The difference between Labour, Conservatives & Squaddies

#1
How to tell the difference between Labour, Conservatives, and
squaddies?

Pose the following question:


You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a 9 mm, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Labour Answer:


Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the 9mm have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound
me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 999?
Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and litter day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus


Conservative Answer:


Er.......BANG!


Squaddies Answer:


BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click....(sounds of reloading). BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! were those hollow points??


:lol:
 
#2
armourer said:
How to tell the difference between Labour, Conservatives, and
squaddies?

You are carrying a 9 mm, and you are an expert shot.


"Nice grouping, Daddy! were those hollow points??
Trouble is, neither of the above political groups allow you to carry a 9 milly or any other handgun.

Surely she should have said "Nice grouping, Daddy! I take it those were hollow points?"
 
#3
Or if your a former leader of the Liberal Democrats , you disarm him ,unfortunately breaking the assailants arm in the process? :D
 
#4
SAS Answer:


BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! but why have you stopped shooting??
Daddy: " Because I've run out of ammo"
Daughter: "Oh Daddy you are silly, here I've got 2 spare mags in my bergan"
 
#6
armourer said:
SAS Answer:


BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! but why have you stopped shooting??
Daddy: " Because I've run out of ammo"
Daughter: "Oh Daddy you are silly, here I've got 2 spare mags in my bergan"
Surely it was PHUT! PHUT! PHUT! PHUT! PHUT! PHUT! PHUT! PHUT! etc with no click obviously as any Jedi would have counted his rounds, then....(whatever the sound is for a knife being drawn from a sheath), then......
Daughter: "Can I have the ears for my necklace please daddy?"
 
#8
rupert-bleep said:
ear necklace....
where can i buy one...
beats a crucifix
At least you have the added chance of hearing the misses for a change :lol: :lol:
 
#9
FANY answer (with husband and kids obviously):

shoot him and blame the husband (cos you are a better shot than him but he'd be mortified if you told anyone that)
 
#10
Poppy said:
FANY answer (with husband and kids obviously):

shoot him and blame the husband (cos you are a better shot than him but he'd be mortified if you told anyone that)
Females generally make better shots 'cos they actually listen to whats being told to them, rather than going by whats been seen at the pics, on TV and having that machismo factor. There, thats me done being in touch with my 'female' side for the week 8O 8O Awaiting obvious responses about being in touch with 'female' side :wink:
 
#11
French Answer: Turn and run away, burn a few British lamb carcasses and pretend they liberated their own country.

Social Worker Answer: Shall we just sit down and like talk about this right? I mean, there has to be a peeeeeeaceful solution? Why are you hitting me repeatedly? This is aggressive behaviour and not what we talked about in thre feng shui classes we took together where I asked you to suck my kn.....

Para Answer: Sh1t I broke it!

RAF Answer: Sc'use ranks, but I don't work night times, weekends, or when it's raining.
 
#12
i have fired a few handguns and in my opinion.
a 9mil Browning will do it just fine as the top part will slide forward for a new mag reload :)

and BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBNAG click! drop out old mag slide new mag recock BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG :lol:
 
#13
Hell of a lot of bangs going on here. Surely one or two in the leg would suffice?

Meh, I've not done any training, maybe the more rounds the merrier.
 
#14
Civilian_In_Green said:
Hell of a lot of bangs going on here. Surely one or two in the leg would suffice?

Meh, I've not done any training, maybe the more rounds the merrier.
Providing you can account for every round expended and didn't use uneccessary force 8O 8O
 
#15
Personally I would use a 500 lb cluster bomb, that way there's feck all left of the lunatic for the police to charge you with murder/manslaughter.

Mind you I'd want me and the family to be a ficking long way away went it went off.


Me: FICKING BIG BANG
Daughter: Bit excessive daddy?
Me: Shut up, got rid of the twat didn't it?
 
#16
semper said:
i have fired a few handguns and in my opinion.
a 9mil Browning will do it just fine as the top part will slide forward for a new mag reload :)

and BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBNAG click! drop out old mag slide new mag recock BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG :lol:
Anorak mode on :wink: And if you had fired a lot of pistols, you'd know there was no click as when the slide is to the rear, nothing happens when pulling the trigger. What's wrong with counting the rounds? Leave one in the chamber and put in a full mag.

Anyway, it's:
BANG BANG etc (slide to the rear), new mag on, release slide, carry on firing. No need to recock, you'll just lose a round.

It's the lazy man who drops his mag. Place the empty one in one of your fingers in the firing hand and bang in a new one. Empty mag then goes down your Brecon pocket.

Anorak mode off :wink:
 

chimera

LE
Moderator
#17
Top answer Scalie. I suspect semper will trot off back to his war comics now to check up on your answer.
 
#18
Sa80 answer bang sod it :( fix bayonet stabby stabby stabby :lol:
hippy answer Thowck sound of very expensive target arrow going through bad guys chest
followed by crying as he falls on it
daughter thats going take some work to straighten it
 
#19
scalieback said:
semper said:
i have fired a few handguns and in my opinion.
a 9mil Browning will do it just fine as the top part will slide forward for a new mag reload :)

and BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBNAG click! drop out old mag slide new mag recock BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG :lol:
Anorak mode on :wink: And if you had fired a lot of pistols, you'd know there was no click as when the slide is to the rear, nothing happens when pulling the trigger. What's wrong with counting the rounds? Leave one in the chamber and put in a full mag.

Anyway, it's:
BANG BANG etc (slide to the rear), new mag on, release slide, carry on firing. No need to recock, you'll just lose a round.

It's the lazy man who drops his mag. Place the empty one in one of your fingers in the firing hand and bang in a new one. Empty mag then goes down your Brecon pocket.

Anorak mode off :wink:
bit of a trainspotter aren't you :lol:

ok well i personally haven't tried it , usually i tend to fire on the range til its empty and the top parts stay back and then i recock it and fire off the action ensure it is empty before loading a new mag.
i would guessing it could happen as i was told you could do it by sliding a new mag in and slide the weapon forward picking up another round never tried it that way tho , (note to self next time on range try it out)
 

chimera

LE
Moderator
#20
semper said:
scalieback said:
semper said:
i have fired a few handguns and in my opinion.
a 9mil Browning will do it just fine as the top part will slide forward for a new mag reload :)

and BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBNAG click! drop out old mag slide new mag recock BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG :lol:
Anorak mode on :wink: And if you had fired a lot of pistols, you'd know there was no click as when the slide is to the rear, nothing happens when pulling the trigger. What's wrong with counting the rounds? Leave one in the chamber and put in a full mag.

Anyway, it's:
BANG BANG etc (slide to the rear), new mag on, release slide, carry on firing. No need to recock, you'll just lose a round.

It's the lazy man who drops his mag. Place the empty one in one of your fingers in the firing hand and bang in a new one. Empty mag then goes down your Brecon pocket.

Anorak mode off :wink:
bit of a trainspotter aren't you :lol:

ok well i personally haven't tried it , usually i tend to fire on the range til its empty and the top parts stay back and then i recock it and fire off the action ensure it is empty before loading a new mag.
i would guessing it could happen as i was told you could do it by sliding a new mag in and slide the weapon forward picking up another round.
Says it all really doesn't it..."tend to fire on the range till its empty"... so what you are saying is you have NEVER been trained how to use a pistol. I think you are the 'Spotter' here.

Back to the comic books for you I think.....
 

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