Tenuous Claims to Fame.

I have been trying to find something suitable to put in this thread - finally realised something that I have frequently boasted about.

When I left the army I was the most highly qualified person in the Army doing my job.

Whilst I was actually quite well qualified (and was recently offered £500 a day as a consultant to do it in civvy street) I was actually the only person in the Army doing my job.

So not really that much of a boast in reality...
Those bows don't string themselves you know.
 
When she was a teenager, SWMBO's best mate once won an art competition and a day out to Whipsnade Zoo with Paul King.

Years later, SWMBO's best mate was working on Smash Hits magazine, and a drunk Paul King, who did not remember her at all, made a pass at her at a party.
As a child on a good day I could see out of my bedroom window the chalk lion on the hill near Whipsnade zoo.
 

Issi

LE
Speaking of the M5 ahem, I once met Leslie Crowther as a kid at some fete or something. I vaguely knew who he was from Come On Down. All I remember thinking was that his teeth took up a lot of his face
That’s uncanny, I was insulted by Leslie Crowther at my village fete.

I was dressed as Yul Brynner from The King & I, and was wearing a tightly fitting bald wig thing.

Mr Crowther stopped at my float and said.

“Haha! Young man, that’s a fine set of ears you’ve got!”

The cheeky old drunk.
 
That’s uncanny, I was insulted by Leslie Crowther at my village fete.

I was dressed as Yul Brynner from The King & I, and was wearing a tightly fitting bald wig thing.

Mr Crowther stopped at my float and said.

“Haha! Young man, that’s a fine set of ears you’ve got!”

The cheeky old drunk.
"CRACKERJACK!"
 
I was once waiting to give evidence at a trial at Knightsbridge Crown Court when Paula Yates pitched up, also a witness but for the defence
She plonked herself down a couple of seats away from me , much to my regret.
Never in my life have I smelt someone so disgusting, her BO was off the scale, absolutely horrendous.
On the plus side, every time I see or hear that sanctimonious twat Geldof, I have a chuckle imagining his horror when she demanded oral...
I had rarely laughed to hard as to almost rupture various bodily tissues: Some years ago there was a 'cautionary' television program regarding tattoos that people regret and advances in their removal. When it came to the Yates woman who was the main 'pesenter', the look on her face at the end as the tears welled up when she was told that, because of the colour and composition of the ink, the large green fish on her arm could not be removed.
A similar expression was seen when she learned that her beloved father was not the chap who sired her but the real culprit was the boggle-eyed host of Opportunity Knocks, Hughie Green!
My, how surprised was I to learn from a neighbour that the daft bint next door to him had selfishly topped herself.
 
I was once on a train from Cornwall somewhere or other back to London. As the client was paying I was in the first class carriage. I was aware of a couple sat in the same carriage also but as I was facing in the opposite direction I did not take any notice even when the bloke walked passed me to the buffet car. When he returned to his seat he was followed by a bunch of young blokes who I think were a rugby team. They all milled around at the door of the carriage mumbling to each other with "is it him" type comments. One of them eventually nonchalantly strolled through the carriage and back to his mates to tell them yes it is. It was only when we got to Paddington and they got off I realised it was Paula Yates and Michael Hutchene.
I still chuckle whenever I see Martine McCutcheon and recall that she puked in his ginger dreadlocks.
 
I forgot one. A while ago I saw a bloke what I know on the telly. Ex Yeoman/Traffic Officer looking for a nice house in the Hereford area on Escape to the Country.

And...and...my two brothers were in the choir in our local church when Songs of Praise was filmed there. I never knew there were so many christians in our local area.
And the hat shop did very well that week.
 

GashHand

Old-Salt
Years ago I went to watch a play in the lyric theatre in Belfast. Afterwards, the front two rows of which I sat in, were invited to meet the cast back stage. There, I had a drink with Honor Blackman and Jemma Redgrave. Yep, they were charming and lovely.
 
May have been posted in this thread before but years ago i tipped up at Hammersmith Odeon, very late, to get some tickets for Chris Rea.
They were in demand, and the girl showed me the seating plan and pointed out the only two left.
I took them but i thought they were right at the back on the top tier.
I was mistaken, they were aisle seats second row from the front and i sat next to his Mum.
I read the seating plan upside down.
 
May have been posted in this thread before but years ago i tipped up at Hammersmith Odeon, very late, to get some tickets for Chris Rea.
They were in demand, and the girl showed me the seating plan and pointed out the only two left.
I took them but i thought they were right at the back on the top tier.
I was mistaken, they were aisle seats second row from the front and i sat next to his Mum.
I read the seating plan upside down.
Please tell us that her name is Di ....
 

Cold_Collation

LE
Book Reviewer
How about... I met my ex-wife because of Vic Reeves?

I originally knew her at school. She was best mates at the time with Sarah Vincent, Reeves's now ex-wife.

My ex-wife had moved away from where we went to school, and had read in the papers that Vincent had turned into a real bitch. She'd tracked her down via Friends Reunited and got in touch as she was sure that that couldn't be true... only to find out that she was indeed a real bitch.

I too was on Friends Reunited, she decided to get in touch again and the rest was a rather chequered history.
 
When I had my Hotchkiss M201 Jeep (kept in French army colours) I palled up with a scruffy beardy little guy called John with an ex-French army SUMB 4x4 truck at our local show and we made a point of meeting up at various local shows, having a pint and driving in to the arena together as a "French contingent" to make a change from all the Land Rovers and GI Jeeps. At one weekend show at Kemble we had a live band and hanger dance (jiving and stuff). After a few pints John wandered to the stage and I saw him chatting to the drummer before swapping places. John started banging out a beat which gradually transformed to recognisable tunes and he kept up this amazing drum solo for half an hour....I had a pint ready for when he came back. How was I to know it was John Coghlan, the original drummer from Status Quo. On being introduced to him wifey said he was the only guy she knew who could make Armani jeans look like Oxfam cast offs!.
 
Last edited:

Joshua Slocum

LE
Book Reviewer
Me and a Mate wired up Jilly Coopers house, Leo her old man was a lovely chap, but she used to type topless !! and she had a lovely set of Norks
it was bloody winter at the time so we didnt get to see her norks
but she did give me a nice autographed copy of her book
and she had loads of mad dogs
and nice big norks
 
How about... I met my ex-wife because of Vic Reeves?

I originally knew her at school. She was best mates at the time with Sarah Vincent, Reeves's now ex-wife.

My ex-wife had moved away from where we went to school, and had read in the papers that Vincent had turned into a real bitch. She'd tracked her down via Friends Reunited and got in touch as she was sure that that couldn't be true... only to find out that she was indeed a real bitch.

I too was on Friends Reunited, she decided to get in touch again and the rest was a rather chequered history.

mmmmm.....do you think ex-wifey picked up some hints and tips from Ms Vincent? :oops:
 

Latest Threads

Top