The difference between Labour, Conservatives & Squaddies

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by armourer, Oct 4, 2004.

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  1. How to tell the difference between Labour, Conservatives, and
    squaddies?

    Pose the following question:


    You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a 9 mm, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

    Labour Answer:


    Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the 9mm have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound
    me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 999?
    Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and litter day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
    This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus


    Conservative Answer:


    Er.......BANG!


    Squaddies Answer:


    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click....(sounds of reloading). BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.
    Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! were those hollow points??


    :lol:
     
  2. Trouble is, neither of the above political groups allow you to carry a 9 milly or any other handgun.

    Surely she should have said "Nice grouping, Daddy! I take it those were hollow points?"
     
  3. Or if your a former leader of the Liberal Democrats , you disarm him ,unfortunately breaking the assailants arm in the process? :D
     
  4. SAS Answer:


    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.
    Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! but why have you stopped shooting??
    Daddy: " Because I've run out of ammo"
    Daughter: "Oh Daddy you are silly, here I've got 2 spare mags in my bergan"
     
  5. the american squaddie answer.


    BANGBANGBANGBANGBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.

    daughter: urgh,dad..............
     
  6. Surely it was PHUT! PHUT! PHUT! PHUT! PHUT! PHUT! PHUT! PHUT! etc with no click obviously as any Jedi would have counted his rounds, then....(whatever the sound is for a knife being drawn from a sheath), then......
    Daughter: "Can I have the ears for my necklace please daddy?"
     
  7. ear necklace....
    where can i buy one...
    beats a crucifix
     
  8. At least you have the added chance of hearing the misses for a change :lol: :lol:
     
  9. FANY answer (with husband and kids obviously):

    shoot him and blame the husband (cos you are a better shot than him but he'd be mortified if you told anyone that)
     
  10. Females generally make better shots 'cos they actually listen to whats being told to them, rather than going by whats been seen at the pics, on TV and having that machismo factor. There, thats me done being in touch with my 'female' side for the week 8O 8O Awaiting obvious responses about being in touch with 'female' side :wink:
     
  11. woopert

    woopert LE Moderator

    French Answer: Turn and run away, burn a few British lamb carcasses and pretend they liberated their own country.

    Social Worker Answer: Shall we just sit down and like talk about this right? I mean, there has to be a peeeeeeaceful solution? Why are you hitting me repeatedly? This is aggressive behaviour and not what we talked about in thre feng shui classes we took together where I asked you to suck my kn.....

    Para Answer: Sh1t I broke it!

    RAF Answer: Sc'use ranks, but I don't work night times, weekends, or when it's raining.
     
  12. i have fired a few handguns and in my opinion.
    a 9mil Browning will do it just fine as the top part will slide forward for a new mag reload :)

    and BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBNAG click! drop out old mag slide new mag recock BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG :lol:
     
  13. Hell of a lot of bangs going on here. Surely one or two in the leg would suffice?

    Meh, I've not done any training, maybe the more rounds the merrier.
     
  14. Providing you can account for every round expended and didn't use uneccessary force 8O 8O
     
  15. Personally I would use a 500 lb cluster bomb, that way there's feck all left of the lunatic for the police to charge you with murder/manslaughter.

    Mind you I'd want me and the family to be a ficking long way away went it went off.


    Me: FICKING BIG BANG
    Daughter: Bit excessive daddy?
    Me: Shut up, got rid of the twat didn't it?