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The Apprentices New Arrse

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#1
All,

It is with glad tidings in my heart that I can inform you that on Weds 26th March the new serries of The Apprentice returns


So bloody what I hear you cry

Well this time its important as one of our own is about to take part, and when I say one of our own I don't mean some jumped up twat that does a year at sandbags before pishing off to do a job in Meeja

I mean someone who

a. served for 7 yrs
b. was a JNCO
c. Did 4 0p tours
and most importantly
d. is a member of ARRSE (albeit occasional)





See the fat feck on the right ? Thats my friends is Simon Smith who has appointed me his official spokesperson on this interweb site as he is banned from posting on any forum or blog during the run of the show.

Heres his write up

The Apprentice 2008: Simon Smith


Simon Smith is a 35 year old Senior Satellite Television Engineer from Harlow. Simon has served in the Royal Artillery as an NCO (non-commissioned officer) and specialised as a surveyor. He served in countries all over the world including Bosnia, Cyprus, The USA, Canada, Northern Ireland and the Middle East.

It was there he trialled the army’s first satellite communications systems. He was given exemplary discharge from service in 1998. He is now a Senior Satellite Engineer responsible for Sky TV installations. Simon is a tough but honest, likeable, salt of the earth kind of guy who claims planning is the key to doing anything well. He loves Sir Alan’s no nonsense approach and claims to have never missed an episode of The Apprentice yet.

He says: “I get things done. I have enthusiasm for everything I do. I am loud, bombastic, I don’t play games. Everyone wants me on their team.”
Please give your support or slag off merciously during his run on the show however long it may be

I will not reveal his online identity, I will leave that to him the conclusion of the show


Edited to correct facts after he slagged for getting it wrong
 
#2
Here's hoping Mr Smith gives the girl on the left of the photo Charge Super ! :p
 
#3
"Everyone wants me on their team"

Give me clucking strength. Another dropshort wannabe and he has clearly been eating far too many pies since leaving the Army.
 
#4
Senior Satellite Engineer responsible for Sky TV installations.

You mean he bimbles around in a white van, nails a dish to a wall then charges you an extra 30 quid for 2m of cable he says wasnt covered in the contract? I can see he'll go far....
 
#7
couple of posh totty in there! nice.
 

BuggerAll

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#9
Can't he afford a decent tie? Say Brown, Green Sand and Pink stripes. Perhaps we should have had a whip round for him so that he can wear it on Newsnight at the end of the show.

Then again if he can't afford an Arrse tie he is not going to go far so - keep you money in your pockets.
 
#10
He's going to either nail one of the slags or knock someone out. Either way, its all going to end in tears!
 
#12
Good luck to him, never watch the prog myself, but I have every sympathy for anyone wanting to get out of Murdoch's employment.

GunnersQuadrant, PM, IPM or just WB?
 
#13
chokinthechicken said:
The Sun(scum) decribes him as a former drug user. WTF

CTC
I read on another forum he developed the habit after a tour. So could have been a case of self-medication.

Although, even if he just developed the habit because he was a twat, then at least he's got himself back on track.
 
#14
pyrogenica said:
Good luck to him, never watch the prog myself, but I have every sympathy for anyone wanting to get out of Murdoch's employment.
Amstrad was actually bought by Sky just a few months ago so it could be said that he's not changing employer at all!
 
#15
Oh Dear. episode three he's going to have p+ssed the majority of em off and he'll be booted for episode 5

50 quid in Arrse pot if I'm wrong
 
#17
BuggerAll said:
Can't he afford a decent tie? Say Brown, Green Sand and Pink stripes. Perhaps we should have had a whip round for him so that he can wear it on Newsnight at the end of the show.

Then again if he can't afford an Arrse tie he is not going to go far so - keep you money in your pockets.
Nothing wrong with the colours in that tie. Claret and Blue go together so well. :D

wellyhead, you have a PM...
 
#18
The Gunners seem to be monopolising this programme(almost).Wasn't there an ex Gunner subaltern(''Nice but dim'') on a previous programme?
 
#19
This may be a daft question, but wtf is an 'exemplary discharge'? If he did six years and went outside, that counts as, erm, just going outside.
 
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