Terminal Leave

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#1
Day 3 of my leave and I am bored senseless.

Wanking has lost its appeal. My knob is sore.
Daytime TV has me searching for drugs.
I now realise Mrs B&T is shit company.

Any ideas on how to survive? I've got another 4 months of this.
 
#3
Blow your lump sum on high class hookers and cocaine.

It's more fun than Daytime TV. You won't have to wank. Mrs B&T won't be around for very much longer.

You'll still have a sore knob though.

3 out of 4 ok for you?
 
#4
Day 3 of my leave and I am bored senseless.

Wanking has lost its appeal. My knob is sore.
Daytime TV has me searching for drugs.
I now realise Mrs B&T is shit company.

Any ideas on how to survive? I've got another 4 months of this.
Start making gin in the bath.

Buy some knob healing cream.

Think up imaginative ways in which to maim or kill Jeremy Kyle guests.

Dig a big fucking hole and bury the wife.
 
#5
Day 3 of my leave and I am bored senseless.

Wanking has lost its appeal. My knob is sore.
Daytime TV has me searching for drugs.
I now realise Mrs B&T is shit company.

Any ideas on how to survive? I've got another 4 months of this.
Supply us with pics of your wife, certainly pass our time of day.
 
#8
Get a hobby or sign on with a driving agency and earn a few bob, play snooker, darts, get a mistress (remember there is a woman only 3 miles away), go fishing the list is endless.
 
#10
Aloe Vera lotion.
Get yourself a hobby, embroidery seems your style.
You're missus needs a job. A copy of your local paper open to the situations vacant page with highlighted suitable positions, placing this at a suitable location should stimulate hours of discussion.
Volunteer for experimentation at Porton Down.
 

TheresaMay

ADC
Moderator
DirtyBAT
#11
Here's an idea...

Take your lump sum, go to the auctions and get yourself a nice run-down 3 bed terrace in the back of beyond. Spend the next 4 months teaching yourself basic carpentry, plastering, painting and decorating skills and applying them to newly acquired property, then get it back on the market in 4 months time.

Whilst you're waiting for the punters to roll in and pay you £25k more than you paid for it, get it rented out privately at a reduced rate to claw back some of those expenses.

Make sure you phone the producers of "Homes under the Hammer" beforehand so you get a bit of schmeagling-time with the lovely Lucy Alexander.

Who looks the spit of my missus by the way.

Although my wife has bigger chebs.

...actually forget what I said, because it's 50/50 you might end up with the annoying camp presenter instead.
 
#12
Here's an idea...

Take your lump sum, go to the auctions and get yourself a nice run-down 3 bed terrace in the back of beyond. Spend the next 4 months teaching yourself basic carpentry, plastering, painting and decorating skills and applying them to newly acquired property, then get it back on the market in 4 months time.

Whilst you're waiting for the punters to roll in and pay you £25k more than you paid for it, get it rented out privately at a reduced rate to claw back some of those expenses.

Make sure you phone the producers of "Homes under the Hammer" beforehand so you get a bit of schmeagling-time with the lovely Lucy Alexander.

Who looks the spit of my missus by the way.

Although my wife has bigger chebs.

...actually forget what I said, because it's 50/50 you might end up with the annoying camp presenter instead.
Thank you! I have many fantasies about turning up on it, having just bought a run down mansion. After she asks the bone questions she whips off my drawers and yells at me to boot her back doors in over the period feature fireplace.

Mmm, auction porn.
 
#13
Day 3 of my leave and I am bored senseless.

Wanking has lost its appeal. My knob is sore.
Daytime TV has me searching for drugs.
I now realise Mrs B&T is shit company.

Any ideas on how to survive? I've got another 4 months of this.
How's that any different to usual?
 
#14
Heres an idea: Go out on the piss all over the planet with yer mates, spend all your wages on the first weekend of the month, smash up the locals and towns, bring your country into disrepute, gang-rape the local burds, occasionally wear something green, go away for a bit, come back then start over aga.......

No, hang on........
 
#18
Here's an idea...

Take your lump sum, go to the auctions and get yourself a nice run-down 3 bed terrace in the back of beyond. Spend the next 4 months teaching yourself basic carpentry, plastering, painting and decorating skills and applying them to newly acquired property, then get it back on the market in 4 months time.

Whilst you're waiting for the punters to roll in and pay you £25k more than you paid for it, get it rented out privately at a reduced rate to claw back some of those expenses.

Make sure you phone the producers of "Homes under the Hammer" beforehand so you get a bit of schmeagling-time with the lovely Lucy Alexander.

Who looks the spit of my missus by the way.

Although my wife has bigger chebs.

...actually forget what I said, because it's 50/50 you might end up with the annoying camp presenter instead.
Good plan. Unfortunately it involves initiative and graft anathema to Clerks
 

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