Fellow citizens, DO NOT listen to the lies being put forth by the likes of the BBC. I can assure you that there is no crisis. Nobody is resigning and all is well within The Glorious Republic of New Labour. We received 100% of the local and EU votes yesterday. I repeat their is NO crisis. Nobody wishes our valiant PM to stand down, he will be our inspirational leader for another 3 terms!! Whoever tells you different is a liar and only wishes to turn you against our brilliant and handsome leader.