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The alternate ARRSE phonetic alphabet

I was at a client's premises today and had the misfortune of seeing a crusty shunter (ex 22 year Cloudpuncher RSI) berate the girlie Transport Operative for using incorrect VP over the radio.

After he stormed out I asked her what she'd done to upset him. She explained that he is a c0ck and she deliberately uses a girlie alternative phonetic alphabet to wind him up!

H = Handbag
S = Shoes
L = Lipstick

etc, etc.

'Good skills young lady said I. Oh, and ask him about the colour of his landyard next time he goes off on one.'

So it got me thinking of an ARRSE version..............

A = ?

Over to you.

A is for arrsehole, all covered in hair,
B is the bu99er, who wished he was there,
C is for cnut, all dripping with p1ss,
D is the drunkard, who gave it a kiss.


edited as urine doesn't rhyme with kiss


Shouldn't it be something that can be linked with ARRSE


B - Biscuit (Arrse biscuit)
C- Cake (and Arrse)
D - Dullard (Arrse Dullard)
To continue....

E is for Eunuch with only one ball.
F is for fcukers with no balls at all.

G is for Gonorrhoea, Goitre and Gout,
H is the Harlot that spread it about.

I is Injection for clap, pox and itch.
J is for jerk of a dog on a bitch.

K is for King who thought fcuking a bore,
L is for Lesbian who came back for more.

M is for Maidenhead tattered and torn.
N is for Noble who died with a horn.

O is for Orifice gently revealed.
P is for pussy all Pranged up and Peeled.

Q is the Quaker who came in his hat,
R is the Roger who rogered the cat.

S is the sh1t pot all full to the brim.
T is the turds that are floating within.

U is the Usher who taught us at school.
V is the Virgin that played with his tool.

W is the Whore who thought fcuking a farce.
X, Y and Z you can stuff up your arrse.
A = Arrse
B = Bandsman
C = Crab(s)
D = Drummer
E = Engineers
F = Fusileers
G = Guardsmen
H = Hussar
I = Infantry
J = Jankers
K = Khaki
L = Lancer
M = Munitions
N = Nukes
O = Occifers
P = Pioneer
Q = Queer
R =Rifleman
S = Shortt
T = Trigger
U = Uniform (and I so didn't want to do that)
V = Volunteer
W = Wah
X = Excuse
Y = Yeoman
Z = Zulu

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