A Canadian walks into a bar and ordered a beer. The bartender replied, "Sorry, we don't serve Canadians in this bar." "But I'm really thirsty," the Canadian replied. "I'll do anything for a beer!" "Okay," says the bartender,"if you can do three things, I'll get you a beer." "First," says the bartender,"do you see that big guy standing by the door? 6'5", 275 pound ex-NFL linebacker who got thrown out of the league for being too mean and nasty? You gotta knock him out cold and drag him out of the bar. That's number one." "Number two. Back in the kitchen we got this Doberman Pinscher. He's mean, he's nasty, he's vicious, he's hungry, and he's got a bad tooth. You gotta remove his bad tooth. That's number two." "Number three. Upstairs we got a 70-year-old, 300 pound hooker. You gotta screw her until she climaxes three times. That's number three." "I'll do it!" screams the Canadian. "What's first?" "First is the big guy by the door." The Canadian leaps to his feet and runs headfirst into the huge man. The two of them are rolling on the floor with fists and blood flying everywhere. Finally, the Canadian smashes a chair over his head and drags him from the bar. Panting and bleeding, he askes the bartender, "Okay, what's next?" "Number two is the dog in the kitchen." The Canadian runs into the kitchen. The bartender hears barking, yelling, snarling, screaming, and jaws snapping, followed by a long, painful howling that obviously came from the dog. The Canadian runs out of the bar, his clothes all ripped and filthy, and says to the bartender, "Okay, where's the old lady with the bad tooth?"