The best of Bullshit in Regts/ Units you've known!

Just as a few people say (in the Coldstream guards to go thread) that the Guards is full of Bullshit and a few Guards turn to say it's actually discipline (which I agree with), what's the most stupid bullshit you've known a Regt or Unit to do?

Please not that Regimental traditions and punishments are NOT to be included, this is for stuff that's made up by RSM's and the like to big themselves up before they get pushed out. It's my train set and I want to play with it until it breaks!

Keogh Bks, 1996 - Having to watch 2 Sgt's getting abused for not marching together, side by side, on their way to a class. Then the next day watching a class of about 15 Sgt's & S/Sgt's being marched around by a fucking Cpl!

The fat Welsh RSM telling everyman and his dog that there are "2 Ways around this camp, you can march or you can run"!
When I had the misfortune of serving as the Rear Link Sgt with 1 BW in Werl, I recall a CSM marching up and down behind the fire trenches at Haltern Ranges with his pace stick and twatting people on the head with it if they were making an arse of themselves with their weapon handling etc. What made it really surreal was that it was in January or February and there was a foot of snow on the ground - those were the days!! :)
watching a SSM on exercise pinging rocks off blokes helmets, when asked why replied 'treat em mean keep em keen'
same bloke making a sqn do drill in field with knee high grass to impress some foreign rodneys
total fcuking prick
As a Tom, having to take part in a full blown Bn muster parade just because the Unit found out that afterwards the Officers were entitled to a champagne breakfast at public expense.

This was, however, in 1989, when we used to have an army.
I can't remember where I saw this, maybe Albermarle or Marne barracks, but the artillery blokes on stag at the main gate had their high leg boots bulled up as if they were ammo boots or something. Bizare!
Osnatraz mid 90s went up there to give some security briefings to a guards battalion. Everyman and his dog was some sort of stick in waiting, waiting for little old me to arrive! The guard was comprised of NCOs as the razzman had decided the poor guardsmen needed their sleep so should not do nasty staying awake guard duty or so I was told. After a few beers and quiet night in the mess woken early by the guard mounting on the square which comprised lots of marching up and down and the orderly officer and a bugler/drummer in full ceremonial kit. It was Osnatraz ffs not Buck House.
Here we go back to Catterick mid 1950's. CO, Lt Col We***n, he of the pronounced stammer, decided we were under imminent danger of an IRA attack, so he devised a cunning plan.

An ammo box was screwed to the guardroom floor, and two 5 round clips of .303 were placed in the box which was padlocked shut. The guard commander was issued a thunder flash, which he had to keep on his person.

This was the plan; Paddy rolls up and attacks the guardroom, guard commander ignites thunder flash and throws it out the window, Orderly Officer (in the mess) hears the explosion, puts his slippers on and nips to the guardroom in his pyjams, unlocks the ammo box, sentry takes the 10 rounds, loads his bundook and sees off paddy.

Thank all the mercies that paddy never paid us a visit.


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Once, in my battalion, we had a csm who thought it good that we should brush the mud off our boots! Lasted until the RSM heard about it and told him we didn't do bull in Greenjackets. ( CSM was from Oxs and Bucks)
just remembered another about the nice ssm- lads had a pis s up in the block, monday morning ssm hears about it then marches us to the block.
stood by beds showing all alcohol in room.
all that had booze put on 3 months bender and remedial p.t. for god knows how long and a weeks block inspections.
those without booze got the block inspections.
even lads away at the weekend got the good news
then apparently the ssm asked someone 'do you think i've gone too far?'

complete and utter wankre of a man
Once, in my battalion, we had a csm who thought it good that we should brush the mud off our boots! Lasted until the RSM heard about it and told him we didn't do bull in Greenjackets. ( CSM was from Oxs and Bucks)
My grandad was in the Ox & Bucks Light Infantry in WWI, his name was Bert, do you think your CSM knew him?
44 hq sqn 35 engr regt-mid nineties.all singlies stagging on the blackboard outside the sqn office,every hour for fucking days on end.some cunt decided it was good crack to write abuse on it about the sqn-i believe the offending comment was:"44 sucks".the thick cunts couldn't work out,that,it was obviously some sad pad that was jealous of singlie life style.cunts.

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