Thanks Guys.

#1
I got some bad news today,My Uncle Ken passed away last night & I was informed today.Consequently,I'm feeling a little low,dunno wether to cry,get pissed or what.
But after reading thru some of the posts here,I'm feeling a little more cheerful.So thanks guy's for your witty,service banter & slagging in cheering me up.
Regards,
Spike
 
#2
Hard lines mate...a case of "all those with an uncle, one pace forward march - spike7451 STAND STILL! Were do you think you're going?"
 
#4
Was he a special uncle?

When you began to develop as a man did he take less interest in you?

If your Uncle Kens surname was Bigley, I have some rather bad news, they cut the cnuts head off some time ago
 
#5
Commiserations Spike,

Maybe this will cheer you a little more. I promised I wouldn’t tell any more people after texting my mum, her mum and her two best mates but needs must…

I was luxuriating in a nice hot bath this morning, minding my own business and reading a good book. Imagine my surprise as the door burst open and in storms my girlfriend in a flood of tears and a face that could turn yoghurt sour.

“What the hells the matter with you?” I grumble sympathetically from behind my book.
“I, I, I’ve sh, sh, shii, shii, shiit my knickers!” Boo hoo sob.
“Well done,” says I “what do you want me to do about it?” as she strips down in the middle of the bathroom.
“I just needed to squeeze out a little fart when it just happened.”
“What am I going to do with these?” Proffering a cacked up g-string.
“Get them out of my face for starters, you dirty cow.” I replied succinctly.

She then proceeded to adopt the position and let rip with the smelliest, wettest fart ridden fizzy gravy dump I’ve ever had the misfortune to experience. I have to say, up until this point I was getting slightly aroused with her bearded clam on show and the thought of some dirty lovin’ but the stink from her bung hole put me right off. The sight of her wiping the back of her legs wasn’t too endearing either.

After cleaning herself up I showed her the “Following through…” thread in Best Of and she soon saw the funny side but as mentioned at the start, I’m in the dog house for telling her mates. Some people you just can’t please.

Going to get her leathered now and see if I can get her to grand slam.

PS Caught in the act, she has made me promise to mention she is on anti-biotics.
PPS It’s not for that sort of infection, she’s not THAT dirty.
PPPS I look forward to an outpouring of sympathy from the sensitive arrse community.
 
#6
spike7451 said:
I got some bad news today,My Uncle Ken passed away last night & I was informed today.Consequently,I'm feeling a little low,dunno wether to cry,get pissed or what.
But after reading thru some of the posts here,I'm feeling a little more cheerful.So thanks guy's for your witty,service banter & slagging in cheering me up.
Regards,
Spike
If your Aunt dating yet? :D
 
#7
She was before she murdered Uncle Ken.....




Is this him?
 
#10
Soldier_w, I think that deserves a thread of it's own. Why or why did you not make the most of her filthy state? MDN would have gone straight in their with his tongue then his little man, he'll be disappointed with you.

P.S if she's reading this I'm a nice person really
P.P.S if she's not reading this; on antibiotics she'll be really cheap to get drunk, time for experimenting :D
 
#11
Thanks for the laafs guys.Uncle Ken was a keen supporter of our Armed Force's & was himself a B Special before going to work at Harland & Wollf shipyard.He's also got more upstair's than that tawt Kember,even after his stroke!
Cheers,
Have a good Sunday & a cold one on me.
Spike
 
#12
Sympathies Spike.

There is some good news though.

At this very minute, hundreds of cyclists are congregating at Donaghadee and will soon be heading your way.
Followed by the wives in their cars, with CARAVANS.
 
#13
If he was a B Special and Harland and Wolf vet, he did well to last as long as he did.
 
#14
Did he mention the 50 quid that he owed me you can cough up for I will take payment out of any nieces that may be knocking about.
 
#15
I recently lost my grandfather. We gave him a skateboard for his birthday, and he went downhill pretty fast after that.
 
#16
Whens Uncle Kens funeral? how did he die? Are you burrying or burning him?

I'm pleased that when you heard the saddening news of a loved one dropping dead your first thoughts were arrse.... touching.

filthyphil said:
I recently lost my grandfather.
That was a bit irresponsible.

Not to worry though Phil, he's got me wearing his knee pads whilst he rides my half pipe.
 
#17
Funerals on Wednesday & he's getting burried in the local cemetary.When he passed,it was so sudden & the paramedics tried that electric paddle thingy & for 20 min from what I gather to revive him.The Police were called as it was a sudden death & the f***** doctor would'nt sign the death cert without a autopsy,then there was'nt a autopsy ,then there was & now the cnut has signed the cert without a autopsy!
My aunt is in tears aver all this f****** around!
Spike
 

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