The Arrse Naafi Olympiad Type Thing - Virtual Buffoonery

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by netleyned, Apr 4, 2012.

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  1. Frankly I've had enough of this homage to physical fitness and dogged sportsmanship that is currently being shamelessly dragged through the nations very being 'cause of some mamby pamby houtie toitty amateur athletic gig that has grown too big for its boots.

    As self appointed Sports Prevention Officer I have considered this situation to be a national disgrace and seek to redress the balance. to that end, because I;m also inherantly lazy I thought what about an Arrse Naafi Olympiad Type Thing, sort of like the Chap Olympiad, but without the gentile pastimes they indulge in.

    Now being of limited imagination due to be being droppped on the head at birth, force fed aubergines until joining up and then battering my brain cells with alcohol incesantly for 9 years I have come up with the following events;

    - Chain Smoking Dash, quickest to smoke 20 superkings of dubious quality whilst sober

    - Office Chair Joust; teams of two, one pushing, one sitting holding broom handle and metal dustbin lid as shield, charging towards each other down a length of highly polished lino - sobriety optional.

    - Spoons (mandatory)

    - Musical Slaps; to be organised into weight classes as thus - Asparagus Tarzan, Terminator (must not be able to exceed 5 push ups), Naafi Regular, Rugby Club warrior, and RAF Driver/Chef/Techie (Super Heavy Weight)

    - Speed Drinking; Pint of Tizer through a gasperator drinking straw

    But I need more. Can you help this fine country get its naggers back?
  2. Electric Wanking. Knockout competition with last one to jizz getting tasered in each round (with commensurate increase in voltage and duration) until only one bloke is left, desperately trying to coax a drop of spunk from his raw and withered member within the time limit to avoid getting lit up like a Christmas tree.
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Speed drinking sub cats:
    1.) The five vodka shot sprit is a classic.
    2.) The hurdles is much the same thing but with a a pint between each shot.
    3.) The high jump is three shots followed by a yard of ale and a Jagerbomb to finish.
  4. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    I know lots of these games, let's think, there is soggy biscuit, gay porn roulette, freckles, wank stare off (last to cum loses but you must maintain eye contact with your opponent at all times) and let's not forget everyone's favourite, how many boiled sweets can you fit under your foreskin.
  5. The RLC Lesbian Display team 1000 metres double ender relay.
  6. Slip those 1KG gym weights with the big holes over your willy one at a time. He who supports the most with his erection wins.
  7. To think, I won Greco Roman Wrestling tickets - I think I'd rather see this.
    • Like Like x 1
  8. The hundred yard/metre dash with 42" Plasma tv under your arm, oh wait that might restrict the event to certain parts of the country only.
  9. I'll gladly swap my 100 metre final tickets for this !
  10. Scouse Sardines.

    You take 1000 scousers, get them tanked up on cheap larger and then see how many you can fit down a concrete pedestrian tunnel at once into a fenced off 20x20 metre disabled stand at any small to medium sized football stadium.
    • Like Like x 2
  11. Well if their sailing in Pompy, then we should have a short track made up in Madchester. Its all about inclusion etc.
  12. Buzz off.
  13. Oh don't worry.

    There will be a bonus round for you at the end with points awarded for how many sovereign rings and wallets you can loot from the dead.
  14. Seeing that this is in the NAAFI, I would suggest that RLC/EFI enters for the Tea drinking event.
  15. Can you make that 1001 scousers?

    The last one being Westpoints pregnant mother.