The biggest lie of 2012

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by bitterandtwisted, Jan 31, 2012.

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  1. Equal opportunities here in Oz. Both sexes are fucking useless.
     
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  2. Another of the obvious lies that get peddled, along with 'women are better organisers' and 'women are better multi-taskers' (though why doing five things, badly, at the same time is a virtue I have yet to understand) and 'women make less fuss when they're ill' (ha!).

    Just say 'yes, dear' and carry on.
     
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  3. Yup, why do five things badly when you can do one thing well.....
     
  4. And the one thing that most of them should do well often leaves a lot to be desired and some of them don't like to swallow.
     
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  5. My missus is actually pretty good at parking her biggest problem with driving is crashing into shit.....3 times in 12 months.

    Some people go their whole lives without hitting anything, or maybe a little bump or something.......oh no, not my missus. 3 times she's crashed causing quite expensive damage each time.
    For my entire military career I chose my vehicles by what I could afford not what I wanted so spent a lot of time driving a succession of shit motors. Now I actually own a pretty good car one that I like anyway and she's forever bouncing it off stuff.
    Once into her mothers shogun, then into a brick gate pillar outside the house then a week ago into my dads car. Fucking nightmare.
    And as you all have rightly guessed by now she's forever telling me she's a better driver than I am.
     
  6. Statisticaly anyone who doesn't have a minor crash in the every 5yrs are more likely to be killed, as they are the most complacant.
     
  7. I drive carefully because I've seen a lot of dickheads smeared along the road like warm jam.
     
  8. My missus always used to drive like she'd stolen the bloody thing, which wouldn't be too much of a surprise knowing her. It was only ever a matter of time until she killed someone. It's not often that I'm grateful to the rozzers, but whoever it was that nicked her for driving while pissed out of her tree and got her that 18 month ban, cheers mate - I owe you a pint. :)
     
  9. Statistics are bollocks.
    People who don't have a minor crash every 5 years are better drivers, probably more careful, probably have better road sense, traffic awareness, reaction times, spatial awareness and good judgement.

    But fear not if a government muppet in an office has told you to smash your car up every 5 years as it makes you less likely to be killed then crack on just don't drive anywhere near me.
     
  10. Covert surveillance of NCP car parks across Britain has shown that while women may take longer to park, they are more likely to leave their vehicles in the middle of a bay.

    They take longer to park and leave their vehicles in the middle of the bay does not mean they are better at parking. It means they are fussy fucking timewasters, trying to make their vehicle look 'nice'between the lines, tooing and froíng at the expense of the growing queue of males waiting behing them who are then forced to abandon their cars and run to their work/appointment to make sure they arent late whilst Doris swans off to meet her pals for some window shopping and morning coffee having fun whilst the bread winner is getting another roasting off his boss for being late.

    Or something like that, covert surveillance, taking liberties with the phrase CCTV.
     
  11. Once again proof that "A survey said...", "Tests prove....." and "A scientific study shows....." are indications that an item on the news is either a 'filler' or just complete bo!!ocks.
     
  12. So, who is it then that continually leaves the 4x4 or people carrier parked in the middle of the white lines at the parent and child parking at Asda(other supermarkets are available) thus taking up two spaces?
     
  13. Two cases of my missus parking. Knock on the door mate across the road "Is that your wifes car down there?" Looked out the door and there it was wedged up against a telegraph pole. She'd left the handbrake off. Second time, heard a screeching noise outside, went outside her car was parked on top of the dividing wall between us and the neighbours house with the two nearside wheels hanging over their drive. Apparently her foot slipped. Took two trolley jacks to get it down.
     
  14. Stupid bitch, I hope you slapped her around a bit?