The Emperor Mongs Pronouncements

[Stonker]

Wah!

I thought it was a good gag!!

 

[Roadster280]

I’m not sure they can fix the terminally stupid...

I don't know how many Penske rental trucks got trashed there, maybe 15? You'd think it would pay Penske to lower the road

I did something similar, but less destructive a couple years ago. We were living in an apartment while we sold our old house, pending the school year ending. I had a trailer, went to buy something and drove into the parking garage with it. You stop at the barrier, swipe your card and up it goes.

And then it comes down behind the truck, but in front of the trailer. Which did a fine job of destroying the barrier

 

[Civvy Scum]

why dont they put overhead warning boards with lights and sirens further back, or excavate the roadway
there is a bridge in South London that used to get whacked, about 200 metres away it has a set of optical beams, break them and red lights come on to stop the trucks, most times it works !!

Why?

1) £££££ mostly.
2) Out in the sticks there might not be a convenient power supply to tap into.
3) Who owns the bridge, the highway authority, another highway authority, Network Rail or someone else? So if it's, say, a rail bridge who pays to put the expensive flashy warning kit on the highway authorities land?
4) Is the bridge even in use - there are loads of railway bridges around the country where the tracks were taken away decades ago. Guess where they are in Network Rails order of priority? Best solution would be to remove them - but that costs £££££.
5) 200m away - is there a facility for Overheight vehicles to do a U-turn in the immediate vicinity? If there isn't, is there room to build one and - again - who is paying for it.
6) Reducing the carriageway level under the bridge. Probably will need to do that over at least 50-100m either side of the bridge, with associated highway drainage and possibly gas/water/BT underground plant also having to be dropped at the same time. VERY easily a substantial 6 figure sum and that's assuming you don't put the bridge abutments/piers at risk of collapse. In my entire career I've known this done at only one bridge, on the A63, but only because it's a strategic route leading from Hull Docks. The westbound nearside lane was under the minimum headroom, so was lowered many years ago, you can see by how much here, look at the central reserve level difference:

Google Maps

Find local businesses, view maps and get driving directions in Google Maps.

www.google.co.uk

As I recall, it was dropped around 100m either side of the overbridge. To do it there had to be a contraflow put in place, with the accompanying construction of two central reserve crossover points (£50k each), a free recovery service for the duration of the contraflow (£80k), a temporary CCTV system to monitor the contraflow (another £80k) and the signing and coning (£150k). All that before a single mm of carriageway level was dropped.

Edit. Not just railway bridges that get whacked by HGV curtainsiders or busses either. On my way to work one morning many years ago I witnessed a tipper wagon with his back up hit this pedestrian footbridge

Google Maps

Find local businesses, view maps and get driving directions in Google Maps.

www.google.co.uk

You can see the scuff marks on the crosspiece. Brown trouser moment or what? Neither is it uncommon for lowloaders to be transporting tracked excavators and the excavator boom to hit a bridge, especially if it mysteriously decides to lift itself whilst in transit.

The Emperor is a very busy twat.

 

[Joshua Slocum]

The Emperoror is on speed dial to these mongs
Icy Road Check
Snow Check
Water on surface Check
Narrow lanes Check
big **** off dry stone wall Check
mwaaaah
Sgt Dave cheers me up no end

 

[Joshua Slocum]

The Emperor runs a Mong helpline
stopped by the police for no tax mot or insurance
best plan my little scummy friend, leap up and down, shout **** a lot
oh and while you are at it brick the window and drop the keys down the drain, thatll learn em !!!
( its getting cubed anyway ya mong)

 

[Teeblerone]

In the first lockdown I bought a pair of clippers rather than brave the barbers - normally I sport a fairly short haircut but rather than muck about I just shave it down to a one all over. They only cost £25, you set the length with a rotary dial and they are pretty good.

But the clippers go down to a 0.5 - and I use that to blend in my sideburns.

Of course I managed NOT to check the dial before giving it the once weekly all over on the Friday night. And did I start on the sides where I could perhaps blend it in - of course not. I gave it the full reverse mohawk.

And this is not the first time - at least this time my clippers juice didn’t run out halfway through the cut. At least I can’t go out anywhere...

Yup, me too....didn't check that the ring adjustor was locked in place. Oopsy!

 

[NSP]

Of course I managed NOT to check the dial before giving it the once weekly all over on the Friday night. And did I start on the sides where I could perhaps blend it in - of course not. I gave it the full reverse mohawk.

Been there, done that back when I still had hair. Started off on setting five. Halfway through had to pull the end off to unclog the works. Put the end back on and accidentally - and unnoticed - gave it a twist, adjusting down to setting one. Bzzzzzzzzz. Nice trench through the middle of my hair so deep it had an X-Wing and a couple of TIE fighters roaring down it. So, back to the start for my first all-over buzzcut.

Luckily I was at work and it had grown out a bit by the time I was back in sight of land.

 

[Pteranadon]

Training drivers in the highway code? Fining them if they ignore road signs, especially flashing ones that say 'Too Low, Go Back'? Learning the route in a car? Half an hour briefing on 'Low bridges in our area?'

All true. I have taken a covid job on the buses.

Low bridges should not be a problem on stage routes. You learn the route and drive it three or four times a day each way. There are big pictures on the route's notice board saying "If you see this view STOP," you have missed a turn. Oh and a reminder of the pictures from the stage coach incident. The London IBUS system has a low bridge warning symbol. But I worry about the day when I have a brain fart (visitation from the emperor) and miss the turning ....

BUT

Diversions are a different matter. Planned diversions to avoid scheduled roadworks should be posted (as long as the driver reads the notices. They are also signed with A4 paper signs about as visible as tactical signage,. It is possible to miss a turn. Unscheduled diversions to avoid e.g. a road accident are controlled in London by the Network Management Control Centre and manage to move bus routes in real time. They know the roads cleared for buses and can be relied on. Plod on the other hand are less aware of the height restrictions - not just bridges, but also cables and trees. My training was to never follow police advice but always get a second opinion from the route controller.

However it is very possible to miss a turn and become geographically embarrassed. Long distances coaches are fitted with tom toms or other navigation software. Stage buses are not,. It is illegal for a driver to use a mobile phone at the wheel and few paper maps show height restrictions on bridges, .

School bus routes are different. These are not normal stage routes. New driver and new route at the start of term and the mistake is easier to understand. All of the bus companies operate on a shoestring and competitive tendering delivers predictably the usual lowest quality.

The Emperor is ever present.
- Go on sure you can clear that gap - ping goes someone's wing mirror...
- Hit an unexpected roundabout on diversion and it isn't on the AZ? Just rely on your sense of direction even if it goes wrong there will be somewhere to turn round.
- It doesn't matter if you get close to the bus in front. He will pull away in a few seconds. Buses never stop for five minutes at a time to regulate the service or break down...
- No one will notice if you reverse a bit. It isn't as if there are CCTV cameras everywhere or a shouty controller to call out the offender over the radio broadcast to every cab in the capital. "No 11 reversing up Bishopsgate... stop now. That is an illegal and dangerous manouvre..

 

[Dicky Ticker]

You have to wonder how these people justify a policy like that, to themselves and their management. For a start, if I was their manager I'd want to see a risk assessment based on all the previous incidents of scalding and burns resulting from what would appear to be, human employees flinging their food over each other with gay abandon. How the fvck they manage to navigate their way around a cafe must be a joy to behold. However, the reality will be some supervisor who decided that he/she (probably she) would show that on their annual performance achievements they sought to create a safer working environment and that taking away hot food and drink was an easy target as all the really important things had been done by someone else. Add in a weak manager who approves it and box ticked, kpi achieved and bonus in the bank.
If anyone working for me came up with something like that for their performance achievement, they'd be looking for another job not long after.

I deal with this sort of thing on a regular basis, someone sees an incident or has an incident, and as per the company policy reports it through the proper channels. Someone up high sees the the monthly statistics, and notices this incident. Now it may be that is happened before, in which case whatever they put in place isn't working, or it's new and unusual, in which case they have to come up with something new and unusual to stop it happening again. And of course it has to be done within the approved timescale for closure which means they rush it through because actions open longer than expected attract scrutiny for the higher, higher ups.

The higher ups are only interested in two things, keeping the number of reported instances down (because they have a bonus at the end of the year) and being seen to do "everything reasonably practicable" because that's what the law says we have to do. Trouble is, no-one has the balls to actually say "you know what, banning all hot and cold food from the office is not reasonably practicable to do and here's why" and putting it in writing.

The high priests and priestesses of "health and safety" are so brainwashed in their belief that they know best that dare to contradict them will almost get you stoned in the town square.

And don't get me started on the moron who first wrote "zero harm". What a useless concept...

 

[PuriPuriManTumas]

The Emperoror is on speed dial to these mongs
Icy Road Check
Snow Check
Water on surface Check
Narrow lanes Check
big **** off dry stone wall Check
mwaaaah
Sgt Dave cheers me up no end

Well, top marks for not letting go of the phone he was recording it on ... pillock!

 

[TamH70]

The Emperoror is on speed dial to these mongs
Icy Road Check
Snow Check
Water on surface Check
Narrow lanes Check
big **** off dry stone wall Check
mwaaaah
Sgt Dave cheers me up no end

I would not be surprised if one of those idiots wasn't one of my brothers. Particularly the youngest one, who so annoyed the crews of several ARVs that when they caught up with him, he got red-dotted by just about every 5.56mm carbine H und K ever made...

Still, l haven't had any frantic phone calls from my remaining brothers, so l might have been spared this embarrassment.

 

[CutLunchCommando]

The Emperoror is on speed dial to these mongs
Icy Road Check
Snow Check
Water on surface Check
Narrow lanes Check
big **** off dry stone wall Check
mwaaaah
Sgt Dave cheers me up no end

No smoking sign on the sun visor? Taxi?

 

[theoriginalphantom]

No smoking sign on the sun visor? Taxi?

hire car? I'm sure the last one I hired had that sort of thing on it.

 

[CutLunchCommando]

hire car? I'm sure the last one I hired had that sort of thing on it.

Even better.

 

[Dicky Ticker]

hire car? I'm sure the last one I hired had that sort of thing on it.

Hence the joke "Whats the second fastest car on the road? Your hire car" followed by "Whats the fastest car on the road? Someone elses hire car with you driving...."

 

[theinventor]

We had one a few years ago near where I live. Fortunately nobody was killed, but some were seriously injured.

It was a school bus.

Driver who injured 18 schoolchildren in horror crash after ignoring low bridge warning signs is spared jail

It could easily have resulted in fatalities, so yes, good on Stagecoach.

If only Stagecoach could learn lessons from this sort of thing Winchester school bus bridge crash leaves children injured

 

[SkippedOnce]

EM(PBUH) - "Heightened security measures in DC? Nah, you'll be fine."

'US Capitol Police have arrested a Virginia man who attempted to get past a security checkpoint with fake inauguration credentials, a loaded firearm, and 500 rounds of ammo.

'According to CNN, Wesley Allen Beeler was taken into custody Friday night after he pulled up to a checkpoint near the Capitol building in Washington DC.

'He allegedly provided officers with an "unauthorized inauguration credential" before he admitted to having a Glock semi-automatic pistol in his vehicle.

'Officers later discovered the Glock was loaded with 17 rounds of ammunition and a round chamber ready to fire. A Metropolitan Police Department report also states Beeler had 509 rounds of ammunition and 21 12-gauge shotgun shells.

'The man was taken to the US Capitol Police headquarters and charged with carrying a concealed weapon, possessing an unregistered firearm, unlawful possession of ammunition, and possession of a large capacity ammunition feeding device.'

Man arrested at Washington DC checkpoint with loaded gun and fake credentials

The man allegedly provided officers with an "unauthorized inauguration credential" before admitting to having a loaded pistol in his vehicle.

www.stuff.co.nz

 

[Joshua Slocum]

I see that Mancunian minicab owners are taking advice from the Emperor !
hopefully he will not have his licence renewed

 

[scoldog]

There is one in Gloucester, where they undercut the road, its awesome when it floods, the 4 wheel drive brigade hammer in , and float out !!

We've got something like that here in Australia.

You'd think a guy standing on the side of the road pretending to fish in it would indicate that the water is deep, but that doesn't stop some people

 

[lastwalt]

We've got something like that here in Australia.

You'd think a guy standing on the side of the road pretending to fish in it would indicate that the water is deep, but that doesn't stop some people

There is also a water depth gauge to show him exactly how deep it is, but he ignored that too.

It’s a big problem in Houston, which is both low-lying and prone to extremely heavy rain with flash floods. All the underpasses have water depth gauges, but every time there is a storm you hear of at least one underpass related drowning.