The Book im writing

Discussion in 'The Book Club' started by Nanuq, Jul 21, 2009.

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  1. I am kind of stuck, this is what i have so far:

    Chapter 1

    As LT Clnl Behrendt stepped onto the bridge of HMS Jai, he looked around for Captain Emil Alvisk, Captain Emil Alvisk had been lorcan's friend since she had joined the navy 13 years previous.

    The HMS Jai was a newly commissioned Battle Cruiser top of the line, the first of her class, she was sleek and nimble, yet she could pack a punch in combat, in War Games her crew excelled at every task, they where capable at the tasks that they had been assigned, more than capable. LT Clnl Behrendt saw Cptn Alvisk looking out to sea with her binoculars.

    “LT Clnl Behrendt reporting for duty ma'am” Behrendt sharply said

    “LT Clnl don't call me ma'am” Cptn Alvisk replied slightly annoyed at him calling her ma'am

    “Sorry Cptn, but regulations are regulations, so more field exercises for the crew?” LT Clnl Behrendt said looking out in the direction that Alvisk was looking in.

    “No. orders came in we are heading to the Gulf with the Enterprise, she will be heading the operation in the gulf” Alvisk says as she hands Lorcan the orders.

    “I'll get the task force 'Delta' ready, want to brief them?” Lorcan asks knowing that she will want to talk to the commandos.

    “I may come in on the end of the briefing if there is any updates that I need to go through” she looks into Lorcan's eyes as she gives him the heads up about the possibility of her needing to be there.

    LT Clnl Behrendt salutes as he walks off the bridge towards the Task Force briefing room to get ready to brief Delta Squad, the best that the world has to offer, he spent 4 years hand selecting the operatives for Delta, knowing each one will perform their job up to and beyond human capabilities.

    The operatives where selected not because of their physical traits but because each had unique skills that put them above other special forces operatives. LT Clnl Behrendt was Delta Lead, call-sign Nanook, he has had training from the S.A.S, the S.B.S, USMC, RMC, 1SFODD and the Jagdkommando before going on to creating the elite Delta Squad in late July 2006.

    Ssgt Seiko 'Seven' Lee was the first person into the briefing room with a cup of strong black coffee and a combat knife. She looks at Lorcan with her sharp blue eyes that could cut through almost anything, they sent a chill down the Clnl's spine, smiling as Seven sat down at a table and put her feet up on the table.

    “Sev feet off the table, they are filthy.” Nanook mocking Sev.

    “Not as filthy as yours, makes me want to rip off your boots and wash 'em with gunpowder” Sev replied with grimace in her eyes.

    “Sev you disturb me some times.” Nanook replied.

    Sev chuckles as Nanook looks at the door as sgt Leigh 'Fixer' Monroe walks into the briefing room carrying books on regulations.

    Why must she always read them. She knows them off by heart Nanook thinks as Fixer sets everything down. Fixer looks up at Nanook with her hazel eyes, they where almost innocent they had been seducing targets since her 6 years with Baltimore PD.

    “Boss will be late, as always, he hasn't even gotten up yet, that Delta does not even act like it.” She remarks angrily as she flicks through a different regulation book.

    “Then we start with out him as always” Nanook sighs shaking his head “there is a new operative joining us today, she is German so be nice to her. Her name is Christoph 'Nurse' Rothschild, she has spent the last 2 years with GSG 9, she is a promising young operative.”

    “Sir” Fixer interrupts

    “What is it Fixer?”

    “Nurse is only 22 years old she may not be able to cope in the combat situations that we enter. Are you sure you want her in the squad” Fixer states.

    “Fixer your concern is noted. That's why I set up the rigorous training protocols to select the best from the world and she is fully capable of what this unit does.” Nanook explains as Nurse enters the room. “ah Nurse welcome to Delta, please take a seat.” Nanook motions to the many empty chairs in the briefing room.

    “LT Rothschild reporting for duty sir, here are my transfer papers” LT Rothschild salutes and places the transfer papers on LT Clnl Behrendt's desk as she goes to sit down.

    “Well that's different” Sev mocks

    “Sev quit mocking the new operative” Fixer hisses

    Dammit Boss you are constantly late and have a general disregard for every rule Lorcan stares at Boss as he finally stumbles into the briefing room.

    “Boss sit down and I don't want any excuses about why you are late” Lt Clnl Behrendt grumbles as Boss sits down at a desk. “right now every one is here, I'll get started. We have been tasked to join the Enterprise's task force that is currently under way to the gulf” Lt Clnl. Behrendt brings up the map showing the Enterprise task group's route to the gulf “she will provide support to the troops that are stationed in Iraq and provide additional fresh troops for the fray. Our objectives are to provide the Enterprise with close support, I don't need to remind you that this will NOT be a cake walk, we will be patrolling the water in case some one decides to get cocky and attack the U.S task force in the gulf.”

    “Clnl this is not a true test of our abilities, we should be with the troops and trying to cut down on the losses.” Fixer speaks up
    “Fixer I know but our orders are clear, we are to protect the Enterprise.” Clnl Behrendt re-iterates. “Is every one clear on that?”

    “yes sir” the squad barks. Cptn Alvisk enters the briefing room with new reports. Fixer is the first to jump up.

    “captain on deck” Fixer Announces.

    “At ease sgt” Cptn Alvisk barks forcefully.

    “Sir yes Sir” Fixer sits back down with her head lowered.

    “Gentlemen and ladies we have just got a report from the Enterprise” Cptn Alvisk Began “she shall arrive in under 3 hours, I want you in your BDU's at 16:25 Zulu, that gives you 45 Minutes.”

    “You heard the Lady dismissed” Nanook Barked.

    At that moment every Operative jumped up and began to walk out the room towards the armoury. Leaving Cptn Alvisk and LT Clnl Behrendt in the room.

    “Lets hope they are truly ready for this” Cptn Alvisk remarked before leaving the room.

    Chapter 2

    The HMS Jai signalled the Enterprise as she laid in an intercept course with the fleet, Clnl Behrendt walked onto the bridge.

    “Welcome To Persian Gulf Commander, I'm glad to see you made it here all right.” Captain Alvisk spoke with sharp authority to Commander Rosalind.

    “Glad to be here captain.” Commander Rosalind replied “ it will take 3 hours to re-supply the troops on the ground and a further 6 hours to transport the wounded out of the war zone and 7 hours to get fresh troops into the combat zone, so we are looking at 16 hours for the first stage of the operation.”

    “Right, got it commander we will keep a look out for any trouble on the horizon” Captain Alvisk declared.

    “We will get under way as soon as we get the all clear from the troops on the ground.” Commander Rosalind said just before the line went dead.

    “Everything all right captain?” LT Clnl Behrendt enquired.

    “Yes Clnl everything is all right” Cptn Alvisk remarked admiring the Clnl's clean cut Battle Dress that seemed to have not had a single cut or mark on it in all the years that he has been in combat. “You know what amazes me? How you have kept that uniform so well maintained even when you have seen over 200 hours of combat with Delta Squad.”

    “The trick is to get a new uniform before any one notices the damage that the old one has suffered” LT Clnl Behrendt joked.

    “Sir, incoming transmission” a young ensign spoke with a shaky voice “The LZ is hot, Insurgents have attacked the port and now the port is over run with Insurgents, casualties are being reported. Troops cannot land at the port”

    “Dammit, now what do we do?” Cptn Alvisk asked as she looked at Lt Clnl Behrendt

    “We re-take the port, Delta is in a helo now waiting to dust off” Lt Clnl Behrendt spoke with an aggressive tone as he jogged out of the door to the helicopter pad.

    Lt Clnl Behrendt grabbed his custom AR-15 rifle and made his way to the Helicopter pad as quickly as possible. On arriving Delta Squad was already in the helicopter, and the helicopter was ready to take off.

    “Okay lets go” Lt Clnl Behrendt motioned to the pilot to take off. The Helicopter took off and headed towards the LZ.

    “We will arrive at the LZ in 2 minutes sir” The Co-Pilot said over the headset.

    “Just make sure you miss the RPG's sergeant” Ssgt Lee raising her voice over the noise of the engines.

    “Yes ma'am” The Co-pilot responded
    Sev offered a low growl at the Co-pilot, she hates the term ma'am always has. 2 minutes later the helicopter was hovering over the LZ, there where cracks of gun fire around the LZ of frantic marines trying to hold the lines, calls going out to fall back. Delta Squad made their rapid decent into hell.

    “Right lets get behind enemy lines and make a mess” Lt Clnl Behrendt barked

    “Just like your bunk Nanook?” Sev mocks

    “Yeah, hey wait what?” Nanook replies snapping around

    Sev just laughs as she makes her way forcefully forward. As the squad makes its way behind enemy lines they pull out a squad of marines that are pinned down by enemy fire. The squad's arrival turned the tides on the enemy squad forcing them to retreat behind cover.

    “Major are your men able to push on?” Lt Clnl Behrendt enquired

    “Sir, we are low on ammunition, but other than that yes sir.” Major Smith replied

    “Well Major there is an ammo dump, a half click east of here we will restock there and be on our way.” Lt Clnl Behrendt said as he downed another two hostile target's with his side arm.

    “Yes sir” Major Smith said while looking in amazement at the two almost perfect kills “Nice shooting sir”

    “Noted Major. Now lets get these Devil Dogs re-armed” Nanook chuckled “And Major call me Nanook”

    “Yes sir” Major Smith barked

    “Major don't sir me”


    “I never liked being called sir, just call me Nanook”

    “Got it.” Major. Smith replied with a smile, he never knew any officer not to want to be called sir.

    “Marines, lets move out!” Nanook ordered as he shouldered his rifle taking down two more enemy contacts that came round the corner.

    “Now that's what you call sharp shooting” Sev remarked while trying not to giggle

    “Nanook?” Nurse turns to Nanook “Why don't you like being called sir?”

    “To be perfectly honest, I just don't like being thought of as an ass-hole by the soldiers that hold a lower rank than I am.” Nanook replied laying down suppressing fire on an enemy unit and ordering Sev and fixer to flank the hostile unit with several marines.

    “I hear that” Major. Smith chimed in firing bursts of hot metal towards the enemy.

    “I just don't get it” Boss said while firing single shots before ducking down behind cover.

    “Same here” Nurse said while changing the clip in her M4A1.

    “Well, many officers don't want the men....” Major Smith started

    “Excuse me Major” Nurse angrily cut in

    “....And women under their command to hate them. Many like me and Nanook prefer a more personal approach in the combat zone and when there are other commanders with similar ideals about unit dynamics around. But if there is a Senior Officer that prefers to go by regulations and throw their authority around, the soldiers under our command will go by those regulations. Does that clear that point up?” Major Smith continued

    “Quite a bit Major” Nurse replied launching a grenade from the M203A grenade launcher under the barrel of the M4A1.

    “Okay enough chit chat lets move up shall we?” Nanook asked with out waiting for a reply.

    Nanook moved up with the rest of Delta Squad and the remaining marines to Seven and Fixers position.

    “On towards the munitions cache sir?” a young marine asked Major Smith

    “Yes PFC Watkins” Major Smith replied

    Delta Squad and the marines moved slowly towards the munitions cache checking each corner as they went. The two squads arrived at the Munitions cache and stacked up as they prepared to breach the cache.

    “Right, we get in and we get all the ammunition we can carry then we get behind enemy lines. Then the fun starts” Nanook laid the plan out so that every one understood what they had to do.

    “We also look for Medkits and other supplies” Major Smith went on “Nanook me and my men have been out here for 6 hours where as you and your unit are fresh, we need to rest before we head out”

    “Okay Major we head out in 2 hours” Nanook said as he reposition his rifle “Delta's I want a watch posted, covering the roads”

    Fixer, Seven, Nurse and Boss picked up fresh ammunition and took up defensive positions looking out onto the road.
  2. cpunk

    cpunk LE Moderator

    Do you drink a lot of turpentine?
  3. I got as far as "As LT Clnl Behrendt stepped onto the bridge of HMS Jai"
  4. Please tell me you are a 12 year old schoolboy and this is for your English homework. I'll grade it C-
  5. Too many abbreviated (and quite odd/wrong) ranks, too much banal conversation, and quite dull.

    It should appeal to 9 year old boys the world over.
  6. Alsacien

    Alsacien LE Moderator

    You would expect that to be the case in a book about the Navy, but it appears not to be the case.......
  7. I'm just wondering... when's your first thread on Stargate?
  8. Could you help me with the ranks please.

    Well i admit it could do with some /a lot of work.

    No im 20 years old and this is the first book that i have written

    To put it bluntly no
  9. what do you mean?
  10. FFS It. he. she. is probable not old enough to remember Stargate series 1
  11. Thats already been done
  12. He has watch stargate for a while i dont remember most of the stargate series i think i have seen some of the first series but i dont remember it well
  13. Have you got any kind of ties to the forces at all? Because at the moment, I've got this strange feeling that you're one of those military-fantasist/hanger-on types that attach themselves to this site.
  14. What a load of fecking bollocks I never heard anybody using that sort of language on one of Her Majestys Ships. Go back to yer rubber room.
  15. my grandad was in REME and my cousin is in the TA