The best fun you've had.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by The_Snail, May 27, 2012.

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  1. I, myself, have spent it in a fucking barstard car but have had fun.

    Did you know that Leprecauns are fighting Smurfs over Spargel?

    I thought not.

    JK has nowt on us

    Our story will be told over a 9 hour journey, and Calais are getting fucking rats, the cunts.

    Dirty fucking Germans and French.
    • Like Like x 1
  2. erm are you on about sluggy? booze cruise go a bit wrong?
  3. Back in about '69 (1969 not 1869 you cunt) I was rubber dicked to accompany my bridgelayer on a (Mighty) Antar to somewhere other than Hohne. The Antar was crewed by two nutty Polacks who achieved gear changes by means of both pulling and shoving at the gear lever as well as booting it and shouting DOBRA, DOBRA at each other.

    We were in a convoy and completely fucked the traffic up as we were very slow compared to the Merc driving, light flashing Germans on the autobahn.

    My Antar broke down as soon as we left the autobahn, near a Dorf. The rest of the convoy receded into the distance and a REME bod turned up, gave the engine a fucking good looking at and promised to come back with a spare phlangiknacherbearingbollockythingy, later.

    The two Polacks (Nichts Verstehen MSO Bielefeldt), dragged me off to a local house and the beer drinking started. Turns out the woman of the house was a widow. She was wearing a black dress with sussies underneath.

    About 9 in the evening the Polacks fucked off and left me with the words "we leave dawn, you no there we go without".

    I ended up in bed with this the sussie wearing Frau who behave like she hadn't had sex in ten years. Maybe she hadn't. But by fuck we had some that night. I didn't need to worry about not waking up, we didn't sleep, but just fucked and sucked all night.

    I slept in the cab of the Antar next day with the words DOBRA DOBRA floating around the cab, until we arrived at somewhere and I had to offload my beloved E41D.
    • Like Like x 5
  4. Negligent-Discharge

    Negligent-Discharge LE Book Reviewer

    Best fun…
    1) Going on holiday with the kids – all grown up now – and messing about and all of us going native and loving it unlike the other Brits.
    2) Dancing like your mad uncle on Speed at any BBQ going and not caring.
    3) Diving in the Carribbean.
    4) Loads of beer and a good Kebab later with the obligatory scuffle with some Chavs outside.
    5) Getting paid to do identity parades and being shoitefaced and laughing with the regulars on the lineup at ourselves in the one way mirror.
    6) Flying a Gypsy Moth from Redhill Aerodrome and getting as close as possible to LHR or LGW and watch the big jobbies take off and roar past above you.
    7) “Working” at Dad’s ranch in British Columbia – fishing, drinking with the old man, shooting things and eating them and riding my horse and shouting at cattle.
    8) Going on training courses in places like Lydd and descending on crap Pubs, gawping at the civvies, reeking of Lynx and testosterone, trying to get the youngest squaddie laid for free.
    9) Laughing in bed last night with TSO. In tears at our versions of the Eurovision entries. In fact, most of the time lying in bed with TSO and pissing ourselves laughing… until she snores through the fog of Sainsbury’s cheapest.
    10) Not getting caught. From nicking grapes and scoffing them with the kids in the supermarket, helping ourselves to all the freebies at the Farmers’ Market, getting one over on Traffic Wardens/Bureaucrats/shop assistants.
    11) Finding a Fiver in the street and spending it on two Pints with Stevie.
    12) Hearing the magic words “End Ex!” and getting ready for a good shower, good scoff and a night in the Mess behaving badly/Godly.
    • Like Like x 2
  5. Sluggy,

    1Can't you sleep?
    2Are you pissed off about Eurovision and chose to vent your anger here?
    3Were you on the back seat of the car,or draped around the gearstick,or in the boot with gaffer tape wrapped around yer mush?
    4.WTF are you on about?
  6. Hmm, Sluggy and Jarrod are cutting about in Calais.....whats going on? Are they having an affair? Is jarrod confused about his sexuality now?
  7. Back in '69 (1969 not 1869 you cnut) I spent a very pleasant 2 weeks leave, free, with an attractive German
    Widow on her farm, all my whims were catered for and I do mean ALL!
    The only rule she enforced was that I should always be dressed in a long black dress and I should always wear

    Well, one evening she left me in charge of the farm and went off to visit her sister for a couple of days, around
    about half past eight there was a tremendous racket outside, followed by furious knocking at the door, I opened
    the door to find two incoherent foreign types and a small green thing with the whispy beginnings of a beard.
    After providing a couple of bottles of the local, the two incoherent foreign types bade me farewell and asked
    me to look after the small green thing, which by this time was sitting on the floor playing with a Dinky Toy
    Centurion and making funny 'Crudden, Crudden' noises.

    Being a kind sort and a Bleep to boot, I asked the now quivering small green thing what I should call him,
    "Matt" was the falsetto reply
    "Well, Matt, it's time for beddy bye byes, but there is only one bed but don't worry you can bring your
    little Tank"

    So orft we go up the dancers to bedfordshire, me thinking that at last I've got me a cherry boy but it
    was not to be. The small green thing spent the whole night crawling around on the floor pushing the
    Dinky Toy and making 'Crudden, Crudden' noises closely followed by me with Black Dress hitched up
    and sporting a monster Anal prod, could I catch him? could I hell.

    He left early the next morning, still clutching the Dinky Toy and muttering something that sounded like
    "This one will never break down"
    not even a byebye, kiss my arrse or by your leave!

    It just goes to show...'You can never fuck the Royal Engineers'
    • Like Like x 2
  10. I'm confused...
  11. When I was in a nasty enclave, I was taken in by an American woman who let me kip in her bed, between clean sheets and made me tea. Then in the small hours, she came into the room and pleasured herself on the bed with a giant, blue, cactus-shaped dildo. I slept though most of it and had the good manners not to notice her antics when she woke me up with her screaming orgasm.

    Then she buggered off and left me in peace.

    When I kicked down the sheets, I found a giant turd, which I think might have been hers.
  12. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Yeah, Calais. Most amusing Sis. I laugh. Har Har. I know however that you and slack boy will be bombing up from Stuttgart to Berlin, hook a right and invade Poland. Like we agreed. I know you will not return to me without Poland. Plucky little Poland. I shall polish it every Saturday morning and only take it out on sunny days. I cannot wait. Poland.

    Snag us a couple of sleeves of Marlboro on your way back in, eh? Cheers.
  13. Best fun I ever had? TT Week 2000, just left the Army, on a very nice 916 which just for once was 100% up for it electrically, roads closed, bright sunshine, following a local nutcase across the Mountain. Got all the lines, did what he did and went faster across there than I ever have before. Felt like a biking God. Of course, the next time I did it, I got it horribly wrong and was back to my usual wanker self.