As reported in Private Eye: Following Defence Secretary Geoff Hoon's trip to Iraq in June, MoD officials made a series of courtesy calls to Basra to see how his visit had been received on the ground. In response, a wing commander of the Joint Helicopter Force quoted from The Forked Tongue', the unit's in-house newsletter, which claims to be 'published in the heat of the Iraqi sun and printed on recycled next-of-kin forms'. Its report was as follows: "The visit by the Right Honourable Geoff Hoon was lauded as a huge success for morale and a giant leap forward political progress in Iraq. 'Everyone thought the visit went exceptionally well', said Iraqi Information Minister Said Al Ali. On other pages: Pumas can lift more than Chinooks, the move to tented accommodation really is a good idea and salmon live in trees and eat pencils." This brought a swift response from the Vice-Chief of the Defence Staff that he be supplied with a full set of copies of the magazine as a 'useful indicator of morale'. A copy of the latest edition - complete with its front page scoop "massive alchoholic orgy at Iraq's only permitted beer-making factory cancelled due to organisational errors" - has duly been sent to Whitehall. Outstanding!