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The Emperor Mongs Pronouncements

Joshua Slocum

LE
Book Reviewer
Is that a dentist thing? Our dentist had a smoke alarm that went beep every few minutes. It remained the same, (or happened again 'cos they buy crap batteries) for a couple of years until they redecorated.
I had that with a couple of clients, I always bung in a couple of free smoke detectors on a repaint or small works
good ones from the suppliers
but they had taken the batterie sout as they kept beeping, found out they had both purchased KODAK batteries
made in China in batches, probably sitting around for years, reading 7.8 volts new out of the pack
I bought a box of new ones from the wholesaler and changed them free
 
"Me? the 20th Earl of Strathmore, here in a castle, drunk with a young filly......."

"With my reputation?"


 
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I should have stated that the site visit was not related to the current company, it was a care home.


Current issues are things like the plastic laminate on the kitchen cabinets has come away exposing the MDF beneath. Bare wood, dust hazard, food, can't be cleaned properly etc can't have it.

me " we have a couple of options - replace the doors, or remove the doors"
General idiot " can't replace them costs too much and we are having a refurbish soon. can't remove them as that'll look untidy"
I generally hated HSE shit and rated it as ‘mummy state’.

Having been responsible for contractors at a number of facilities for the last 10 years (not directly, I am now commercial) I have embraced it, go home safely.

I hate to see residential builders or solar installers wandering around at heights without protection, the reason, it is someone’s son or daughter up there.

There was a case in the news a year ago about an apprentice sparky dying from heat exhaustion is a new build, tragic. I would rather crack a walnut with a sledgehammer than one person die from something preventable.
 
I should have stated that the site visit was not related to the current company, it was a care home.


Current issues are things like the plastic laminate on the kitchen cabinets has come away exposing the MDF beneath. Bare wood, dust hazard, food, can't be cleaned properly etc can't have it.

me " we have a couple of options - replace the doors, or remove the doors"
General idiot " can't replace them costs too much and we are having a refurbish soon. can't remove them as that'll look untidy"

To which, the correct response is, will that cost less than having you shut down and costs awarded for the prosecution?

And having the work done...
 

Kirkz

LE
Is it possible to have a floor other than the ground floor in a single storey building (far east stilt houses notwithstanding)...?
Cellar/basement?
 

RBMK

LE
Book Reviewer
Is it possible to have a floor other than the ground floor in a single storey building (far east stilt houses notwithstanding)...?
One of our cstomers has a building with a car park underneath. The building is on stilts but is only a single storey (late 1960s city centre concrete slab monstrosity) but I get what you mean.

The point that I was trying to make that our entire building is at ground floor level and therefore the obvious answer to any blocked exit is to hop out of the window.

We got a snotty email from the building custodian alleging that we had not prepared an adequate Fire Risk Assessment and escape plan.

I wrote one in 5 minutes and half a page. Co-signed by my colleague with his collection of letters including FIFireE.

Fire assessor has not been back since.
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
You are on the way to a purple award, it’s people like your boss that also don’t change their cladding and other shit that ends up a perfect storm.

one of the nursing homes I visited had a can of pledge and a yellow duster in the fire extinguisher box (nothing else) while one in London just had bare wires in the fire alarm call point.
 

RBMK

LE
Book Reviewer
One of my favourites is to find an ATEX Intrinsically Safe fire alarm call point (designed for use in areas where flammable gas or vapour can occur) wired up with cheap domestic conduit which is not ATEX.

The number of times I find non-compliant smoke detectors and fire alarms is unbelieveable and invariably gets a Cat 4 fail - remedial within 28 days and sometimes a Cat 5 - cease use of system immediately and isolate power to call point.

I should comment that this isn't rocket science as it's covered by a BS governing installation and the EPS regulations which have been around for over 15 years.
 
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Joshua Slocum

LE
Book Reviewer
one of the nursing homes I visited had a can of pledge and a yellow duster in the fire extinguisher box (nothing else) while one in London just had bare wires in the fire alarm call point.
I went to inspect a fire alarm in Ilford, a nice couple had only recently taken over the hotel , various idle bastards on our firm had fiddled with the fire alarm trying to get the kit in the extension to work, even installing a top of the range control panel
still not working, so muggsy here get called, out with the testmeter, no voltage across the smoke detector terminals ??
thinking that the cable had been chopped some place, i kept going , idle bastard had fitted the End of line diodes in the panel
eventually getting tired, I unscrew a base and lifted it down to work out the possible cable route, 2 feet of cable in and out cut off
and the next one
and the next one
removed the bell
same thing
got hold of the owner and showed him, he was a little bit pissed that idle bastard had not even done the basic check ( typical with that one)
turned out the only part working was the pair of callpoints in the old building, big round metal things, and two bells and a heat detector!!!
spoke to the boss, he spoke to the brigade, they were very helpful, and we agreed a plan
Monday morning I was back with a helper to wire the extension, and replace all of the old wiring in the main building
At a substantial discount, think the client only paid for the parts and fed us and provided a room
if idle bastard had done the basic check 3 months before, the client would have happily paid for a complete new system, as the sodding place was closed for 3 months for decorating and carpets

Turned out that the git selling it had raided the skips in the high street when the office block was refurbished, we even traced the old detectors through the manufacture and supplier

Was does auger me is when I visit some one with a similiar problem, and test the system and show them, invariably I get the reply how did that happen ??
I have yet to arrive at a smart answer that is both polite and informative
 

waltbloke

Old-Salt
Go Tiger, you can drive!
EBBE1CA8-94C8-4B7C-B37B-32ABC1DCE1B4.jpeg
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
To which, the correct response is, will that cost less than having you shut down and costs awarded for the prosecution?

And having the work done...

all he had to do was allow me to remove the kitchen cabinet doors, no ******* expense at all.

I've even pointed out that he'll be getting more sex in prison than he can possibly want.
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
while the coppers are asking you about your alleged breach of coronavirus regulations, how about coughing over the police..

 
My office office (the one that I rarely go into these days) has only one way in and out which is via a small vestibule. There is a total of 3 offices leading on the vestibule and we are on the ground floor of a one storey building.

Our office is council owned and they send a "fire assessor" around. He comes into our office and asks us what our emergency plan is in the event of fire.

'We will leave via the door and assemble at the assembly point in the car park'

What if the fire is in the vestibule?

I look at him with one of those looks: "I will put the chair through the window and I will follow the chair"

He waffles on about having escape equipment to smash the window until I gently point out that the gentleman sat smirking on the other side of the office is a highly qualified fire risk assessment specialist who previously worked for Factory Mutual Insurance and then for a large chemical company as a fire safety specialist, and then that I have over 25 years experience in fire and explosion hazards.

He departs in something of a sulk.
A fair few years ago, we had someone from the Occupational Health & Safety government department come around and give the place a once over. They were concerned about the fire evacuation plan so they organised for a fire marshall to come out and organise a new evacuation plan.

Once it was organised, they called a meeting for the entire company and laid out the new evacuation routes. I threw a spanner in the works when I pointed out the evacuation plan for my area involved walking a path less than a metre away from the company fuel bowser and over the inground fuel tank, a place I would think had greater chance of a fire occurring than anywhere else on the site.

It went back to the old version of the escape plan.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
A fair few years ago, we had someone from the Occupational Health & Safety government department come around and give the place a once over. They were concerned about the fire evacuation plan so they organised for a fire marshall to come out and organise a new evacuation plan.

Once it was organised, they called a meeting for the entire company and laid out the new evacuation routes. I threw a spanner in the works when I pointed out the evacuation plan for my area involved walking a path less than a metre away from the company fuel bowser and over the inground fuel tank, a place I would think had greater chance of a fire occurring than anywhere else on the site.

It went back to the old version of the escape plan.

I worked in a dental centre on the opposite side of the road from the fire station.

We had a visit from a health board fire marshal.
"Where is your assembly point in case of a fire?"
I highlighted an area a little way down the street.
Fire Marshal "That's a bit far, I think that you should use that empty patch of ground across there"
At that moment there was activity across the road as a call came into the fire station.
Within a minute or two, the previously empty piece of ground was full of cars driven by retained fire fighters arriving at speed.

We did not change our assembly point.
 
A fair few years ago, we had someone from the Occupational Health & Safety government department come around and give the place a once over. They were concerned about the fire evacuation plan so they organised for a fire marshall to come out and organise a new evacuation plan.

Once it was organised, they called a meeting for the entire company and laid out the new evacuation routes. I threw a spanner in the works when I pointed out the evacuation plan for my area involved walking a path less than a metre away from the company fuel bowser and over the inground fuel tank, a place I would think had greater chance of a fire occurring than anywhere else on the site.

It went back to the old version of the escape plan.
Before this current trend of working from home, our office brought in a scatter policy rather than have everyone bunch up in a very large group which would make for a lovely target.

when it comes to recalling them there is supposed to be an automated call - but I just know we are going to be going round all the local pubs to frogmarch everyone back in after their mobiles suddenly lose reception. I think the Emperor may have had a hand in both plans.
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
Before this current trend of working from home, our office brought in a scatter policy rather than have everyone bunch up in a very large group which would make for a lovely target.

when it comes to recalling them there is supposed to be an automated call - but I just know we are going to be going round all the local pubs to frogmarch everyone back in after their mobiles suddenly lose reception. I think the Emperor may have had a hand in both plans.
I've told this before. Day after the Baltic Exchange bombing, (I'd been out half a dozen years) I was chatting as usual to a pair of STAB BT permies at 7 Old Street where I was consulting. We discussed the bombing. (The previous evening I'd been drinking with two Irish VSC staff members, so their alibis were secure.) I suggested that BT would call an evacuation drill any minute. They did.

We beat the rush down the stairs. They made sure I was in the correct evacuation area. It was a small square adjacent to the high tower block. We hadn't been told it was a drill. I looked around. "This is a sh¡t evacuation point. If there is a bomb in the building, it'll take out hundreds of tons of glass all the way up the street. "

I made our intentions known, and we three walked 100 yards round the brick corner of Argos to safety. Seconds later, the whole of the BT Computer Centre had joined us.

It was a drill. BT learned a lesson.

Edit. Which, I suppose, is the object of a drill.

 
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I've told this before. Day after the Baltic Exchange bombing, (I'd been out half a dozen years) I was chatting as usual to a pair of STAB BT permies at 7 Old Street where I was consulting. We discussed the bombing. (The previous evening I'd been drinking with two Irish VSC staff members, so their alibis were secure.) I suggested that BT would call an evacuation drill any minute. They did.

We beat the rush down the stairs. They made sure I was in the correct evacuation area. It was a small square adjacent to the high tower block. We hadn't been told it was a drill. I looked around. "This is a sh¡t evacuation point. If there is a bomb in the building, it'll take out hundreds of tons of glass all the way up the street. "

I made our intentions known, and we three walked 100 yards round the brick corner of Argos to safety. Seconds later, the whole of the BT Computer Centre had joined us.

It was a drill. BT learned a lesson.

Ditto after the 7/7 bombing, my place of work did the same. Muster was outside the glass-fronted building.

Trouble is, fire wardens/bomb wardens tend to be the most self-important members of staff.
 

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