The Emperor Mongs Pronouncements

Pastry identification 101 failure.

View attachment 565678

'Animal welfare officials in Krakow, Poland, responded to reports of a mysterious creature hanging in a tree, only to find out they were dealing with a buttery pastry.

'The “mysterious headless beast” was reported to authorities and people were reportedly not opening their windows “because they were afraid it’d go into their house”.

'The Krakow Animal Welfare Society posted to Facebook saying the report was genuine and the person who called them was hysterical, talking about the creature which they saw lurking in the tree for two days.

'When animal welfare inspectors arrived at the location, they found the “dangerous” creature was actually a croissant, wedged between tree branches.'


It looks like someone threw a giant turd out of the window
 
EM makes a quick trip to Canada. Of course, the video magically turned itself on.;)

Great reply by the Party Whip though!

'A Canadian Liberal MP was caught wearing his birthday suit in the virtual House of Commons. William Amos appeared on the screens of his fellow members of Parliament completely naked yesterday.

'A screenshot shows him standing behind a desk between the Quebec and Canadian flags, with his private parts hidden by what appears to be a mobile phone in one hand. “This was an unfortunate error,” Amos said in a statement. “My video was accidentally turned on as I was changing into my work clothes after going for a jog. I sincerely apologise to my colleagues in the House of Commons for this unintentional distraction. Obviously, it was an honest mistake and it won’t happen again.”

'MP Claude DeBellefeuille, the party whip, spoke about the incident in parliament. “It may be necessary to remind the members, especially the male ones, that a tie and jacket are obligatory, but so are a shirt, boxer shorts or pants,” she said.'




Legend !
 

RBMK

LE
Book Reviewer
EM: Go on lad treat yourself to a new motor, the bizzies won't notice that you haven't got a license.

Bolton driver has Audi seized by police
  • A DRIVER has had their brand new car seized after attempting to drive without a licence twice in three days.
  • The Audi Q2, which had only been delivered to the driver on Tuesday, was stopped in Bennetts Lane, Smithills.
  • It was the second time officers had stopped the driver in the space of just three days for driving without a licence.
  • The driver has now been summonsed for a second time, while the car was seized.
Still, it's Bolton. Home to many persons to whom the concept of having a driving license, insurance or being sober whilst driving is alien.
 

Joshua Slocum

LE
Book Reviewer
EM: Go on lad treat yourself to a new motor, the bizzies won't notice that you haven't got a license.

Bolton driver has Audi seized by police
  • A DRIVER has had their brand new car seized after attempting to drive without a licence twice in three days.
  • The Audi Q2, which had only been delivered to the driver on Tuesday, was stopped in Bennetts Lane, Smithills.
  • It was the second time officers had stopped the driver in the space of just three days for driving without a licence.
  • The driver has now been summonsed for a second time, while the car was seized.
Still, it's Bolton. Home to many persons to whom the concept of having a driving license, insurance or being sober whilst driving is alien.
I hope they crush the bloody thing
 
EM: Go on lad treat yourself to a new motor, the bizzies won't notice that you haven't got a license.

Bolton driver has Audi seized by police
  • A DRIVER has had their brand new car seized after attempting to drive without a licence twice in three days.
  • The Audi Q2, which had only been delivered to the driver on Tuesday, was stopped in Bennetts Lane, Smithills.
  • It was the second time officers had stopped the driver in the space of just three days for driving without a licence.
  • The driver has now been summonsed for a second time, while the car was seized.
Still, it's Bolton. Home to many persons to whom the concept of having a driving license, insurance or being sober whilst driving is alien.

Story carefully worded to avoid saying what the sex/gender/whatever of the driver was. I suppose you can argue that it isn't necessary for the story, but it smacks of wokeness to me.

Mind you, the Emperor Mong seems to have had a little play with the Greater Manchester Police, too. "Go on, lad. Write it as you say it. The Greater English Language and Grammar Police won't notice!"

GMP operative: "Yeah. Thanks, EM."

Tippety, tappety: "Maybe the driver should of passed their test first".


(Edited to apologise for assuming the sex/gender/whatever of the Greater Manchester Police operative.}
 
Story carefully worded to avoid saying what the sex/gender/whatever of the driver was. I suppose you can argue that it isn't necessary for the story, but it smacks of wokeness to me.

Mind you, the Emperor Mong seems to have had a little play with the Greater Manchester Police, too. "Go on, lad. Write it as you say it. The Greater English Language and Grammar Police won't notice!"

GMP operative: "Yeah. Thanks, EM."

Tippety, tappety: "Maybe the driver should of passed their test first".


(Edited to apologise for assuming the sex/gender/whatever of the Greater Manchester Police operative.}
You missed out ethnicity.

Bolton, Audi, no license. I'm sure a good guess would be correct.
 
BBC under fire over too much/too little/disrespectful coverage. The Emperor sees an opportunity, and talks the ex-RM reporter into leaving his tie at half-mast while addressing the military precision that will be seen at tomorrow's funeral.

Unfortunately someone countermanded EM's orders before said ex-Booty reappears.

Philip would not have been amused.
 

Duke_of_Kaos

War Hero
So you are clever enough to track a bag full of cash but stupid enough to try and raid a Cartel stash house. Was the Body armour bought off eBay perhaps with a CrossFit logo and a hint of purple smoke in the background?
71214683-BFB7-4493-B4D7-FB51B393CD1F.jpeg
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
So you are clever enough to track a bag full of cash but stupid enough to try and raid a Cartel stash house. Was the Body armour bought off eBay perhaps with a CrossFit logo and a hint of purple smoke in the background?View attachment 565857

probably seen all those films where bullets just ping off body armour - see your nearest RAF regiment member for details
 
Major scientific breakthrough: when boomerangs don't come back they're sticks, and sticks are useful for other things.

'According to a statement released by Griffith University, microscopic analysis of the surface of more than 100 hardwood boomerangs held in Sydney’s Australian Museum revealed they may have been used to shape stone tools. Eva Martellotta, Michelle Langley, Adam Brumm, and Jayne Wilkins suggest that hardwood boomerangs served as multipurpose daily tools for Aboriginal people living across Australia. Most boomerangs were used for hunting and fighting, while the ones that return when thrown were often used as children’s toys, games, or as teaching tools, Martellotta added.'

 
Major scientific breakthrough: when boomerangs don't come back they're sticks, and sticks are useful for other things.

'According to a statement released by Griffith University, microscopic analysis of the surface of more than 100 hardwood boomerangs held in Sydney’s Australian Museum revealed they may have been used to shape stone tools. Eva Martellotta, Michelle Langley, Adam Brumm, and Jayne Wilkins suggest that hardwood boomerangs served as multipurpose daily tools for Aboriginal people living across Australia. Most boomerangs were used for hunting and fighting, while the ones that return when thrown were often used as children’s toys, games, or as teaching tools, Martellotta added.'

Charlie Drake walt!
 
BBC under fire over too much/too little/disrespectful coverage. The Emperor sees an opportunity, and talks the ex-RM reporter into leaving his tie at half-mast while addressing the military precision that will be seen at tomorrow's funeral.

Unfortunately someone countermanded EM's orders before said ex-Booty reappears.

Philip would not have been amused.
But I’m sure he would have commented on the perfectly tied Windsor knot in his neckwear with Windsor Castle in the background.
Noticed, too, that JJ addressed the Booty Band Sgt Maj as ‘Sir’ and the OC King’s Troop as ‘Ma’am’. Old habits die hard.
 

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