The Darwin Awards


Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when
the Dar win Awards are bestowed, honouring the least
evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at
his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach ,
California , would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered
down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This
time it worked.....

And now, the honourable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a
finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little
shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
company. The company expecting negligence sent out
one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried
the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's
claim was approved.

3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a
space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago
returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a
Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental
patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus
stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental
hospital, telling the staff that the patients were
very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital
recovering from serious head wounds received from an
oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries,
the lad told police that he was simply trying to see
how close he could get his head to a moving train
before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a
$20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When
the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a
gun and asked for all the cash in the register,
which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the
cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill
on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from
the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you
and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block
through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it
over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced
back and hit the would-be thief on the head,
knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window
was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on

8. As a female shopper exited a New York
convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran.
The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was
able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.
They put him in the car and drove back to the store.
The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
"Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole
the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a
man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan ,
at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food
order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.


10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a
motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much
more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the
scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman
said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor
home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the
vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it
was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering human kind please
share these with your friends and family .... unless
of course one of these individuals by chance is a
distant relative or long lost friend. In that case
be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

****** Remember ... they walk among us! ******
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