Apropos of nowt, the town next to ours has the Travelling Community in it, for a Fair. Again, apropos of bugger all, around 1000hrs this morning, my neighbour told me that he'd had a knock on the door yesterday afternoon. A gentleman with a very strong Irish accent asked him if he wanted a drive laying ( my neighbour parks his car on his grass due to some unpleasantness with another neighbour over the communal parking). I digress. At about 0405 my wife hysterically informed me "Someone is trying to break in the house". The dogs had started growling, she'd got up and saw someone trying to lever the conservatory window. I went hoofing downstairs giving it laldy with my best war cry, but they'd taken off. OB called and arrived after about 5 mins with the dog. They found sign that the scroat had taken off through the field, but were unable to collar anyone. SOCO has been on site, found fingerprints, and taken impressions of the tool marks from the kitchen and conservatory windows. Anyway, if I had been lucky enough to catch the fucker, and disarm him, what would be your method of dealing with him. Let the Courts deal with it, or inflict some summary justice. In my fantasy, I'd disarm the cunt, and strip him. I'd then jam a piece of tubing up his arse, and run about a foot of razor wire up his jacksie, remove the tube, leaving a little tail which would then be tied to an inanimate object with about 15 foot of paracord. The scroat would then be told that he had to the count of ten before I came after him with a pick helve. He'd run and rip his hoop out as he did so. Anyone got a better idea?