The Assange Dead Pool

How's he going to wind up?


  • Total voters
    113

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#1
Yeah I know, under normal circumstances, we'd have a 'pool' of people and we make bets on who's going to shuffle off their mortal coil within a given time period.

This one's a little bit simpler. According to the pundits, Mr Assange is going to come to an unfortunate end one way or another, and we've got a reasonable idea that it might be quite soon.

This thread is about how we reckon he's going to 'get it'.

There's a few obvious ones to vote on as a starting point, but if you've got a better or more creative end that you think he will meet, do post.

We have for reference material the following to aid our imagination:

Doctor Harold Shipman. Upset a lot of people. Lifted himself 5ft off the deck without a chair and hung himself.
Doctor David Kelly. Upset a few people. Did the worst hacking job in history, bled to death from a pin-prick to is ickle finger or something.
Roberto Calvi. God's (and allegedly the Mafia's) banker. Upset some people. Flew himself from Rome to Blackfriar's Bridge in London just to hang himself. To be fair, it's a beautiful spot.
John F. Kennedy. Upset a few people. Shot himself in the head remotely from three different places using mind control.
Alexandre Litvinenko. Upset a few people. Leaked out through his anus.

aaaaaand the list goes on.
 
#2
On 13 October 1977 four members of the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine hijacked Lufthansa Flight 181 on a flight from Palma de Mallorca to Frankfurt, their leader demanding the release of the eleven RAF prisoners detained at Stammheim. The aircraft was eventually flown to Mogadishu, Somalia, where it arrived in the early hours of 17 October. The passengers of the Boeing 737 were freed in an assault carried out by German GSG 9 special forces in the early hours of 18 October 1977 which saw the death of three of the militants.


According to official accounts of his death, Raspe learned of GSG 9's success on a smuggled transistor radio, and spent the next few hours talking to Baader, Ensslin, and Möller, who agreed to a suicide pact. In the morning, Andreas Baader and Jan-Carl Raspe were found dead in their cells, having died from gunshot wounds, while Gudrun Ensslin was found hanging from a noose made from speaker wire. RAF member Irmgard Möller was found with four stab wounds to her chest, but survived.

All official inquiries on the matter concluded that Baader and his two accomplices committed collective suicide, and Baader-Meinhof biographer Stefan Aust argued in the original edition of his book, The Baader-Meinhof Group (1985) that they almost assuredly did kill themselves.

German mind games perhaps, in prison they were generating regular terrorist attempts to free them and costing lives in the process. In a purpose built prison, the highest security the German state could imagine, they had firearms, wire and a knife.

Psychiatry and psychopharmacy are German inventions after all, do you think they, the German state, neglected to consider their use as weapons?
 
#3
Hit and run, probably by a white Fiat Uno.

It worked before....
 
B

bokkatankie

Guest
#4
On 13 October 1977 four members of the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine hijacked Lufthansa Flight 181 on a flight from Palma de Mallorca to Frankfurt, their leader demanding the release of the eleven RAF prisoners detained at Stammheim.
what possible use would the crabs be to the PFLP?
 

Command_doh

LE
Book Reviewer
#5
I doubt he will end up in a U.S. prison and receive the inevitable 150+ year sentence as a 'terrorist', so....

Digitalis poisoning, suspect references to 'underlying medical conditions'. I'll give it 15 months.
 

Guns

ADC
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#6
One way ticket with Glenn Miller airways.
 
#7
I reckon he will be lured out of rebellion by the smell of public respectability and a high profile job as a journo with a credible rag. Once he has become 'establishment' the job, and his credibility, will magically evaporate, but by now he will have alienated himself from his old mates as a 'sell-out. The end of the whistle-blower and the start of the discredited laughing stock.
 

WatchingWater

Old-Salt
Book Reviewer
#8
Definitely a dodgy suicide, either in a swedish or U.S prison (They forgot to take his belt/shoelaces/gun off him) or a few hours after he gets out (Crashed his car/walked into traffic/fell out of plane)...
 
#9
Lets be honest, he's not going to be missed. He's brought more problems than solutions. But I doubt the Swedes will do the nasty.
 

WatchingWater

Old-Salt
Book Reviewer
#10
All he did was confirm what the whole world minus the USA(most of it) thought about North America anyway, not really groundbreaking news.
 
#12
Sorry mate, do explain?
Anyone with a modest understanding of world affairs has learnt very little new from these 'leaks'.

FFS 3 million people had access to them in the US.

msr
 
B

bokkatankie

Guest
#13
Anyone with a modest understanding of world affairs has learnt very little new from these 'leaks'.

FFS 3 million people had access to them in the US.

msr
Where has your avatar picture gone?, so looked forward to seeing it, new one no good.
 

WatchingWater

Old-Salt
Book Reviewer
#14
Well, the USA has always been considered an arrogant country when it comes to foreign policy and diplomacy. I don't know anybody that was surprised at what they heard when the cables were leaked.
 
#15
Posh wank.

He'll be found in his wardrobe hanging from his belt with an orange in his mouth.
 
B

bokkatankie

Guest
#16
Well, the USA has always been considered an arrogant country when it comes to foreign policy and diplomacy. I don't know anybody that was surprised at what they heard when the cables were leaked.
I was quite suprised to hear that Prince Andrew was not well thought off by the US diplomatic corps, in fact pretty shocked, made me spill my cornflakes.
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#18
Perhaps he'll do an inverse Houdini in a small plastic Asda carrier bag. Folding himself up origami-style, with a rampant rabbit up his poo chute and a pineapple rammed into his japs eye, having also gagged himself to death with a rolled up copy of Gordon Brown's latest book on heroism.
 
#19
You forgot to add: Wastes away in a an addled pool of syphilis due to the unprotected frolicking with the swiss minge.
 
#20
So no choice for Polonium dildo with a Thai ladyboy on one end accidentally falling into a tank of Piranha while Midnight Oil plays as soundtrack?
 

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