The ARRSE Christmas Pantomime casting call

cent05zr70

On ROPS
On ROPs
#21
My equity card has expired, but I could do ice creams and stuff. If I get the gig, let me know ASAP, as I'll need to darn my fishnets.
Mwhaa Mwhaa.
 
#23
Bagsy the back half of the pony. SWMBO reckons I'm no end of an ass, so I'd like to prove her wrong, sort of.

I'm not having a vegetarian as the front half though, I can do without that level of aromatic farts thank you very much.

Edit: Obviously the front half must be female, so I've got something to molest, errm, hang onto.
No chance, I have been reliably informed that I am the all time biggest horse's ass by many, so that role is mine by right.
 
#24
Every story needs a hero :)

Have you considered a part for grumpy? A moany old git with slight sexual frustration would be perfect.
So that'll be one ARRSER as GRumpy and 5000 ARRSERs as stand-ins then?
 

Sixty

ADC
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#25
A moany old git with slight sexual frustration would be perfect.
It'd cost a fortune to fly Bokkatankie from South Africa though. Not sure that the budget would stretch that far.
 
#26
No chance, I have been reliably informed that I am the all time biggest horse's ass by many, so that role is mine by right.
Oi, I bagsied it first. You can be the stand-in. For when the front half complains to the Old Bill and I do a runner, leaving you as the only remaining suspect, OK?
 
#27
I would have to consult with my judging panel as to who auditions for the Kit Off bit.

So far, there is myself, Fatlass, Boots, Scoobs, CG and Moody.

If we laugh at any stage at the size of your undypundy contents - you're gone.

I shall then unleash Moody onto you.

Would you like that? Would you?
 
#28
I would have to consult with my judging panel as to who auditions for the Kit Off bit.

So far, there is myself, Fatlass, Boots, Scoobs, CG and Moody.

If we laugh at any stage at the size of your undypundy contents - you're gone.

I shall then unleash Moody onto you.

Would you like that? Would you?
I'm used to being laughed at and ridiculed so will be willing to have a go.
 
#29
I'd like to volunteer my services for any roles that require an utter cunt, I am an utter cunt of some distinction and both the ugly sisters agree wholeheartedly with me.
Agreed.... I will have a word on your behalf with His Grace and His Graceless sister.
 
#30
Oi, I bagsied it first. You can be the stand-in. For when the front half complains to the Old Bill and I do a runner, leaving you as the only remaining suspect, OK?
The Old Bill will be there. On a motorbike. With his houmous and pitta bread. As well as 87 RE fellas, 37 bods from Harrogate (Hiya Chippy xxx), my next door neighbours ( they'd batter you lot) and me with a pen.

You'll be running nowhere sunshine.
 
#31
It won't work, will it.

Curtain up.

Porrige gun in fright mask: "Hello boys and girls!".

Curtain down.
 
#32
Can I work in the wardrobe - only in the female dressing rooms. So when they all on stage I can wank in the bra's and knckers..... Or possibly lace rohypnol in the lookers customers and smash thier hoops during the mid show break?????
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#33
P.S. I think TID's sister is ace and is the very embodiment of a modern Julie Andrews, especially when she dresses up as a Fraulein complete with cardy and guitar and runs barefoot through the hills.
Well done. We now have our thigh slapping girl dressed up as a bloke and slapping her thighs to Billyo. His thighs. THE thighs. Good.

The stripper birds which my dear sister failed to mention at the production meeting are; My Lovely Sister. BigBird. Sixty the Scary Volunteer and Dashing Chap, who is going to have to make an effort with the padding. At his own expense.

We are still short of fairies. Which surprises me. It is not like we are short of fairies around here, is it?
 
#34
The Old Bill will be there. On a motorbike. With his houmous and pitta bread. As well as 87 RE fellas, 37 bods from Harrogate (Hiya Chippy xxx), my next door neighbours ( they'd batter you lot) and me with a pen.

You'll be running nowhere sunshine.
Now let me get this right, you're volunteering to be the front half?
 
#35
Now let me get this right, you're volunteering to be the front half?
What part of "I'm in charge of casting" didn't you understand?

Bro - sort it out.
 
#37
Reet. Can we have some quiet for the bingoa?

Quiet please! Best orda!

Look if we divvunt get some quit for the bingoa, I'll put The Iron Duke back on.
 

cent05zr70

On ROPS
On ROPs
#38
Short of fairies? I believe some football fairies are now unemployed.
 
#39
Short of fairies? I believe some football fairies are now unemployed.
There'll be a few tennis fairies free in a few weeks time as well...
 

mercurydancer

LE
Book Reviewer
#40
I can play "Poppadum" the comedy leper. My eczema is playing up.
 

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