The Beard Thread

Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by TheIronDuke, Dec 26, 2009.

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  1. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Having a few moments respite from the nightmare that is my life, I've given up shaving.

    Its been a year or two since I have grown a beard, and theres one or two silver hairs among the....

    Yeah, well.

    It is not growing as fast as it used to, and the bird says it is chaffing her inner thighs. And I find myself touching it. Often. Stroking it. And waking up in the night. Wondering if my beard should go under the covers. Or over the covers.

    Any advice welcome.
  2. I'm clean shaven. If you want me to take over your responsibilities of muffing your missus then I honestly don't mind!
  3. I had a beard for a few months, women hated it and said it made me look like an old tramp.....and to be fair I could see their point. Blokes, on the other hand seemed to nod their approval.
    It was quite handy if I was caught a bit peckish as I'd just dig out some of my previous scoffs from within the whiskers. Happy Days!
  4. You looked like that fella out of Shameless. :D

    I have a duty goatee, and have had it since I came out. It looks like a badgers face, all white and black.

    I like it though, and that's all that matters.
  5. Your beard was just wrong Jack - you know it!
  6. You were just jealous of my manly mutton chops.
  7. ancienturion

    ancienturion LE Book Reviewer

    Ah, yes. But I always found soup to be a bit of a strain.
  8. That's a terrible pune or play on words! :)

    I usually grow a full set from the first frost of summer till the clocks change in the spring. When I shave it takes people I see every day weeks to notice... :cry:
  9. I myself on xmas eve had decided that I will grow a beard until I've completed the coast to coast in September. I have no problem with my face resembling a giant horse vagina, my wife regularly tells me my breath smells like a dirty cock locker but she is yet to explain how she knows this. The plan is to shave it all off the day I finish the coast to coast for charidee mate. At the moment I have a touch of designer stubble going but soon it. Shall look like the bush belonging to the bird in the joy of sex except it will turn brown/ginger/grey and will make me even more attractive than I already am. Photo's to follow.
  10. How could anyone be jealous of your beard? You looked like you were off to drink purple meths out of a brown paper bag.
  11. Longlenny

    Longlenny War Hero Book Reviewer

    Why do blokes shave, is it purely for vanity, do they want to look like a woman? Why do you take a sharp implement, scrape the first layer of skin off your face and then go out in the cold. An even better idea, scrape the first layer of skin off your face and then rub raw spirit (aftershave) into the wounds. I think the blokes from Gillette are laughing all the way to the bank. I haven't had a shave for thirty two years. Got a full set of whiskers and the signifcant other loves it. Thats the whiskers you randy old sods. Well and the other as well if I am honest but......
  12. More importantly, why do the army insist that we shave out side burns halfway up the ear? What's that all about? 8O
  13. I like it when the barrack room lawyers get started, they have some great theories.

    One once told me that you could smash the RSM in the nose and get away with it as long as you did it between 2359 and 0001hrs, as under the Berne convention or some other convention, he wasn't sure which, that time does not legally exist in the Army.

    I was all set to put this to the test but unfortunately, demob intervened.

    Why don't one of you try it and come on here and tell us what happened. :wink:
  14. msr

    msr LE

    I'm thinking of declaring myself muslim, as I will never be able reach any of the other posts which allow whiskers.

  15. You make that sound like a bad thing.