The Difference Between Men and Women

#1
Aside from the glaringly obvious biological differences - how does one define the differences between men and women?

My favourite is:

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Spunky.
 
#2
For women telephones are for socialising:
-Hello, how are you.
*Oh fine, blah, blah....
-Blah, blah .......

For men telephones are for organising social events:
-Hi Mate
*Hi Mate
-Dog & Duck in 10 minutes
*OK, invite Baz aswell
-OK, Bye
*Bye
 
#3
SEX:
Women prefer 30-45 minutes of foreplay.

Men prefer 30-45 seconds of foreplay. I consider driving back
to her place as part of the foreplay.

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
 
#4
Men can park in a carpark, within 2 mnutes, women take an ice age
 
#6
In a car when you are driving, to men, left is left and right is right.

To women, left is my side and right is your side.
 
#9
Women navigate in towns by knowing the location of shops in relation to each other.

Blokes navigate by knowing street names and always knowing roughly where north is.
 
#10
Baghdad-Brit said:
In a car when you are driving, to men, left is left and right is right.

To women, left is my side and right is your side.
Giving directions in a car,

200m before junction men will say, 'ok you need the next left'

Women 2oom after junction ' you should have turned back there
 
#11
Sabre said:
Baghdad-Brit said:
In a car when you are driving, to men, left is left and right is right.

To women, left is my side and right is your side.
Giving directions in a car,

200m before junction men will say, 'ok you need the next left'

Women 2oom after junction ' you should have turned back there
I've got one of them. Came as standard with the missus, its called Sat Nag.

Women can watch an episode of Trisha, empathising with the various trash and feeling sorry for the chav scum. Men just want to shoot the television and boil Trisha up for glue.

Boney
 
#12
Women can multi task, while men get frustrated at even scratching their own arse :D

Women can just walk down a road, just cat-calls, compliments and date for the following week; men have to dress high, put on best clothes, take her out for a drink and pay, take out for dinner and pay, pay for the taxi or petrol in the car to get her home - and even then you might not get lucky :D
 
#13
Gonzo said:
Women navigate in towns by knowing the location of shops in relation to each other.

Blokes navigate by knowing street names and always knowing roughly where north is.
utter crap men navigate by pubs women can't.

directions are even given by AA routemaster using pubs
 
#14
If a bloke is unhappy you just say "what's wrong mate?" and he tells you.

If you missus is unhappy and you ask "what's wrong?" she gets even grumpier because you should be in tune with her feelings and should somehow know what's wrong through some sort of telepathy!
 
#15
Man says; "I am tired" he is tired, if a woman says this it means that she thinks you're too drunk for sex.

To add to Gonzo's point on male nav skills, men will also use pubs as familiar points of reference to other blokes, such as "Right at the Felcher and Firkin and straight down the high street to the Rotten Knobber. The Clap Clinic is just opposite, mate."
 
#17
Men sweat, women glow
 
#18
Man is the hunter and women the gatherer. Just look at how they respectivly use the TV remote.

The bloke goes - Zap, rubbish Zap, rubbish Zap, rubbish Zap, rubbish Zap, rubbish Zap....
The women goes - Zap, oh I wonder what this is about watches for 5 minutes, oh this is no good. Zap, Oh I wonder.....
 
#19
Men speak (when sober) in order to communicate, women often chunter away just to fill the silence. For the last 20 years, I have been filtering out this "white noise" nodding, and interjecting with the occasional "really" or "thats nice" usually I get away with it, but just occasionally, my scheme bites me in the ar$e, such as last week:-

I was faffing about with the Fezmobile on the drive, when my next-door neighbour comes out and engages me in conversation,

Audrey "hiss-crackle-chunter-blah-blah-blah"

Me "Thats nice, look at my new tyres, lovely day, blah blah"

I go in and think no more about it.

Last night, Audrey rings my ex (in tears)

Audrey "I cant believe you've been so callous ex-mrs Fez, how can you call yourselves our friends?"

ex mrs Fez "What are you talking about Audrey" (thinks- you batty old cow)

Audrey "I told Fez last week, that Les had been rushed into hospital with terminal cancer and two weeks to live! You haven't been round to see me, or called me to see how he is!"

Oops! :oops:

Still, he is an irritating old twat, so bring on the reaper 8O :wink: . She will move away, and I can get some new neighbours, hopefully with a teenage daughter who spends a disproportionate amount of time washing her car whilst wearing little shorts and a tight t-shirt. :D (why o why did I move?)
 

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