The Darwin Awards

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by The_Remover, Sep 13, 2010.

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    Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when
    the Dar win Awards are bestowed, honouring the least
    evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners:

    1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at
    his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach ,
    California , would-be robber James Elliot did
    something that can only inspire wonder. He peered
    down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This
    time it worked.....

    And now, the honourable mentions:

    2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a
    finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little
    shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
    company. The company expecting negligence sent out
    one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried
    the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's
    claim was approved.

    3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a
    space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago
    returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
    the space. Understandably, he shot her.

    4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a
    Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental
    patients he was supposed to be transporting from
    Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
    his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus
    stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
    He then delivered the passengers to the mental
    hospital, telling the staff that the patients were
    very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
    deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

    5. An American teenager was in the hospital
    recovering from serious head wounds received from an
    oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries,
    the lad told police that he was simply trying to see
    how close he could get his head to a moving train
    before he was hit.

    6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a
    $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When
    the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a
    gun and asked for all the cash in the register,
    which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the
    cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill
    on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from
    the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you
    and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

    7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty
    badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block
    through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
    and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it
    over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced
    back and hit the would-be thief on the head,
    knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window
    was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on

    8. As a female shopper exited a New York
    convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran.
    The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was
    able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
    Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.
    They put him in the car and drove back to the store.
    The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
    stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
    "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole
    the purse from."

    9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a
    man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan ,
    at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
    The clerk turned him down because he said he
    couldn't open the cash register without a food
    order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
    said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
    frustrated, walked away.


    10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a
    motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much
    more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the
    scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
    motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman
    said that the man admitted to trying to steal
    gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor
    home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the
    vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it
    was the best laugh he'd ever had.

    In the interest of bettering human kind please
    share these with your friends and family .... unless
    of course one of these individuals by chance is a
    distant relative or long lost friend. In that case
    be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

    ****** Remember ... they walk among us! ******