Now that my eldest lad has turned 7 and a half, i've noticed that his eating habits are changing. Over the last couple of weeks, probably as a result of a conversation at school, he's been asking for a fried egg for breakfast. Whilst the others are wolfing down their porridge or Weetabix, there he is, with a single fried egg on a plate. Just a tiny bit of salt and he's happy. Being a chip off the old block, he's extremely pleased with the side effects of this diet. This morning, it was my turn to do the early shift, so I made my way down with the two eldest lads at 6.15, while the others were still kipping. I squared away the 5 year old with a bit of toast, then said to the eldest. "What do you fancy?" "Can I have a fried egg?" "Yeah" Bang - clatter - smash - wallop - wheres the fcuking olive oil - wheres the fcuking eggs - wheres the fcuking pan - etc etc etc. He sat at the table, waiting patiently whilst the egg crackled away, before saying to me. "Dad?" "Yeah" "Can I have it with some bread?" "Eh?" "Can I have it with some bread?" "What. You want some toast as well?" "No. Can I have my egg like a sandwich." I dropped the spatula and turned round slowly with tears in my eyes. "You know what you've just asked for, don't you son?" "No" "AN EGG FCUKING BANJO" "What's an egg banjo" Buttering the bread in a couple of seconds, I whacked the egg on the bottom slice, before closing the deal and presenting it to him with a flourish. "That, son," I said, holding it under his nose and jabbing at it with my index finger, "Is an egg banjo, food of the gods." I laid it before him, stood back and gave him a sh-it salute. He took a bite and said "Lovely" as I gazed on proudly. My lad likes egg banjos. I don't care if he goes to university. I don't care if he gets married or has kids. I don't care if he learns to swim or cross the road. In my eyes he's already an achiever. For wasn't it Voltaire or perhaps Kierkegaard who once said, "Never trust any fcuker, who wouldn't scoff a banjo" He looked great, sat there with his oversized butty and a big smile on his face. Unfortunately it gave me a bit of a flash back. I pointed to his brother and said. "Hurry up and get it fcuking eaten. Then you and him are on prowler. SCHNELL! SCNELL!"