The Difference Between Men and Women

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Baghdad-Brit, Jul 26, 2005.

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  1. Aside from the glaringly obvious biological differences - how does one define the differences between men and women?

    My favourite is:

    If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Spunky.
  2. For women telephones are for socialising:
    -Hello, how are you.
    *Oh fine, blah, blah....
    -Blah, blah .......

    For men telephones are for organising social events:
    -Hi Mate
    *Hi Mate
    -Dog & Duck in 10 minutes
    *OK, invite Baz aswell
    -OK, Bye
  3. SEX:
    Women prefer 30-45 minutes of foreplay.

    Men prefer 30-45 seconds of foreplay. I consider driving back
    to her place as part of the foreplay.

    Women love cats.

    Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
  4. Men can park in a carpark, within 2 mnutes, women take an ice age
  5. PAIN:

    Men will never know the agony of child birth, yet my wife gibbers like a baby if she stubs her toe!
  6. In a car when you are driving, to men, left is left and right is right.

    To women, left is my side and right is your side.
  7. men are practical women are not.
  8. where men drink 4 beers women drink a glas of wine
  9. Women navigate in towns by knowing the location of shops in relation to each other.

    Blokes navigate by knowing street names and always knowing roughly where north is.
  10. Giving directions in a car,

    200m before junction men will say, 'ok you need the next left'

    Women 2oom after junction ' you should have turned back there
  11. I've got one of them. Came as standard with the missus, its called Sat Nag.

    Women can watch an episode of Trisha, empathising with the various trash and feeling sorry for the chav scum. Men just want to shoot the television and boil Trisha up for glue.

  12. Women can multi task, while men get frustrated at even scratching their own arse :D

    Women can just walk down a road, just cat-calls, compliments and date for the following week; men have to dress high, put on best clothes, take her out for a drink and pay, take out for dinner and pay, pay for the taxi or petrol in the car to get her home - and even then you might not get lucky :D
  13. utter crap men navigate by pubs women can't.

    directions are even given by AA routemaster using pubs
  14. If a bloke is unhappy you just say "what's wrong mate?" and he tells you.

    If you missus is unhappy and you ask "what's wrong?" she gets even grumpier because you should be in tune with her feelings and should somehow know what's wrong through some sort of telepathy!
  15. Man says; "I am tired" he is tired, if a woman says this it means that she thinks you're too drunk for sex.

    To add to Gonzo's point on male nav skills, men will also use pubs as familiar points of reference to other blokes, such as "Right at the Felcher and Firkin and straight down the high street to the Rotten Knobber. The Clap Clinic is just opposite, mate."