.
He finally got the definitive prognosis and decided to share it with the rest of the team in the Custom House bar (clearly a visit from the Emperor).
"OK, its been diagnosed, I've got MS."
Cue lots of phews and thank fcuk it's not cancer etc.
Bright spark pipes up "So you'll be wanting your pint in a Tommee Tippee cup then".
 
Kick the crap pout of a police vehicle, and generally act the hard nut
what could possibly go wrong ??
revenge is a dish best eaten cold and a long time afterwards

Given that he got 4 years for a guilty plea, I wonder if those that pled not-guilty and have been scheduled for trial are now thinking of revising their pleas
 
I get the idea their entitlement and absolute knowledge of being in the right may preclude that option.
 

ColdWarWorrier

Old-Salt
A mate of mine used to be a dispatch rider, she was in some ghastly midlands town in the pissing rain.
she managed to get her bike front wheel lodged in a storm drain.
loads of traffic just went past and ignored her struggling, nearby was a bloke sat in a car.
she went over and said something along the lines of 'can you give me a hand?'

his response was

"I'd love to, only I've got no legs"

She looks down and it was true, he had no legs.

She was naturally horrified (legless chap was amused and got his brother who was in the house to give her a hand.

In my younger days I used to do a bit of despatch riding between jobs or in quiet times. The company I worked for sensibly required recipients of packages/documents, etc to print their name on the docket rather than sign some illegible scrawl, so you could verify who had received said package.

Despite asking people to print their name in the box, there would always be some who opted for the illegible scrawl option. I delivered a package of legal documents to one firm and asked the guy on reception to print his name in the appropriate box. I looked and saw his hand waggling the pen and impatiently and loudly said: “PRINT your name:”*

He replied: “I’m trying, I’ve got Parkinson’s”



*I once delivered a package addressed to actor Martin Clunes’ wife. The man himself answered to door, took the package and, with a smile, said: “I suppose you want my autograph on your paperwork?”

I replied: “I just need you to print your name so we can read it.”

Still smiling, he obligingly printed ‘CLUNES’ in the box muttering: “Well, that’s a first.”
 
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wheel

LE
Go on lass, curl your hair, go overboard with the fake tan and act and dress like you is 'from de hood' and it will go down a storm.

Forget the faux pas from Adele, that was wrong but you are down with the kids remember


Only a matter of time before all this eats itself.

(learnt a new word today - Blackfishing).
Me to. They used to be called ..... oops sorry its a word thats not allowed any more
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
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