I was at a party on saturday with the missus, and it was without a shadow of a doubt the most boring do i've EVER been to. i tried to get into he swing of things but it was getting so bad i was almost going mental, i even got bored with sneakily hurting any kid who came near me and then making a joke about it with their parents, and even letting off a load of fireworks i'd got last year "off the back of a lorry" only cheered me up momentarily i started to think about an exit strategy that didn't involve a large domestic, or just disappearing over a wall and hit on a f*cking corker. i went up to the missus who was deep in conversation with some elderly relative of hers and asked if i could have a quick word in her ear "what's up?" she asked.... "i've got a bit of a problem" i whispered back "what ... have you damaged another child?" "er .... no, worse than that" "well what then ... please dont tell me you've broken any of their stuff" "no ... but i'm going to have to go home" "why ... WHAT HAVE YOU DONE" (said with an accusing glare) "i've sh1t me pants" "you .... you've what" "i've sh1t me pants .... i farted and i've followed through, er can we talk about this outside" " i don't f*cking believe this !!" "nor me ... you want to be in my pants !!!" "well, you'd better go home and sort yourself out then" f*cking result !!!! 10 minutes later, back home laying in front of the telly with a beer on the go and no missus !!! rinse perfectly good pants in sink and throw them in the dohbi and she's none the wiser ... what's the most desperate excuse you've used to get out of a situation ?????