The Corps DIT awards

OK OK.... following the success of the "mediocrity of RLC Officers" I'm a changed man!

I've realised that there are some really sound people in our Corps.

What better way to immortalise them than hold the Corps World DIT championships!

Gen M, has not only kicked it off with his the revelation that he was behind THAT prank phone call, but in my opinion is in Pole Posn thus far!

A couple of rules:
1. You can only post DITs that you were involved in, ie. no inter-ditting or 3rd party dits.
2. Strict adherence to OPSEC/Anonomity.

I reckon there must be some corkers out there...
"The General's Steak" anyone?
"The Shrine to the Brigadeer's Daughters"?

Lets 'ave em???
Right, I better start...and probably open myself up for prosecution...

A few years ago, I was on tour in Kosovo, I'd been draughted to RHQ and was working as a Regt personality's "understudy" AKA skivvy. He was rude and unprofessional & coupled with his excessive drinking/stinking hangovers and his general lack of hygiene, things became unpleasant...

Cue my visit to the sick-bay where I complained of awful, no, TERRIBLE was the worst ever. The Medic gave me some over-the counter laxatives, with a re-show in 3 days if there was no improvement.

Of course I paraded 3-days later and complained of the same symptoms, but this time stomach pains were worse etc! She consulted the doc, and prescribed some "special" liquid laxative, which as she explained, should be used with caution, a few drops being plenty...

Meanwhile, "Grotter" had completely lost the plot! He was arriving late, in utter sh!t state, missing meetings or sending others, signing up for tasks that were impossible to complete, ND'd his shooter etc!

Coincidently, a bout of D&V was going around. He dismissed this as "Bad Hygiene" and threatened to jail the next person that went man-down with the sh!ts!

Well, you know what they say about combat indicators, he should have known something was wrong when i piped up "Morning Sir, would you like a coffee??"

About an hour later, he disappeared for few days reappearing somewhat more slender and sober...strange?

On this occasion, the CoC, spotted him for what he was, a bluffing, shirking, p!sshead, despite shameless snekking! I heard he's still a Maj, propping up some none-job in a regional bde.

Here endeth the DIT!

((PS I later heard, under the strictest of OPSEC, from a 3rd party that one of the Cpls he taunted and treated pretty badly not only rimmed his mug daily, but on more than one occasion was spotted with said Officers "special racing spoon" hanging out of his ring!! Beautiful!!!)
Erm.....which Gen M are you on about in relation to the phone call?

General Melchett would like to state he is no way connected with the other Gen M (Malaise).
Picture the scene...............

Final Exercise at RMAS in Cyprus. We were on the final leg of a year of extreme boredom. FIBUA Exercise and the final attack at Paramali village. Our CSgt was a nice guy, but we thought we'd wind him up. We had a good mixture of floppies in our Platoon, including a great guy from the Nepalese Army. When the Gurkhas (who always play the enemy) attacked, he used to translate what they were shouting... very funny (but I digress).....

FIBUA Final Attack - After our phase of the attack was over, we were a little bored. We had captured several Gurkhas and had them all POW'd up (sat down drinking brews and smoking). The plan was unfolding. We knew our CSgt would be back in about 10 mins so we got to work.

We got the Nepalese Officer Cadet to swap clothes with one of the Gurkha POW's and adorn himself with orange minetape (all Sandhurst Enemy wear orange mine tape - it's like a subconscious trigger for us all now). Obviously coming from Nepal, he had the same features as the Gurkhas. We tied his wrists together, tied him off onto a metal ring high in the wall and started to interrogate him.

"Where are the rest of the Gurkhas!" "What does the Exercise Pink say?" "When does the Exercise finish?" "When do we get to go to Paphos?"

The rest of the Platoon are standing around shouting encouragement such as "Go on Mike, give the little sh1t another slap".

The Gurkha POW's thought this was excellent and even played along allowing us to stand menacingly over them pointing our rifles at them whilst they knelt with hands on heads.

All of a sudden, the CSgt and PC burst onto the scene. They just stood there watching their careers flash before their eyes.

"We've nearly got him cracked Colour Sergeant!" piped up one interrogater, slapping the prisoner round the back of the head.

The CSgt was the first to snap. Almost hysterical he started shouting "What the fcuk are you lot doing? Are you fcuking mad? Oh my God, Oh my God....... Cut that man down......." The Platoon Commander just stood there stunned, open mouthed. We were all off the course, we would never graduate, we'd be lucky if we all didn't go to Jail..............

The Nepalese Officer Cadet saw things going pear-shaped and so as the CSgt was sawing through the rope, smiled and said......"Hello CSgt, it's me!"... CSgt didn't twig for what seemed like ages, he just kept on saying how sorry he was and that his Officer Cadets didn't mean it..... They just got carried away....................

It took the Nepalese Officer Cadet about a minute to convince the CSgt that it was indeed a wind up. The POW Gurkhas were rolling around the floor p1ssing themselves.

The look of relief on the CSgt's face was evident. Pension still intact, he reverted to role and started shouting that we hadn't reorg'd properly and that we should be in all round defence..........

Good old Colour Sergeants!

(No Names, no pack drills, events may differ ever so slightly from actual reality to make it a readable story suitable for publishing - but it did happen)

Anyway, EVERYONE who isn't terminally dull has a 'Pete Tong' story - care to share?

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