The Chav Nativity

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Benji-son, Dec 20, 2005.

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    There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?) She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib down Nazaref.

    One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Ooo ya lookin at?' Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally gobsmacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'

    So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that.

    She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.' Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'

    Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that.

    But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that.

    Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from the East End.
    Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer.

    He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees.You better nash off to Egypt .' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm goin' down Egypt on a minging donkey'

    Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.' So they go down Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that.

    Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.

  2. lololololololololololololololoolol

    Tip: Use the search facility to see if anyone's posted it before! :wink:
  4. Take a good look at your Avatar! :)
  5. This is the 3rd time it's been posted.
  6. I'm terribly sorry chaps, i did type 'The Chav Nativity' in the search bar and it came up with 1109 results, and you can bugger me backwards if u think im gonna go through all of them and check.. :D
  7. So what language is that? :roll:
  8. Try turning the AND operator on. :)
  9. Y60 as you are a Yank, I'll assume that this is no Wah.

    That is pure Chav, written phonetically.

  10. Sort of backward, innit? I think all this originated from U.S. street gangs and the hip-hop/rap subculture. I've got nothing against blacks, but I don't understand the appeal the hip-hop culture has for white kids.
  11. As long as it shocks their parents it meets the aim.