The ARRSE Olympics - Events would you enter ARRSErs for?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by ABrighter2006, Aug 9, 2008.

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  1. 24 hours into Beijing. What events would have members of ARRSE up there on the rostrum, with the national anthem being played?

    Freestyle Monging - representing Great Britain, the Chubb.

    Synchronised Walting - Mike "gonna kick da fuck outta Sandy" Golden.

    Sweating like a rapist when talking about military matters - Des Browne.

    Who else?
  2. Sychronised screaming shouting and pointing ?
  3. Command_doh

    Command_doh LE Book Reviewer

    Relay Whingeing 4x400 minutes of (good long whinge) I would need 3 world class teammates, but getting some suitably qualified Arrsers involved shouldn't take too long.
  4. Keep it topical - Beasting?
  5. 4 x 40 min relay on the bus, off the bus
    marathon hurry up and wait
  6. Bratwurst speed eating

    10 Mark alley sprint
  7. the_boy_syrup

    the_boy_syrup LE Book Reviewer

    Chair throwing
    Pulling the outrage bandwagon with just their teeth
  8. Command_doh

    Command_doh LE Book Reviewer

    Post Naafi pished - up windmilling/mincing fighting. First to drop his/her chips loses. If said punch up results in a tie, then medals are decided by projectile vomiting distances. Judging compiled by random gobshite ginger slag and her 2 fat mates.
  9. A 100 word non-text speak sprint.
  10. The "where the fook are we" cross country run

    Competitors are taken into the countryside, at night, and have to find their way back to the stadium.

    The "spade and hammer"

    Anyone ever play that? dig in a spade, put a tin of compo on the handle, and then from a set distance have to knock it off with a hammer.

    The "sarcastic/abuse race"

    Everyone on here would be good at that surely?
  11. Command_doh

    Command_doh LE Book Reviewer

    Syncronised Heffer shagging. After enticing said slag back to barracks, Team (10 mates) proceed to rag cow stupid, taking turns to do the nasty. Judging completed by bunkmate deemed uncliquey enough to participate. Points awarded for time lasted, grunt factor, spit roasting, toys used/inventiveness & creativity, sploog across the back distance and watersports.
  12. Distance pissing
    Jerk off competition
    Syncronised ironing
    dizzy pole 100m (only becuase that would be funny as fcuk!)
  13. Javelin throwing but with a Teddy - nearest the corner wins.

    Transport to and from this prestigious event is provided by the Outrage Bandwagon.
  14. Me and someone else in the three legged race 8)

    RE's used to call it "Nurdling". Points were scored depending on how the tin was dislodged:

    Hammer head to tin = 4 points
    Hammer shaft to tin = 3 points
    Hammer head to shovel = 2 points
    Hammer shaft to shovel = 1 points
    Nothing for a miss!
  15. Might as well keep to what everyone seems to be best at:

    Jumping to Conclusions, Fying off the Handle and Dodging the Issues along with Synchronised Outrage. Should see gold in all of those.