The Arrse Bone threads Thread...

#1
Jeesus, but they seem to be spreading like some kind of weed!


To spare the pain in other forums, how about a collection of pointless threads and questions right here, that can be used as a wiki by the dull and gormless.

I'll start the bidding with these:

I've just been issued a basha sheet - a mate in the ACF told me that only one side is waterproofed with Goretex chemicals. Is it the side with the handles? I tried asking my CQMS, but he told me to do one...I'm going on exercise this week, and I don't want to get get wet!
I've been reading on arrse thatt he SA80 is really shit because the bullets are too small. I'm joining the Queens Ghurka Parachute Recce Regiment next week, and I want to know if I can ask for a different weapon - should I ask for an SLR from the CSM when I get their?
URGENT!!!! Please help - I am posting this from my iphone on the parade square! CSM is yelling at me for supposedly fucking up a drill move - but I was told in the ACF a different way. Do I have grounds for a redress of grievance? Answers needed in 10 seconds please before he reaches the front rank of my squ......
 
#3
Leaving aside the "I killed a bloke when I was 15 but got released when I was 28. Can I still join the Army?"
or the "I lost a leg in a train accident but I can still run a BFT in 5 minutes with my steel leg. Would I be accepted for the Paras?"
and (my favourite) "Does losing a tooth stop you joining? (followed by) the Army has asked my doctor for my medical records. Could it be because I lost a tooth?"
type questions, I think the one about the room inspections must have caused a few to come crawling out of the rocks.
All the questions on medals should also be stuck in the bone thread. FFS, I think the RQ and tailor knows what order to mount them in and contact your admin staff to find out if you are allowed to wear the Bongo Bongo certificate of merit on your combats when the Queen visits! And any medal that has the words Queens and Jubilee in them should be mounted in pride of place on your toilet wall.
 
#5
Leaving aside the "I killed a bloke when I was 15 but got released when I was 28. Can I still join the Army?"
or the "I lost a leg in a train accident but I can still run a BFT in 5 minutes with my steel leg. Would I be accepted for the Paras?"
and (my favourite) "Does losing a tooth stop you joining? (followed by) the Army has asked my doctor for my medical records. Could it be because I lost a tooth?"
type questions, I think the one about the room inspections must have caused a few to come crawling out of the rocks.
All the questions on medals should also be stuck in the bone thread. FFS, I think the RQ and tailor knows what order to mount them in and contact your admin staff to find out if you are allowed to wear the Bongo Bongo certificate of merit on your combats when the Queen visits! And any medal that has the words Queens and Jubilee in them should be mounted in pride of place on your toilet wall.
I take it you never got the Queens Golden Jubilee Medal then, ex-bleep?
 
#6
Theres always the 'I have Bi Polar disorder and anger management issues and i also respond negatively to authority' that
aside what are my chances of passing the medical ?
 
#7
Or how about;

"I killed a man in basic training whilst driving like a lunatic on camp, I basically hit him with my motor as he crossed the road outside the NAAFI. I was found guilty of dangerous driving but was never jailed (either in MCTC or civvie nick). I am now an LE Captain".

The above actually happened.
 
#8
I take it you never got the Queens Golden Jubilee Medal then, ex-bleep?
Oh, fuck. Does that mean I have to write to Soldier magazine? And can I have the Diamond one cos I'm still alive (and was before Betty even got on the throne - so where's my George VI funeral medal, then?)
What a load of arrse.
 
#9
.
Sounds great to join up and get plenty of gongs, I will ask the rest of my brownie troop to join up now.



Leaving aside the "I killed a bloke when I was 15 but got released when I was 28. Can I still join the Army?"
or the "I lost a leg in a train accident but I can still run a BFT in 5 minutes with my steel leg. Would I be accepted for the Paras?"
and (my favourite) "Does losing a tooth stop you joining? (followed by) the Army has asked my doctor for my medical records. Could it be because I lost a tooth?"
type questions, I think the one about the room inspections must have caused a few to come crawling out of the rocks.
All the questions on medals should also be stuck in the bone thread. FFS, I think the RQ and tailor knows what order to mount them in and contact your admin staff to find out if you are allowed to wear the Bongo Bongo certificate of merit on your combats when the Queen visits! And any medal that has the words Queens and Jubilee in them should be mounted in pride of place on your toilet wall.
 
#10
#11
The SA80 SLR debate - second to when do we get paid or whats your 1.5 time - It is Groundhog day....."They say we're young and we don't know We won't find out until we grow "

It is Groundhog day....."They say we're young and we don't know We won't find out until we grow "

It is Groundhog day....."They say we're young and we don't know We won't find out until we grow "


It is Groundhog day....."They say we're young and we don't know We won't find out until we grow "
 
#12
Is it true that there is a special place on a man's body that if you shoot it there, his head will explode?
 
#13
#16
Theres always the 'I have Bi Polar disorder and anger management issues and i also respond negatively to authority' that
aside what are my chances of passing the medical ?
Just to add, that same person gets told to stop being a pest, and to speak to the ACIO in say, post #4, and in post #6 he replies. "Yoo lot are just flusking bustards, noon of yous have got a faking clue.I'm flaking well flukinghard,,,. Me. Yousfuckers.
 
#18
The threads that get on my tits are, when do we paid? I mean are some people who really do not realise that it's the last working day of the month!

STILTS
 
#20
All the numerous threads that ask 'what the best torch/socks/knife/webbing/boots rucksack/underpants/ shoelaces' etc etc fcuking etc!
 

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