Thank F*ck That Wasnt Me

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Tremaine, Jul 16, 2009.

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  1. "On June 7, 2009 at approximately 9:30 am in a quite Atlanta suburb, Richard Beccond left his house for work and took the Forline Turnpike like he did every day. At 9:45 a wide-load hauler was moving a slew of construction equipment with one of those vehicles being a 5 ton crane with a wrecking ball attached. To make a long story a little shorter lets skip to the part where the hauler flips on the overpass and the crane falls off and the wrecking ball swings across the turnpike below smashing into this beautiful 911 Porche!! Now it is only good for a junk yard and because the driver miraculously survived there is a rumor he will donate his car to a local charity."

    "A 70-year-old shoplifter tried to evade capture by biting an arresting officer before realising he'd left his dentures at home.

    Pensioner Gustav Ernegger turned on the policeman when he grabbed him as he ran out of a clothes shop in Braunschweig, Germany, after stealing a shirt.

    But instead of sinking his teeth into the officer's arm, he was only able to leave a wet mark from his gums."

    "Two English football fans in Cologne lost their car after mistakenly thinking they had parked it on a road called 'One Way Street'.

    The pair wrote down 'Einbahn Strasse' - which means one-way street in German - so they didn't forget where they'd left the hire car.

    But when they came to find it again they found that every second street in the inner city was called 'Einbahn Strasse'..........."

    Ferfer fcuks SersSerssake

  2. Reminds me of when I went to Wales - passed a sign saying "Ysgol" a few times - convinced I was going round in circles.......... :cry: :cry:

  3. Not to mention that huge city called Ausfahrt. Signs to it all over the place.
  4. Daft Gran
    Refuse authorities in West Sussex have failed to locate an elderly lady's life savings after she accidentally threw £12,000 out with the rubbish.

    Wheelie bins /PA pics

    The woman, who lives in Worthing but hasn't been named, kept the bundle of £50 notes in a blue reusable shopping bag, according to the Daily Telegraph.

    However, when she inadvertently popped the cash into her wheelie bin, it promptly ended up at a landfill site near Horsham, where it's now lost under hundreds of tons of waste.

    A team of 14 binmen delved unsuccessfully through tons of rubbish in search of the bag, but waste strategy manager Paul Willis concluded, "Unfortunately, there is no hope - the chances of finding it at landfill are zilch."

    Willis also advised against going to search for the cash at the site, which receives around 100 tons of rubbish a day. "There is security and people won't be able to get past, " he warned. "There is also lots of heavy, dangerous machinery."

    Fart Fine
    An Austrian man has been fined £45 for breaking wind while he was being questioned by police officers.

    Police in Graz said the laughter of passers-by humiliated them, giving them grounds to book Hansi Sporer, 20, under local anti police abuse laws.

    "This was no accident. He clearly intended to make a laughing stock out of the officers and deserved what he got," said one police source.

    The Safety and Security Act allows police to issue instant fines to people who insult or attack them.

    Terry Pratchett

    Mugshot Clumsy Crooks Dot com

    Attached Files:

  5. Lovely! Drunk, to sober and in pain within about 3 seconds
  6. Mate, Im the sort of clumsy tw*t that would end up accidently chinning his bird again, then end up swimming round on the deck with a face full of pitta :D
  7. Anecdotes from the Media, all true, allegedly. Know who they were?

    “The 33 or 34-year-olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they’re not careful.” :?

    “The Germans only have one player under 22, and he’s 23.” 8O

    “The good news for Nigeria is that they’re two-nil down very early in the game” :roll:

    “There’ll be no siestas in Madrid tonight” :D

    “You can’t do better than go away from home and get a draw” :(

    “Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw.” :)

    “He dribbles a lot and the opposition don’t like it - you can see it all over their faces.” :lol:

    "For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex ... uh... setbacks."
  8. Much like a trip trhough Italy by train:
    Wife: What town are we in ?
    David: Uscita
    next station,
    Wife: What town are we in ?
    David: Uscita
    next station
    Wife: What town are we in now?
    David: It's still Uscita, must be a big town for so many stations
  9. Nah blud, this is how to slap a yut'