Thank feck its Friday!

#1
Well it's my day off so I though I'll start us off this week.



A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend: "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything."

His friend replies: "That's great! Did you get a blowjob?"

"No, I never found the head."



An elderly English gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.

At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."

The English gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. All Englishmen have to show their passports on arrival in France !"

The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.

Then he quietly explained.

"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D- Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any fucking Frenchmen to show it to"



Have a good weekend guys and girls.
 
#2
Wahey, we're off!!

Happy Weekend folks. Good luck to all the boys rehearsing the QBP.
 

BrunoNoMedals

LE
Kit Reviewer
#3
One hour left in the office... how many IGS-friendly ways of wasting it do you know of?
 
#7
Two blokes talking about sex. One said his favourite position was the "bucking bronco". New one on me said his mate. Well what you do is the doggie position first then reach round with both hands, grab her tits and say " bluddy hell these are bigger then your sisters". If you can hold on for more than 8 seconds its a record..
 
#9
In weekend mood. Decent weather in my neck of the woods. Went out earlier from work and its not so much tit monday as midriff Friday.

One lass - I am sorry to say that many arrsers would view her as not only fat but also a munter - is wobbling up the road with "Angel" tattooed across her exposed lower back.

My comment of "Well if you're an angel you'll need fcuking big wings to get that frame airborne" was not immensely well received!
 
#10
Frank Lampards mum was a West Ham supporter all her life but she eventually turned blue in the end. :wink:
 
#11
i'm stuck in this sh*tehole of a civvy job till 5:30 :(
 

BrunoNoMedals

LE
Kit Reviewer
#12
A Frenchman, and Italian and an Irishman are sat in a pub discussing their other halves. The banter moves, inevitably, to sex. The Frenchman is the first to start boasting:

"When I've finished making love to my wife, I kiss her from head to toe. She loves it so much she jumps straight up, six inches off the bed!"

The Italian is unimpressed:

"When I've finished making love to my wife I lick her from head to toe. The pleasure makes her leap three feet off the bed!"

The Irishman lowers his beer and wipes his mouth.

"That's nothing lads. When I've finished making love to my wife I wipe my c*ck on the curtains. She hits the fcuking roof."
 
#14
schweik said:
In weekend mood. Decent weather in my neck of the woods. Went out earlier from work and its not so much tit monday as midriff Friday.

One lass - I am sorry to say that many arrsers would view her as not only fat but also a munter - is wobbling up the road with "Angel" tattooed across her exposed lower back.

My comment of "Well if you're an angel you'll need fcuking big wings to get that frame airborne"
was not immensely well received!
Frank Lampards mum was a West Ham supporter all her life but she eventually turned blue in the end. Wink
Those two stories remind me of a completely true thing I saw in Derby, the lard arrse capital of the midlands.

Fat lass wobbling along with her fat mates, all wearing football shirts. (This was about 3 years ago I think)
Anyway, the fattest one at the back had a football shirt on that said LAMPARD across the back. However she was carrying a very small rucksack (matching colour to the shirt) which obscured the "m" and "p" and"A" in the middle.

I was in bits!
 

mysteron

LE
Book Reviewer
#15
FatBoyGeorge said:
A group of British paratroopers were firing their weapons for practice near the Kuwait/Iraq border. A group of Iraqi soliders, fearing the war had started, crossed the border and promptly surrendered to the paratroopers. My immediate thought was, "Finally, French culture has spread to the Middle East."
True anecdote similiar to the above:

Just before kick off in Iraq 2003, the sappers were up at the border preparing the breach to allow us through. They were compromised by a few Iraqi soldiers who promptly decided it was appropriate not to shoot but surrender just like a Frenchman. Being rather busy at the time, the RE SSgt looked at them balefully and shouted, "Fcuk off and come back next week!!"

That is how to fight a war..... :thumleft:
 
#16
I went into a pub the other day. There was an Austrailian, an Irishman, a Scotsman, two Asians, an African man, and two Homosexuals.






...I didn't stay long.
 

B_AND_T

LE
Book Reviewer
#17
BrunoNoMedals said:
One hour left in the office... how many IGS-friendly ways of wasting it do you know of?
Your doing it.
 

BrunoNoMedals

LE
Kit Reviewer
#18
B_AND_T said:
BrunoNoMedals said:
One hour left in the office... how many IGS-friendly ways of wasting it do you know of?
Your doing it.
Good point, well made. Now, do we get Pinball Wizard on DII?
 

B_AND_T

LE
Book Reviewer
#19
Yes
 

BrunoNoMedals

LE
Kit Reviewer
#20
Excellent. I set the office record on DAWN last week when the networks all went down. Now to try again...
 

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