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The briefing before take off is for you security?

It even extended to uniforms. The old SWA cabin crew kit was as practical and comfortable as could be. Basically polo shirts, khakis or shorts and trainers. Not a strand of blue polyester to be seen. Now it’s the exact opposite. Shitty, flammable ‘smart’ uniforms for that upmarket ‘look’.
However, when in short sleeves in an aisle seat the sensation of the static pulling on your arm hairs as they go by is rather pleasant.
 
However, when in short sleeves in an aisle seat the sensation of the static pulling on your arm hairs as they go by is rather pleasant.
Ah, a connoisseur.

Tell me, when the male ones torpedo you in the shoulder with ‘Jumpseat Dick’ do you feel the same way. :)
 
Ah, a connoisseur.

Tell me, when the male ones torpedo you in the shoulder with ‘Jumpseat Dick’ do you feel the same way. :)
I can't actually remember the last time I flew with any male crew that didn't have a seat at the very front of the bus. I also select a window seat in this age of online check-in.

The ultimate static experience was on Garuda - there was noise and a visible flash between my arm and her thigh. Indo' aircrew - dressed in supernylon!

Edited to add: I got the impression that all the ugly women in Indo' were shoved onto Papua and any female over thirty was confined to the family home/hut/shanty. Apart from on Papua we did not see one unattractive lady for the year we were rotating in and out of the place. Also, all the domestic airlines seemed to have a policy of issuing their cabin crew with (nylon!) uniforms at least one size too small and only employing cabin crew that were a) female, b) stunning and c) equipped with the panacea in firm and perfectly shaped (and highly conductive) thighs.
 
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Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Logan Air, Kirkwall to Stronsay/Sanday/Eday/Westray etc, in an Islander, One pilot, 8 passengers on a full day, 2 doors, fold down seats, 4 rows of 2.
Safety brief, if given, was a quick glance over shoulder to see if anybody the pilot didn't recognise, was along lines of "exit is the door you came in. More usually, a quick "everybody strapped in?"

Never did the Westray to Papa Westray, shortest commercial flight in the world at somewhere in line of 90 seconds!
 
Logan Air, Kirkwall to Stronsay/Sanday/Eday/Westray etc, in an Islander, One pilot, 8 passengers on a full day, 2 doors, fold down seats, 4 rows of 2.
Safety brief, if given, was a quick glance over shoulder to see if anybody the pilot didn't recognise, was along lines of "exit is the door you came in. More usually, a quick "everybody strapped in?"

Never did the Westray to Papa Westray, shortest commercial flight in the world at somewhere in line of 90 seconds!
Aer Arann Islands did the same. One memorable flight had me as the sole passenger and a coffin jammed in at a jaunty angle. It was crammed with whiskey of questionable provenance.
 
Emptiest flights I've ridden are three of us in the back of a 24-seat SuperPuma and seven of us on a BA B777 going to Abu Dhabi on a Sunday. Commercial flight was epic: "Wouldn't you liek to sit up front in Business, sir. I don't think we'll be selling the seats to anyone now we're in the air," followed by the Business crew saying, "Wouldn't you like to sit up front in First. We're not going to sell the seat now we're in the air."

Economy and Business crews putting their feet up whilst First served us roast beef and Yorkie pud.
 
My first flight across the Atlantic was in a DC10. :eek: The crew were entertaining at times. One had amazing bouncy tits.:omfg::p:hump: The music on the in flight system got tedious. :sleepy: On the way back another stewardess danced while someone played the bagpipes! :dance:

We had the same crew on the way back. Immediately we left the runway a stewardess had a sudden realisation that the door was partly open! :omg: She was quick to pull it to. :meditate: TFFT!
No wonder the pope kisses the ground after a flight!

HUET (Dunker) training is worth going on if you get the chance. Video footage used to be scarce. This is what it looked like on the outside:


Here is one viewed from the inside. When I did this a couple of decades ago there wasn't an open end like there is in the one shown. Sometimes issues occurred with folk jamming up the doorway and needing to be pushed out or pulled out by the divers, while everyone else had to hold their breath! No mini air tanks then.


1. Partial immersion to get you used to the idea
2. Full immersion
3. Lights out full immersion
4. Lights out full immersion and inversion

A dry ditching simulator was worthwhile as well.

On other courses, in firefighting sessions, cosmetic smoke gives a realistic feel. Woodsmoke and fire more so when not wearing a BA set. With a BA set you can watch the air tank guage deplete as you run up and down stairs.

I generally read the info provided as door opening mechs vary. I also tend to count the number of seats between mine and the exits either end. Although intended for quite different scenarios the training definitely has me thinking about safety checks every flight.
 
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1. Partial immersion to get you used to the idea
2. Full immersion
3. Lights out full immersion
4. Lights out full immersion and inversion
Only four? We have to do it seven times! But we're not allowed to do it in the dark for HSE reasons. Even though in the winter if you're dicked for an ealry or late heli' it's likely to be flying in the dark!

1. Normal ditching: evacuate to liferaft via the door and execute the drills for erecting the canopy, streaming the sea anchor, etc. Then collapse the canopy and do winching-up-to-rescue-heli' drills.
2. Upright full immersion, no windows.
3. As #2 but with windows fitted.
4. Inverted full immersion with the inversion taking place at the half-immersion point, no windows.
5. As #4 but with windows fitted.
6. Partial capsize, fully immersed with windows fitted.
7. Inverted full immersion with the inversion occurring at the full immersion point, windows fitted.

All whilst deploying and using an Airpocket rebreather. Although this year I'll be getting to play with the shiny STAS bottle like the pilots have.
 
Logan Air, Kirkwall to Stronsay/Sanday/Eday/Westray etc, in an Islander, One pilot, 8 passengers on a full day, 2 doors, fold down seats, 4 rows of 2.
Safety brief, if given, was a quick glance over shoulder to see if anybody the pilot didn't recognise, was along lines of "exit is the door you came in. More usually, a quick "everybody strapped in?"

Never did the Westray to Papa Westray, shortest commercial flight in the world at somewhere in line of 90 seconds!
As a kid I did many Orkney flights but the one that I always remember was as I stepped out of the old shed onto the tarmac I was told that I’d have to sit up front because the planes full, so I laughed and proceeded to the normal door with everyone else - to be told again “there’s no space, come this way.”
I hopped into my co-pilots seat, took the headset I was handed and enjoyed the ride
..... my only concern was that I might need to grab the controls when after take off the pilot sat back in his seat, folded his arms and occasionally tapped the stick with his knee
 
My first flight across the Atlantic was in a DC10. :eek: The crew were entertaining at times. One had amazing bouncy tits.:omfg::p:hump: The music on the in flight system got tedious. :sleepy: On the way back another stewardess danced while someone played the bagpipes! :dance:

We had the same crew on the way back. Immediately we left the runway a stewardess had a sudden realisation that the door was partly open! :omg: She was quick to pull it to. :meditate: TFFT!
No wonder the pope kisses the ground after a flight!

HUET (Dunker) training is worth going on if you get the chance. Video footage used to be scarce. This is what it looked like on the outside:


Here is one viewed from the inside. When I did this a couple of decades ago there wasn't an open end like there is in the one shown. Sometimes issues occurred with folk jamming up the doorway and needing to be pushed out or pulled out by the divers, while everyone else had to hold their breath! No mini air tanks then.


1. Partial immersion to get you used to the idea
2. Full immersion
3. Lights out full immersion
4. Lights out full immersion and inversion

A dry ditching simulator was worthwhile as well.

On other courses, in firefighting sessions, cosmetic smoke gives a realistic feel. Woodsmoke and fire more so when not wearing a BA set. With a BA set you can watch the air tank guage deplete as you run up and down stairs.

I generally read the info provided as door opening mechs vary. I also tend to count the number of seats between mine and the exits either end. Although intended for quite different scenarios the training definitely has me thinking about safety checks every flight.
HMS Daedalus.

I’d wager the DC10 across the Atlantic was Caledonian? They used to do long haul Troopers while we did the SH. Commando was pretty much standard if legend is to be believed.
 
Is that even possible?
Well it surprised me until a bloke told me about a DC10 ejecting coffins from the cargo bay.
I heard the stewardess, sort of a controlled panic, then the thump and clunk of the door latch.
It was a bit of a what if moment...
I’d wager the DC10 across the Atlantic was Caledonian? They used to do long haul Troopers while we did the SH. Commando was pretty much standard if legend is to be believed.
It wasn't Caledonian. I didn't get to find out.
 
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Fitted for but not with for two reasons:

1. Even with 19 bears down the back it is very cramped but you know that.

2. By law an aircraft can carry 19 passengers without a cabin attendant. Add one more pax and you have to employ and train a cabin attendant and forfeit 15-20 minutes of fuel.

25 Year’s and 13000 hours on three generations of Pumas including the EC225 and I never had more than 19 scared shitless ladies and gentlemen looking over my shoulder.
 
They left my bag in Bucharest airport once I handed it in to the drop in on the way back to Luton..got it back in the end though but still, and the cabin girls were mostly all fit so not all bad.
From Dubai they weren’t. We we were all off to a wedding and the plane was 7 hours late. The pilot sounded drunk and the crew all looked like chavvy women from council estates with odd coloured hair and orange makeup, paying for extra room meant you got ta free seat seat next to you and when the seat in front reclined they were sitting on your lap. Thank god for alcohol
 
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What really amazed me was video of the passengers on the US Airways plane that ditched in the Hudson river in NY City. I saw people with suitcases and briefcases standing on the wings and on the evacuation slides/floats.
They did the same on the crashed Emirates flight. Crew were trying to evacuate All the passengers as the plane was on fire and they were all trying to get their hand luggage out of the overhead bins.
 

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