The Bane of a Subalterns Life

#1
On a light-hearted note, probably because I am on holiday and it is raining.
Subalterns on a daily basis have to deal with, COs, Adjts, OCs, 2Ics, RSMs, Sgt Majs, Sgts, QMs, Cpls, and sundry people who all conspire to make the subaltern wish to crawl back under that worthless stone from whence he came and never ever come out again.
What is/was your particular bane?

Not quite RSMs, though as a newly commissioned from the ranks 2Lt I did nervously address the RSM as sir. No bollocking or comment was forthcoming he simply gave me a wolf-like smile, very unnerving, and the telepathic message was, “Yes young Dwarf you have correctly worked out our relationship”

Mine was tall Adjutants.
Conversations often went on the lines of;
“Dwarf come over here please”
PUNCH
“Ooof! Yes sir what have I done now?”

Still undecided about Apfelkorn.
Bad head the morning after a heavy night on the stuff, five hours kip, and kicked out of doss-bag to take platoon on a BFT. Numbah 10.
Given a slug at 0600 when inspecting platoon positions in low-mist and cold.
“How sor, get this doon yer neck”. Numbah 1.


What about you?
 
#2
i do feel a tad sorry for the young subby, even the lcpls have a sly dig every now and then... take pleasure in knowing that one day you'll be able to do it to another hapless victim fresh from the factory
 
#3
Good to hear the life of a Subbie is still very much the same.

Bane of my life as a Subbie - German bouncers.
 

The_Duke

LE
Moderator
#4
The call from the Adjt...

"Duke, pop up to my office will you. I need you to be attending officer at a court case for Pte Bloggs tomorrow......in Carlisle"

For Carlisle insert any other town of your choice, as long as it is at least 4 hours drive from wherever you are based, preferably further.
 
#5
Hmmm, I remember a golden period of about 6 months when there were enough subbies in the Bty and I almost knew what I was doing!

What fun days they were...

Naturally I was posted early due to being content!
 
#7
All Officers and SNCOs in the OCs office - all in SD and No 2s, about to leave the unit for a memorial service

bewildered young subby stumbles in the room with hat in one hand, sam browne and tie in the other.

quick witted Sgt spouts ' and who helped you get dressed this morning Sir?'

couldn't do anything for laughing, bless 'im.
 
#8
The utter bewilderment of being allowed out in the wide regimental world . . .
 
#9
Having only 3 subbies in Bn for a while. Hence when one went away on gunnery it was day on day off Orderly hoop for a month. Every day my platoon would inquire as to what i'd done to deserve so many extras? Broke me.
 
#12
Cant believe a miserable LE wasn't included in your list!
Dwarf said:
On a light-hearted note, probably because I am on holiday and it is raining.
Subalterns on a daily basis have to deal with, COs, Adjts, OCs, 2Ics, RSMs, Sgt Majs, Sgts, QMs, Cpls, and sundry people who all conspire to make the subaltern wish to crawl back under that worthless stone from whence he came and never ever come out again.
What is/was your particular bane?

Not quite RSMs, though as a newly commissioned from the ranks 2Lt I did nervously address the RSM as sir. No bollocking or comment was forthcoming he simply gave me a wolf-like smile, very unnerving, and the telepathic message was, “Yes young Dwarf you have correctly worked out our relationship”

Mine was tall Adjutants.
Conversations often went on the lines of;
“Dwarf come over here please”
PUNCH
“Ooof! Yes sir what have I done now?”

Still undecided about Apfelkorn.
Bad head the morning after a heavy night on the stuff, five hours kip, and kicked out of doss-bag to take platoon on a BFT. Numbah 10.
Given a slug at 0600 when inspecting platoon positions in low-mist and cold.
“How sor, get this doon yer neck”. Numbah 1.


What about you?
 
#13
Having gone from SNCO to Subbie I had rather hoped that my own experience of making the lives of junior officers shall we say "difficult" would stand me in good stead.

Sadly not. Frequently I find myself on the receiving end of OR type "digs" plus knowing how and why they are doing it only adds a further kick in the seat of the pants.

Recently I too called the RSM "Sir" for the second time in a few months. He replied "That zip in the back of your head should have cured that Maam. Please get a grip" :D

My most recent gaffe was last Tuesday evening whilst standing admiring the BBQ pit as part of our prep for an impending Troop Barbie: "So, Sgt XX what are going to be putting on the BBQ then?" which resulted in a scathing look and the comment "I was thinking charcoal Maam...." I deserve it I tell you, I deserve it.
 
#14
The_Duke said:
The call from the Adjt...

"Duke, pop up to my office will you. I need you to be attending officer at a court case for Pte Bloggs tomorrow......in Carlisle"

For Carlisle insert any other town of your choice, as long as it is at least 4 hours drive from wherever you are based, preferably further.
Seen and I raise you:
"Ring Ring"
"Joker speaking sir"
"Ah Joker, this is the adjuant what are you plans for tomorrow - don't bother telling me, listen in. You and two handy SNCO are going to go and pick up a prisoner from Bulford and transport him to a DCM in Catterick, you fly tonight, pick him up and drive for DCM scheduled tomorrow afternoon, after which you return him to Colly or Bulford depending on the result, grab your service dress and get on numbnuts"
"When am I to be back Sir"
"First parade the following morning"

Cue Joker and two handy SNCO flying to UK, driving across the country and up to North, 2 hours sleep and then into the DCM. Then drive back south and then fly back to airport. Drivers hours straight out of the window.

How we laughed all the way :cry:
 
#15
Officers Morning Coffee.

Woe betide you if:

1. You were late,
2. Coffee not ready when CO walks in,
3. Insufficient selection of suitably posh biscuits,
4. Insufficient pink wafer-type biscuits for the CO,
5. Not enough cups,
6. Not enough coffee - other subbies on a coffee fest tended to hinder this one.

Oh, the unbridled joy of a new young-un being posted in! :highfive:
 
#16
Answered the phone as subbie having just been posted in the previous day.

"Lt Scabbers, ** Fd Amb, good morning!" I said brightly.

Cue snotty comment from the other end,

"This is SO3 G1 over at ** Bde, put somebody sensible on".

The phone went dead because I put it down on him.

15 minutes later he was pulled over his SO3 G1 desk and given a very severe, in-your-face, pep talk from Lt Scabbers along with a dig in the adams apple as his frame was pushed away from me and, in doing so, his chair tipped over and he sprawled over the floor, trays and papers (plus offending phone) cascading over him like an earth quake at Staples.

SO2 G (what-ever) was rather impressed, as was DCOS who was in the vicinity at the time. Civvy Clks were, apparently, talking about it for ages. Certainly my CO seemed to talk about it for ages in his office a few hours later.

That was the only time in my career that I was glad that the unit was in walking distance of the Bde HQ. SO3 G1 was quite contrite and I heard later that the DCOS informed him that Lt Scabbers was, until the previous month, an RSM and that I should be avoided in future. He took the advice and was very very wary of me at Mess.

And before you ask, he wasn't a gunner.
 
#17
The Adjt. "LB, have you ever been representing officer at a court martial?"

LB "Er - No, but I have strange feeling."

The Adjt. "Good, well you are going to be representing officer for a Pte soldier, some sort of Jock I think who was awol or something. His court martial hasn't been scheduled yet and I don't know when it will be or what the charges are. In fact reading this he isn't even in the garrison nick but he will be at some point."

LB " Er OK, why isn't he being represented by someone from his Bn?"

The Adjt "I don't know that either"

LB "Fine OK, so he hisn't here, doesn't have a date, we have no charges - but at some point in the future he'll get charged, go through the process and I'll look after him as I'm duty rubber dicking Officer today."

The Adjt. "Yes - good"

LB "So where is he now and what do I do? I am scooby do-less about courts martial - presume I get a briefing / bit of training so I do it right? Should I go and see him?"

The Adjt "Oh yes! I imagine so about the training thing, sit tight and I'll let you know. Don't go and see him, don't know what's happening about that"

Time passes

LB "Do we have any more int on that Jock you want me to represent?"

The Adjt. "What!? Oh yes that er-no, nothing happening wait out"

LB "Are you sure there's nothing I should be doing?"

The Adjt. "No, don't worry these things take ages"

Time passes ( a lot of time passes)

The Adjt (in a state of high excitement) "LB, Right, that jock's up before the court martial in two weeks and I fully expect that you are fully briefed on everything and well prepared to represent him and everything. Aren't you?!!??"

LB "Er no, I've been sitting tight and waiting to be told what's happening and what I should be doing, what is more I go to Canada on Friday"

The Adjt "WHAT!! You have really fecked this one up LB, negligent in the extreme, this is a soldiers court martial and you've done nothing!"

LB "You told me to do nothing"

The Adjt "Er - well yes, but, feck"

The Adjt had a chat sans refreshments with the Boss, I went to Canada, The jock's case got pushed back and someone else got the dicking.

Damn Close run thing.
 
#18
The_Duke said:
The call from the Adjt...

"Duke, pop up to my office will you. I need you to be attending officer at a court case for Pte Bloggs tomorrow......in Carlisle"

For Carlisle insert any other town of your choice, as long as it is at least 4 hours drive from wherever you are based, preferably further.
...at least four hours drive from wherever you are and completely devoid of the Adjs family members, friends or other sources of venery! Oh and a sh1thole...
 
#19
Cuddles said:
The_Duke said:
The call from the Adjt...

"Duke, pop up to my office will you. I need you to be attending officer at a court case for Pte Bloggs tomorrow......in Carlisle"

For Carlisle insert any other town of your choice, as long as it is at least 4 hours drive from wherever you are based, preferably further.
...at least four hours drive from wherever you are and completely devoid of the Adjs family members, friends or other sources of venery! Oh and a sh1thole...
And the only transport available is a half ton airportable Land Rover. Plays hell with the SD. And it wasn't Carlisle it was Manchester - and the nearest fuel point was Deysbrooke Barracks in Liverpool!

Oh God you've gor me going now!
 
#20
rickshaw-major said:
Cuddles said:
The_Duke said:
The call from the Adjt...

"Duke, pop up to my office will you. I need you to be attending officer at a court case for Pte Bloggs tomorrow......in Carlisle"

For Carlisle insert any other town of your choice, as long as it is at least 4 hours drive from wherever you are based, preferably further.
...at least four hours drive from wherever you are and completely devoid of the Adjs family members, friends or other sources of venery! Oh and a sh1thole...
And the only transport available is a half ton airportable Land Rover. Plays hell with the SD. And it wasn't Carlisle it was Manchester - and the nearest fuel point was Deysbrooke Barracks in Liverpool!

Oh God you've gor me going now!
I feel your pain. My half tonny had a hole in the canvas and sent icey cold wintry icey brr chilliness into the vehicle. It was a juicy court martial though...horrible attemopted murder! Read all about it!
 

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