The Big Lies People Tell In Online Dating

Discussion in 'Lonely Hearts' started by CutLunchCommando, Jul 25, 2010.

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  1. People lie to get sex. What's so surprising about that? Happens in real life as well as on t'internet you know.
  2. Command_doh

    Command_doh LE Book Reviewer

    I didn't lie, demand pictures of women naked or send them shots of my cock. I engaged them in conversation and it tended to work, probably in part due to my (uncharacteristic) lack of filthiness.
  3. No Shit sherlock. They don't lie, they just apply different meanings to adjectives: curvacous = one pie away from attracting Japanese whalers.

    I think you have to posit an ARRSEy opinion before we can get all discussy.
  4. OK.

    Have you walted as a bisexual to get a result?
  5. I've pretended to be a woman to cyber a woman. Problem was that it turned out to be another guy pretending to be a woman as well.

    Does that make me gay, a lesbian, bisexual or just desperate?
  6. This decoder may help:


    Adventurous……………………..Slept with everyone.

    Athletic…………………………..small breasts.

    Average looking…………………Moooo.

    Beautiful…………………………Pathological liar.

    Emotionally Secure………………On medication.

    Feminist………………………….Over weight.

    Free Spirit………………………..Junkie.

    Friendship first…………………..Former Slut.

    New-Age………………………….Body hair in the wrong places.

    Old-fashioned……………………No oral.


    Outgoing…………………………Loud and embarrassing.


    Voluptuous………………………over weight.

    Large frame………………………over weight.

    Wants soul mate…………………Stalker.

    Independent Thinker . . . . . . . Crazy.

    High-Spirited . . . . . . . . . Crazy, hyperactive, and throws things.

    Free-Spirited . . . . . . . . . Crazy and irresponsible.

    Ample . . . . . . . . . . . . . Large.

    Huggable . . . . . . . . . . . . Large.

    Dynamic . . . . . . . . . . . . Pushy.

    Assertive . . . . . . . . . . . Pushy with a mean streak.

    Excited About Life’s Journey . . No concept of reality.

    Moody . . . . . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive.

    Unpredictable . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive and off medication.

    Soulful . . . . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive and quiet.

    Poetic . . . . . . . . . . . . . Manic-depressive and boring.

    Looking for Mr/Ms Right. . . . . Looking for Mr/Ms Rich.

    Very Human . . . . . . . . . . . Quasimodo.

    Uninhibited . . . . . . . . . . Lacking basic social skills.

    Irreverent . . . . . . . . . . . Mean and lacking basic social skills.

    Aging Child . . . . . . . . . . Self-centered adult.

    Freedom-loving . . . . . . . . . Undependable.

    Young at Heart . . . . . . . . . Over 50.

    Youthful . . . . . . . . . . . . Over 50 and in major denial.

    Chatty . . . . . . . . . . . . . Never shuts up.

    Humorous . . . . . . . . . . . . Watches too much TV and never shuts up.

    Financially secure. . . . Has a job.

    Affectionate . . . . . . . . . . Horny.

    Romantic . . . . . . . . . . . . Horny.

    Passionate . . . . . . . . . . . REALLY horny.

    "I love snowboarding, skydiving, scuba diving, bungee jumping and jumping off high things"
    "I am an accountant. My name is Trevor. I live in Milton Keynes."

    "I am looking for a woman who is as happy in a little black dress as she is in a pair of Wellington boots."
    "My name is Henry, and I live in Gloucestershire. You will have to make room for Labby the Labrador in our marital bed. I love Nanny best."

    "I enjoy going out and staying in."
    "I will never have anything of any import to say about anything, ever."

    "I am looking for a committed relationship."
    "I am a commitmentphobe looking for a series of one-night stands with emotionally unstable women"

    "I am just a normal guy looking for a normal woman. Looks not important."
    "I am clinically insane, and rarely wash."

    "Hi i am New to London, looking friends and Good Times!!!"
    "I am from Russia, and looking for residency."

    "My weight could be most accurately described as: a few extra pounds"
    "I weigh at least 250lbs and have to do internet dating because I can't walk anymore. I have strange things caught in folds."


    "I am a 42 year old woman"
    "I am 50, and my husband has just left me for his 37 year old secretary, Patricia. I think they've been at it for years but I can't be sure. But I've pulled myself together, and I'm up and at 'em: no-one's going to stop me being happy."

    "I am average looking."
    "I fell hard from the ugly tree, hitting every branch on the way down."

    "I am attractive"
    "I am plain. You wouldn't remember my face if you were introduced to me twice, but I'm not actually ugly."

    "I am very attractive"
    "I look after myself and in a certain light, am not unattractive."

    "I am very good looking."
    "'I am a delusional, narcissistic fool."

    "I like independent women."
    "I refuse to commit, and I will be particularly reluctant to commit if you earn more than me and are funnier/more intelligent than me."

    "I live life to the full."
    "I do not know what I am saying."

    "I am looking for someone to make me better."
    "I am me, and I will not change, so don't even try it; just accept me for who I am."

    "I often enjoy a round of golf"
    "I am a twat."

    "I've been concentrating on my career and have just noticed that all my friends are married with kids."
    Two options here:
    1. "**** me, better pay attention and get on with it"; or
    2. "I have had to fill my life with work because no-one wants to go out with me."

    "I like cuddling up on the sofa with a DVD and a bottle of red wine."
    "I am so dull I can't think of anything else to do with the time I have left over from tending my terrapins."

    As it goes everyone really likes doing this, but you shouldn't say it out loud. And for the record, you need at least 2 bottles.

    "I can't believe I'm doing this!"
    "I am a bit embarrassed that I am this desperate." Come on, love, we all are: it's fine.

    "I can't believe I've had to resort to this."
    "I am angry that someone has gorgeous as I am is like everyone else, really."

    "Looks aren't that important to me."
    "I care very much how someone looks, but don't think I'm good looking enough to be able to say that."

    "I asked my friends how they'd describe me, and they said kind, funny, and generous to a fault."
    "I have 3 friends: 2 men called Andy, and a woman called Helen I went out with once. We were all at university together."

    Like people who are murdered (who are always described in the most glowing terms - do only the good die young, or was Joel pulling our legs?), friends ONLY ever say 'kind, generous, loving, funny'. And perhaps 'crazy'. Or 'kooky' if they're a girl. If I asked my friends what they thought of me they'd laugh until they couldn't speak.

    "My friends can't believe I'm single."
    "My friends ply me with consolatory words when I am being drunkenly maudlin."
    More like they wish you weren't single, then they wouldn't have to hear you going ON AND ON about it the whole time and looking at them resentfully at couples-only dinner parties.

    As it happens my friends can believe I'm single, but not in a bad way.

    "I have just come out of a relationship."
    "I need someone to make me feel better, for I am very, very lonely and confused."

    Avoid. At all costs. Whatever you do. Really. They are not over it, whatever they say. If someone mentions an ex, or the fact that they've just come out of a relationship, it means they are still thinking of the other person, and therefore will not have any room in their head for you. I have said this elsewhere, I know.

    "I'm a crazy, kooky girl just looking for love, smiles and cuddles!!!!!!!! :)"
    "I am mentally deficient and like glitter."
  7. Men on dating sites are invariably shorter than they say they are, I don't mind as I'm small but really why bother you may as well just admit you're insecure about your height.
    Men with half naked pictures or pictures of themselves with their cars or motorbikes= *********
    Men who use pictures of celebrities and later send you real pictures that reveal the hideous shame of their facial features= *********
    Men whose usernames promise a nine incher at least= big big *********
    Men who pretend to read highbrow literature and like opera so as to engage you in conversation but can't keep up this conversation without the help of google= stupid ******* *********

    They're mainly just ********* to be honest.
  8. I have just come out of a relationship."

    Any hint of this and you are in for an emotional kicking as they WILL take their anger and frustration out on you

    The following statement is so very true
    Quote" Avoid. At all costs. Whatever you do. Really. They are not over it, whatever they say. If someone mentions an ex, or the fact that they've just come out of a relationship, it means they are still thinking of the other person, and therefore will not have any room in their head for you. I have said this elsewhere, I know." Quote
  9. That's not necessarily true. It's possible for people to be able to discuss their past partners without having a hang up or to still be pining for them. It's reasonable, for example, if someone has recently come out of a relationship for them to say 'look i'm not diving head first into a relationship because this shitty thing happened recently but I'll dive head first into other stuff'.
  10. OKcupid appears to be full of angry bisexuals, who don't like text speak, bad grammar or anything vaguely funny

  11. Sorry, don't agree.

    To enter a new relationship you must have complete closure- on both sides.

    I have experience of 3 different women- 2 just out of relationships who in different ways were looking to the man who had left them, one to rekindle what was and so banged on and on about him and one to work out her anger.
    The third was 6 months widowed and that was the best because altho, she talked of him ,it was as a memory- we lasted about 12months before realising we wanted different things but even now- 5 years later swap cards and the odd txt.

    And yes I too was difficult at times- mainly due to having my son left with me and being afraid to get too deeply involved but being stupid enough not to say anything and thus causing friction.
  12. Good God, it's getting like a bloody Agony Aunts Page on here.

    If you crave sex, get on an adult site. Post real pic but do not show your face. If the individual(s) sounds like your cup of tea get them to email you a facial photo (use a hotmail account set aside especially for your adult 'friends' This is so you can check it's not actually your wife, husband, boss, son etc. Send them pic of you.) Arrange mutual meet in a hotel bar (especially you ladys, don't want to be meeting Mr Mad Axeman at some dogging site) NEVER EVER reveal your full name, occupation or address. Have a drink, if not your type 'go to the loo' = exit stage right. If they are crack on.

    Repeat above as desired, this time they pay for the room.

    Christ how hard can it be???
  13. I'm inclined to agree with you on that but what's laudible and admiral is not, in reality, always so cut and dry.
    People leave their marks on us in all kinds of ways and our past relationships shape our future relationships; they instruct us on how to operate and how not to operate, how to love and what love looks and feels like to us. We are the sum of our experience so I don't see why talking about past relationships and patterns and observations of past relationships is a bad thing. In fact I think it's a good and healthy thing. To a degree. Nobody wants to counsel their new love on the heart break of their last break up and I'm not a big fan of the rebound relationship but there's a middle ground. That's the problem I have witht he term closure (other than it's American and a bit wanky), it suggest you pack up and move on but it's not so black and white.
    I wouldn't get involved with a man who paid more attention to his past relationships than to his future ones because that's just not sensible and it would show me he wasn't fully participating. if you see what I mean.

    This is what's called baggage isn't it?

    That's a grey area isn't it because the dead are less threatening than the living, there's no chance that they'll turn up and claim their love back and there is a more profound respect of the grief of the widow/widowed. That kind of situation is very much a negotiation.