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The definition of rank

GENERAL: Leaps tall buildings, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water amid hurricanes, gives policy to God.

COLONEL: Leaps short buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if the sea is calm, talks to God.

LT, COLONEL: Leaps short buildings with a running start and a favourable wind, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is faster than a speeding pellet, walks on water in indoor swimming pool, talks to God if a request form is approved.

MAJOR: Barely clears a Nissan hut, loses tug of war with a switch engine, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, is occasionally addressed by God.

CAPTAIN: Makes high marks by trying to leap buildings, gets run over by locomotive, can sometimes handle a gun without shooting himself, dog paddles, talks to animals.

1ST. LEIUTENANT: Runs into buildings, recognizes locomotive two out of three times, is not issued with live ammunition, can stay afloat in a Mae-West if properly instructed, talks to walls.

2ND. LEIUTENANT: Falls over the doorstep when entering buildings, says "Look at the choo-choo, wets himself, plays in mud puddles, mumbles to himself.

SERGEANT MAJOR: Lifts tall buildings and walks under them, kicks locomotives off the track, catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them, freezes water with one stare....

Corporal: Rights tall buildings. Replaces locomotives on their tracks. Picks up the brass from speeding bullets. Carries water to be frozen.


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