Terror Alert Issued as Pop Idol Winner Receives Record Contract Mon 5th Jan - An urgent terror alert was issued by the UK government yesterday as it became apparent that the recent "winner" of TV's shameful Pop Idol show, Michelle mcManus, would, as threatened, receive a contract to record an album. "There is a real threat, in the here and now, that this abomination to music will soon be polluting our airwaves," said a government spokesman, chewing on his fist in angst. "We advise people to be vigilant and to avoid listening to the radio wherever possible for the foreseeable future." Asked how the government would be acting to counter the threat, he added chillingly, "I don't know, man. I just don't know." Until now it had been hoped that the threatened prize was merely a tasteless joke by producers of the show, also responsible for airing idiots like Mark Dillon, a convicted criminal, but an evilly grinning record executive finally confirmed the deal yesterday morning, prompting the Government to hastily issue its warning. It is feared that Michelles corporate manufactured verbal diarrhoea of an album could be in the shops as soon as next month, or as soon as they can strike a deal with whomever's song it is that she will no doubt pathetically cover. "I'm looking forward to annoying people everywhere with another crappy cover version of an 80s song," said McManus, probably. Dubbed "Nearly as good as One True Voice" by Kylie Minogue when she heard her perform, and "An obese fat idiot that symbolises everything wrong with society" just now by me,McManus was a popular choice with viewers of the show, but how many would have voted if they had known this announcement was in store? One fan told us he felt "betrayed" by the show. "I thought it was a joke," said John Adams, a 24 year old systems analyst from Birmingham. "I'm utterly distraught and I feel betrayed by the people responsible. I just can't face the thought of listening to the smug fatso every morning on my drive to work. I mean m my God!" A sentiment surely echoed by many. Other people were just as quick to register their disgust. "I'd like to be quick to register my disgust!" said Lisa Tempest, a 28 year old Londoner who asked to remain anonymous. "I'm disgusted and I wanted to register that quickly," said some other guy whose name we didn't bother to note. "Is this going to be on television?" asked a third who obviously wasn't familiar with the workings of the Internet. People were just as displeased all over the world. "What the hell are you talking about?" asked one New Yorker who obviously didn't have satellite TV and thus didn't get the program. But when we explained, he added, "Seriously? 400 pounds you reckon? The fat bastard!" Meanwhile, back at the Pop Idol studios, loser Mark refused to confirm or deny reports of the formation of his fan club "BrummieMates". One man in the street, who asked not to remain anonymous, however, confirmed our fears by saying "My God, that's the gayest thing I ever heard!" No shit.