The Battlefield Catwalk

#21
De rigeur for the borderline clinically insane was the 'survival kit' in an old Golden Virginia tin.

The shite some of these idiots managed to cram into it was rather amazing: fishing lines and hooks, puri-tabs, wire snares, a Tampax (to plug the through-and-through GSW, obvs), book of matches and the first sighting of the silver survival 'blankets'.

Oh, and a razor blade. For gutting and cleaning the fish.
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
#23
De rigeur for the borderline clinically insane was the 'survival kit' in an old Golden Virginia tin.

The shite some of these idiots managed to cram into it was rather amazing: fishing lines and hooks, puri-tabs, wire snares, a Tampax (to plug the through-and-through GSW, obvs), book of matches and the first sighting of the silver survival 'blankets'.

Oh, and a razor blade. For gutting and cleaning the fish.
Seven years on the FLOT in the recce screen, I never saw such tosh. Transfer, RAPC attached to a REME workshop, their RD storemen started teaching this sh¡t. I kept my mouth shut and ignored them.
 
#25
A mess tin lid, that fitted over the larger mess tin, and had a slide out handle.
Perfect for frying one egg in compo margerine, and the egg then fitted perfectly onto a slice of RAOC bread.
I got untold service from the Argentinian mess kit I picked up, American pattern, not deep, but in combo with the smaller of the standard issue British kit worked well.
 
#26
Uniform.

A collective noun referring to items of clothing worn in a variety of ways and in a variety of combinations.

NOT

an adjective meaning remaining the same in all cases and at all times; unchanging in form or character.

I was always the former not the latter. On the Navy staff course the three Army chaps would ensure (at all times) that none of us wore the same rig.

I think my most dashing ensemble was DMS, OG keks, OG shirt, Coastal Command roll-neck wooly jumper and matching RN duffle coat (wooden buttons).
 
#27
The US canteen cup in the days of the handy plastic water bottle mug, just before Survival Aids (remember them) would happily relieve you of about 20 quid - in 1980s money mind, at their shop at Euston Station (??) for a Gucci non-stick metal mug.

Ok you couldn't fit a water bottle in it so either had to sport a Yank canteen or carry it separate along with the mess tins. And you had to balance it very carefully on the hexi stove. And you either burnt your lips when you tried to drink from it or risked food poisoning from the manky bit of tape on the rim. And the handles would fold in on themselves when you weren't looking or were trying to stick something in it and then you had to test the heat proof properties of the NI gloves and then burn your fingers. And its quite tall with no lid so a lot of the heat went up the sides and into the either so it may possibly have taken longer to boil than the mess tin.

True haute couture when you were stood there with a steaming brew in hand, that you couldn't drink as the mug was glowing cherry red and anyway it was now your turn on stag.
 
#28
De rigeur for the borderline clinically insane was the 'survival kit' in an old Golden Virginia tin.

The shite some of these idiots managed to cram into it was rather amazing: fishing lines and hooks, puri-tabs, wire snares, a Tampax (to plug the through-and-through GSW, obvs), book of matches and the first sighting of the silver survival 'blankets'.

Oh, and a razor blade. For gutting and cleaning the fish.
We had a nig turn up in Germany just before Lionheart. He had one of those shite 'Rambo' survival knives (made out of cheese metal) with a compass on the pommel.

Whilst sat in the back of the 432, waiting for the off, one of his section pointed to said knife: keen to show off, the nig unscrewed the compass only for four fish hooks, c/w fishing line, to fly out and each hook themselves in a different member of the section.

The Troop staffy moved him to another section...(once they had all been untangled)

 
#29
There was that wierd period when tricorn hats were de rigueur but fortunately sanity prevailed
Yes the Belgic shako was the dogs b*ll**ks, particularly since you didn't have to powder your hair any more, although the Tarleton we had to wear made you look like a punk.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#30
Yes the Belgic shako was the dogs b*ll**ks, particularly since you didn't have to powder your hair any more, although the Tarleton we had to wear made you look like a punk.
That wasn't too bad, it was the woad that got me annoyed. Always having to top it up, and as for the clothing, it was a right bugger trying to skin those woolly mammoths. Finally had to kill the damn thing as it wouldn't hold still.
 
#31
Had a job once to take a trio of officers from the Yeomanry on a recce. When they arrived at the aircraft they were all wearing Dennison Smocks which I thought a bit odd as this was 1995 and I had exchanged my Dennison for a DPM smock before I left 3PARA around 1978!

Anywho, during the flight a asked them what the score was with the smocks, the reply was “All our squadron officers wear these” I commented they were a little old hat to which one of them said “Oh, these aren’t ordinary smocks” and he unzipped his smock to display a shiny, quilted silk lining!

Just goes to show, money can buy class...
Did he show the poachers pocket he kept the folding butt .410 in or were you not privy to that information.
 
#32
That wasn't too bad, it was the woad that got me annoyed. Always having to top it up, and as for the clothing, it was a right bugger trying to skin those woolly mammoths. Finally had to kill the damn thing as it wouldn't hold still.
So no one told you it was woad or clothing?
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#33
So no one told you it was woad or clothing?
The clothing was for the 'ossifers, sir. We poor rockchuckers just had woad. Second hand woad at that.
 
#34
Overheard on a div ex many years ago....

"Sir can we wear our para smocks on now?"

On receiving "yes" out comes the shitty combat jackets with green army socks on end of the sleeves. Farking critters.
The sad thing is that in my youth I actually thought this was a great idea. Luckily I was so bone idle I never bothered.
 
#35
. . . those shite 'Rambo' survival knives (made out of cheese metal) with a compass on the pommel. . .
Christ, I'd (happily) forgotten about those!

Apparently, it came with instructions on how to sit on a log, staring into the non-tac fire with your bundook cradled in your arm whilst moodily whet-stoning the blade, pausing every 5 minutes as you listened to confirm that you'd heard a deer fart 500m away.

The Badge sent down word that, so huffed was he with this crap, pre-LOADEX checks were to include vigorous scattering of such items around the flora and fauna.
 
#36
De rigeur for the borderline clinically insane was the 'survival kit' in an old Golden Virginia tin.

The shite some of these idiots managed to cram into it was rather amazing: fishing lines and hooks, puri-tabs, wire snares, a Tampax (to plug the through-and-through GSW, obvs), book of matches and the first sighting of the silver survival 'blankets'.

Oh, and a razor blade. For gutting and cleaning the fish.
After rigorous R&D, field testing and endless coffee's it was decided that a stanley knife blade taped to the inside of the lid was the best option. Just as sharp and thicker more robust metal.
 
#38
De rigeur for the borderline clinically insane was the 'survival kit' in an old Golden Virginia tin.

The shite some of these idiots managed to cram into it was rather amazing: fishing lines and hooks, puri-tabs, wire snares, a Tampax (to plug the through-and-through GSW, obvs), book of matches and the first sighting of the silver survival 'blankets'.

Oh, and a razor blade. For gutting and cleaning the fish.
After rigorous R&D, field testing and endless coffee's it was decided that a stanley knife blade taped to the inside of the lid was the best option. Just as sharp and thicker more robust metal.

what was the condom for? i seem to remember being shown one of these on an escape and evasion exercise and when eyebrows were raised (naturally), got something along the lines of

"dont be ridiculous! its not for shagging you dirty wee bastard! its for creating a flotation device for a rabbit/ waterproofing your nose/ building an improvised slingshot...." or some such other bollocks.
 
#39
what was the condom for? i seem to remember being shown one of these on an escape and evasion exercise and when eyebrows were raised (naturally), got something along the lines of

"dont be ridiculous! its not for shagging you dirty wee bastard! its for creating a flotation device for a rabbit/ waterproofing your nose/ building an improvised slingshot...." or some such other bollocks.
[WAH SHIELD] to carry your water: saves you slurping it out of a muddy tank track[/WAH SHIELD]
 

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