I can see it now " And Joseph drove Mary to the old stables behind JJB sports in his modded Saxo and spake unto her, 'Yo bitch, annuver four of them and we get a bigger 'ouse from the council and more money for stella and fags'."
Fair do's though, most Chav mothers don't know who the father of their child is either!
Theres this bird called Mary, yeah? Shes a virgin (wossat then?) Shes not married or nuffink, but shes got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does joinery an that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref. One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. Shes like `Oo ya lookin at? Gabriel just goes You got one up the duff, you have. Marys totally gobsmacked. She gives it to him large Stop dissin me yeah? I aint no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!
So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, whos six months gone herself. Liz is largin it. Shes filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an that. Shes like Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon Im well blessed. Think of all the extra weez gonna get on the social an that. Mary goes Yeah, spose youre right Mary an Joe aint got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an go dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an that. But there aint no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an Joe break an enter into this garridge, only its filled wiv animals. Cahs an sheep an that. Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their eads.
Theyre like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus, an say theyre wise men from the East End.
Joe goes: If youre so wise, wotchoo doin wiv this Frankenstein an myrrh?
Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry? Its all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an sez hes got another message from this Lord geezer. Hes like The police is comin an theyre killin all the bay-bees.
You better nash off to Egypt. Joe goes You must be monged if you think Im goin dahn Egypt on a minging donkey Gabriel sez Suit yerself, pal. But its your look out if you stay. So they go dahn Egypt till theyve stopped killin the first-born an its safe an that.
Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an Jesus turns water into Stella.