The bidet, a brief history of

When I had our house built the builder said he fitted bidets as standard, the wife and I said no as we didn't think it necessary. Now however, it would be very welcome especially after I have eaten those slightly firm Conference pears.....
Never seen one but have heard of them, if you want a jet of water to massage your rectum, balls, fanny or clit so be it. It may even be quite erotic.
Other then pissing in one while two (or three.. :/) of my muckers were crowded round the same toilet (thus rendering it properly occupied) at a house party some years ago, I've never used one myself.

I'll stick to my John Wayne I think. By the sounds of it, you'd still have to wipe anyway...
I love a bidet.

It is very hygienic and leaves one feeling fresh.

I now use baby wipes as part of post dump routine. Much cleaner.
Gross! And my mother always told me to stay away from the public drinking fountains because horses drank from them.

"Yeah. And? The water running day and night would rinse horse slobber off, wouldn't it?"

I love bidets. Ideal for giving your rantallion co ck a perfunctory douche prior to being fellated.


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while suffering from D&V in Jordan I used one to clean my burning ringpiece as there was no way I could scrape the hotel sandpaper over it.


All very well until your three year old thinking its an odd looking toilet lays a giant log in it and invites his mother to appreciate the effort.

Also in the ME in the summer the water coming out is just this side of scalding. Tending to a throbbing ring having overindulged on curry and beer is cut very short as a jet of water hot enough to brew tea with shoots up your ricker.

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Bum guns- couldn't live without one now, although the thought of having one in the UK on an icy winter's morning could be shocking!
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Sprog-carrying chavette to hotel manager: "Is that used to wash baby in?"
Hotel manager to sprog-carrying chavette: " No madam, it is used to wash baby out".
Why the feck is it though, that here in France every time I have seen a bidet, its in a different room to the toilet. Surely that defeats the point.



Just unscrew the shower head, spit on the end of the hose and shove it up your ringpeice. Squeaky clean.

NB probably best to ensure it's not scalding hot first...

Talking out of my bum, via a mobile telephone.


Why the feck is it though, that here in France every time I have seen a bidet, its in a different room to the toilet. Surely that defeats the point.

Exactly, I've been in countless houses which have odd sanitary arrangements, such as a small cupboard sized room containing a crapper but no washbasin - the basin being in the "bathroom" next door! Never quite got my head round this.

As to the bidet question, how are you supposed to use it without getting most of your clothing drenched?

Surely the most hygienic solution is to take a dump when you first get up, followed by a shower - sorted for the day. Anyone who can't arrange their bottoms in this way is odd and disorganised in my book!