The Ant and the Grasshopper

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by pompey, Feb 2, 2006.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. CLASSIC VERSION:

    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house
    and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool,
    and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
    Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no
    food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

    THE END




    THE BRITISH VERSION:

    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house
    and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool,
    and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
    Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. So far, so good, eh?

    The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why
    the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less
    fortunate, like him, are cold and starving.

    The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with
    cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home with a table laden
    with food.

    Britons are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper
    is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

    The Labour Party, the Race Discrimination people and the Coalition Against
    Poverty demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The BBC, interrupting a
    Welsh cultural festival special from Swansea with breaking news, broadcasts
    them singing "We Shall Overcome."

    Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Jeremy Paxman that the ant has
    gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax
    hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share".

    In response to polls, the Labour Government drafts the Economic Equity and
    Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the
    summer.

    The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to hire
    grasshoppers as helpers.

    Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed retroactive
    taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

    The ant moves to the US, and starts a successful agribiz company.

    The BBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the
    ant's food, though Spring is still months away, while the government house
    he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him
    because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.

    Inadequate government funding is blamed, a famous barrister is appointed to
    head a commission of enquiry that will cost £10,000,000.

    The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Guardian blames it on
    the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair
    arising from social inequity.

    The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by
    the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity, who promptly
    set up a marijuana growing op and terrorize the community.

    THE END
     
  2. lol brilliant
     
  3. LMFAO. well done pompey