Terror alert levels

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by oldcolt, Jul 2, 2009.

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    (Appologies if its already been posted elsewehere)

    The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats in Islamabad and have raised

    their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet

    again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940

    when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody

    Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great

    fire of 1666.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to

    "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was

    precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed Frances' white flag factory, effectively paralysing the

    country's military capability.

    It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level

    from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:

    "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

    The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and

    Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about

    is NATO pulling out of Brussels ....

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully

    designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old

    Spanish navy.

    Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on everyone .......including their

    allies ....... just in case.

    And at a local level...

    New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing

    defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes

    and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level

    of escalation, which is "Shut, I hope Austrulia will come end riscue us". In the event of invasion,

    New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".

    Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate".

    Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this

    weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the

    use of the final escalation level......
  2. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    I'd seen the first half of that, but the rest of it made the re-post worthwhile :)