The battle for Cohiba etc.

Bullet Sponge said:
I enjoy recounting the story of the battle for Cohiba, in which the Mess, after a particularly pleasant meal, noticed that there was only one cigar left.

The ensuing battle saw the mess split into two defensive lines at either end of the dining hall while various juniors were formed into skirmishing parties. There was a memorable, if somewhat gruesome affair when Capt Kribins almost lost possession of the port during the great cheese board offensive but this particular battle was won due to a daring counter attack by Maj Caruthers armed with a silver ladle and using a serving trolley as a mount, his actions were later noted as one of the most impressive cavalry charges seen that week.

The conflict soon became a stale mate and both sides faced each other over a no mans land scattered with the fallen, unconscious and the remains of a particularly good apricot soufflé. As time dragged on many began to fall victim to the terrible conditions. A diary entry from Maj Filbin-Snatcher takes up the story:

It is a dark day indeed, Peter has been taken down by a well aimed bread roll, he is trying to put on a brave face but we don't hold much hope for him. My spirits were lifted momentarily when Lt Col Forbes-Woofter received a communication from outside, rumours quickly spread that there may be reinforcements on their way, sadly the communication was from his wife demanding that he return home immediately and see to the children. Alas that was the end of his war and he left the field of battle with a saddened heart.

Towards the end of the battle things became desperate, both sides had become restless and one or two were complaining that their need to use the little boys room was indeed very pressing. Eventually plans were drawn up for a charge from the North end of the hall and after a rousing speech by Brig Chalmers-Briggs-Shiphunter-Wilkins the cry was given to go over the top. Many were cut down in the advance by well aimed china from the opposing lines but a great deal made it through and found their mark. The battle at this time became a fierce hand to hand and in some cases hand to desert spoon struggle with each side fighting valiantly for their cause.

Sadly there could be only one outcome and as the sun rose on the field of battle only a lone figure could be seen still standing. All around him lay the fallen bodies of many a hero, some unconscious, some injured and many simply sleeping it off. In his right hand he held aloft a slightly damaged dinning chair, in his left the smouldering remains of a fine cigar.....
Right get the creative juices flowing (stop giggling, childish boy).

Time to see what other memorable small wars there are out there that haven't had the recognition they deserve.

There's no prize, I'm a tight fisted git....
I just searched for the battle of cohiba on Youtube, and found absolutely nothing (apart from this:

I'm bloody livid. There were NO Pokemons at the battle of Cohiba!!!!!

It's an absolute outrage, someone should write to the BBC.


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