The Dutch .. Utterly Humourless Cnuts.

I need some innovative ideas for winding up some totally anal retentive cnuts.

Doing a trip on a rig crewed mainly by Dutch guys and a few Brits. Us Brits found out the other day that the rig is (apparently) named after a dutch homosexual who was on the board of the Drilling Company. Cue us trying to wind up the cloggies by continually grabbing them and in the style of the Fast Show sketch saying "This is Hans and he is not just my colleague but also my lover ... ", And its going down like a cup of cold sick .. Humourless Gimps.

Now you might think the dutch are alright but the ones here are so anal retentive it is unbelivable. I share a toilet and shower with the cabin next door and have been asked to "flush the toilet a bit more quietly" .. some please tell me how the fcuk I do that ?? .. which made me tell the said cloggie that if he is going to have a dump then if he has to fire it off the bowl at high speed creating a choclate pebbledash effect could he please clean it afterwards .. (you filthy cnut) .. again not happy.

One locked a brit out of his cabin !! .. lad had finished in the early hours and couldnt get to his bed, turns out the cloggie had decided that if the lad didnt finish by the time he went to his pit he wasnt getting in .. what a cnut.

Us few brits are fcuking sick of their crap and are planning a revolt .. any good cloggie put downs or suggestion most welcome.
I think most of our continental cousins are like this.

Having traveled round Europe for 2 years under our own steam. I think what you have found is typicle

They are not like us.
.. I think you have just been unlucky.

I have worked with Dutch Marine TACP's, in Canada and Iraq, and can honestly say they were brilliant.

Great sense of humour, incredibly helpful, top blokes.. one of the Sgt's could use the F word better than we could!!

.. and the Dutch airforce have some of the best looking female pilots around.

Can't speak about their oil workers, but their Marines are tip top.

You have been unlucky
There are some cracking cloggies in the dutch marines, but the majority of europeans do not share the british sense of humour. Americans don't either, but they can be trained more easily than europeans.

Good luck, try not to kill any of them, and remember, you could work with exclusively Brits in McDonalds in Scunthorpe, but I doubt if the money's as good there as it is on the rigs! :p
I find jokes in the vein of 'your mother/grandma was a Nazi collaborator' work well with Europeans.
Oil rigs are one of the places we deport useless cnuts too. :twisted:
I think it's safe to say that you just bumped into the wrong ones.
Cnuts are everywhere and from all nations mate.
As for being humourless, most of us cloggies love the Brits sense of humour though.

Yeah the cloggies are on the whole a good bunch. Just been living with one for 5 years. They can be incredibly ignorant of other people though. They just don't realise sometimes they are annoying you. Its not malice and they ususally listen if you point out they're acting like a cnut. :D
So let me get this straight you assault them in the corridor, call them a bunch of poofs then try and simulate gay sex with them, mimicing a television series they have never seen and they don't find it funny.

Go figure humourless cnuts :p
Mr_Deputy said:
when the Cloggies drive thru Germany on way to somewhere nice for their holidays they park the campervan

Which reminds me....
I'm going to tow my pykeyvan through England again this summer(Henley-on-Thames to be precise). :D
Any of you lads have any recommendations on what to go and see in the area. Yes i did look some up at the tourist information,but maybe you may know something else.

Thanks in advance
I slept with a Dutch lass once. She had blonde pubes.
I also have some experience of working with the Dutch. I worked for a firm that was owned by a Company based in Rotterdam, our Dutch MD was a great bloke but his sense of humour was a bit strange, in that he didn't have any! He would always ask us why we were laughing and were we laughing at him? He seemed to have a slight persecution complex I think.

Later on in my youth I went to live in Holland for 5 years and thought it was a great country to live in, the Dutch on a whole are very tolerant and open minded and welcomed people with open arms from all over, even us Brits! They also speak perfect English which made it very hard for me to master what little Dutch I had learned, having said that all us foreigners tended to stick together, we didn't really mix a great deal with the Dutch people. All in all I think Holland is a fine country have visited there many times for short breaks/holidays. :D
Wench3000 said:
I slept with a Dutch lass once. She had blonde pubes.

I sleep with a Dutch lass every day. No pubes though. :twisted:
I live and work there - Dutch squaddies/ex-squaddies (real ones not national service ones) seem a good bunch, but there aren't half some prize cnuts over here in the remainder of the ranks, my boss is a fine example - currently in our office there is the threat of a written warning to the next person who farts in his presence, and if we take more than 2 fagbreaks in a day we get a one-way convo without coffee. Draft-dodging fat civy fecker, I'd punch his lights out but that's not the way things are done over here unfortunately...
Dutch lasses are quite nice looking, but have a tendency to be closet gwars dyed blonde - explains the shaved pubes eh ;-)
Her pubes were straight aswell. Blonde and straight.
Just arranged for the annoying cloggies to have some Germans who are coming on board in the same cabin .. that should do it.

Problem here is that most of the dutch work for the company and think they are superior , for instance no one is allowed to use "their phone" or "their e mail PC" .. no need for it.

Standing by to see how our Accomodation arrangements work out.

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