The 2007 Darwin Awards

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by CarpeDiem, Aug 22, 2007.

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  1. It's that time of year again!!

    Here is the glorious winner:

    1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

    And now, the honorable mentions:

    2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

    3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

    4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

    5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

    6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

    7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

    8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, 'Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from.'

    9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

    In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with your friends and family ... unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

    http://www.darwinawards.com/
     
  2. Darwin Awards 2007????

    Do people never learn, because I had this email years ago, and they still die in the same manner.

    Strange that there are no mentions of any of these in the link provided.
     
  3. The Darwin Awards are an annual event... and yes, people do continue to find more and more creatively stupid ways to top themselves... :judge: :rofl:
     
  4. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    One only has to look at some of the footage in ogrish.com, such as mortar tube and RPG firers. Though they don't qualify as Darwin Awards per se, they sure as hell remove themselves from the gene pool in a nice darwinian fashion, for the general betterment of humankind as a whole.
     
  5. I thought that in order to be considered for a Darwin Award the candidate had to die? And die childless, thus removing the stupid gene from the gene pool.

    Not all of these idiots are dead, so how are they in the running for more than just ridicule?
     
  6. You're correct. Usually only people who are actually dead can be considered for a Darwin or be a runner up. However, I seem to remember that there was a runner up a few years ago that had effectively removed their genes from the pool by the dexterous removal of their ability to procreate.

    Honorable Mentions can be won by either the dead or people who came really close. In most cases death pretty much seems to guarantee you a runner-up status if you are going to be mentioned at all.
     
  7. My fav was the security guard who, while on building patrols, used to go out on the roof of the building and have a smoke while stood in front of the microwave transmitter dish because "it was nice and warm there".

    He'd been warned about it several times but carried on....until the night they ran a high wattage test signal though the dish.......
     
  8. I rather liked the one about the bloke who was so desperate to get drunk he drank petrol, and then vomited into an open fire...
     
  9. This one, verified and true, has always intrigued me.

     
  10. My favourite is the guy who took his family boating on one of the great lakes (Canada/USA). It was a hot day and the water was warm. He jumped in leaving his family in the boat. He could not swim and did not have a life jacket on. The top 4 or 5 inches was warm but under that it was ice cold. He started to drown, his family could not get to him because they could not swim and could not start the boat. He drowned not more than ten feet from them and it was several hours before some one came to the boat and rescued his family.

    He did not get the award because he had children but was deemed to be a good runner up as he would produce no more.