Thinking further on from the thread about c-unt still owes me a tenner, I was chatting with a mate last night about another denizen of society, The Tight Bas-tard. I have known hundreds of Tight Bas-tards over my 41 years and I love the fcukers. They make for brilliant entertainment, as they wheel and deal their way through life, devoting all their efforts into saving a few pence on a round or a taxi ride, all the while assuming their mates didnt have them pegged from day one. Of course, the stinking, beanstealing pad is just one sub-species of the genus. Oh how we used to scream with laughter when a couple of bog rolls would fall out of the bottom of a combat jacket on troop knock off or shake our heads in disgust as buckshee compo was hovered up out the back of the troop stores, only to find its way into a kids packed lunch for the next day!! The pleasure to be derived from tormenting Tight Bas-tards in a pub, is worth putting up with their pennypinching ways. Ive known a lad for years, who has turned round dodging into a degree course. Hes fcuking brilliant at it and employs every single trick in the book. Weve all studied him down the years and every now and again one of the lads will say, Fcuking hell, that was a new one!!! As times gone on, some of them have asked why we havent ditched the stingy cu-nt, but I wouldnt have it any other way. Watching him covering his wallet like a kid trying to stop someone copying their homework, whilst he winkles out a motheaten tenner to get a round in, when hes finally been cornered, draws untold satisfaction. The joy of seeing the shock on his face when you say, Get us a bag of crisps while youre up there, mate!!! is worth getting seen off for a pint every now and again. Like all Tight Bas-tards, hes not short of a bob, hes just a little bit mentally ill. He sweeps his hand in the trough of the fruity every time he walks past, on the off chance hell find 10p. Hes always managed that impressive gear change that only the true Tight Bas-tard can pull off, wherein, hes first out of the cab but last into the pub. I remember going in to a boozer with him and three other mates about ten years ago. He stopped to tie his lace just as we were going in the door. One of the other lads started laughing and pointed at his feet, Theyre Velcro straps, Dave Fcuker didnt bat and eyelid .. Oh, I know, theyve lost some of their stickiness. You go on ahead, mines a Stella!!! If youve got Tight Bas-tard mates, dont shun them, torment the cu-nts, its a lot more rewarding.