I will see your tree and raise you the tunnel not unadjacent to the Pont D'Alma in Paris. I was in the Paris Marathon when I was younger and less broken and forced a dribble from my dehydrated body in honour of the sainted Diana.Whilst I have not pissed up against the tree that Marc Bolan blew his lights out by ramming his Mini into it, my mate Chris has! Oh yes, that is how to do it. Be a British pop music star at the very pinnacle of your career and blat into a tree in a in an iconic British car in a middle class suburb of London.
Get more tenuous than that!!
Sent from my karzi while losing several pounds
On regular visits to the Palace of Westminster, I would often nick a number of sheets of HoLs and HoCs headed notepaper plus envelopes for the writing of threatening letters to friends from fictitious Peers and MPs.
Oh, the japes.
Sent from my karzi while losing several pounds
To be fair to Gordon he has only one eye.I've got loads of shaky claims to fame via work including upsetting at least 4 British Prime ministers through either my comments or actions.:
1. Gordon Brown.
Filming with him in the gardens at No.10. I needed to get a shot of him signing a large football shirt: after the 4th attempt he buggered it up again. I muttered 'Oh for ****'s sake Gordon..' a bit loudly which he and the senior Press sec heard: not amused.
2. David Cameron.
We had to get a quick statement from him and we had no time to put up lights.
'I'm going to have put you by the window', I told him..
He said 'I want to do it here'
I replied 'We can't...'
He said 'listen - we're doing it here by the desk..'
'Then we won't see you we will we' says I.
'Oh, put your ******* light up then...' says Craig Oliver (His senior press secretary)
Every year I shoot a series of regional political interviews with the senior party leaders. I did Mrs May 2 years running and had a photo from the previous year. I noticed she was in exactly the same clothes .
During a break I said 'Prime Minister, I notice you're wearing the same outfit as last year'
'Oh no, I'm certainly not..' says she
'Oh yes you are..' says I and showed her the photo.
She was remarkably flustered and her press sec was not amused.
4. Boris Johnson (as mayor)
I was filming at a refuge for vulnerable homeless people at Christmas. Boris was due to visit and so the 'residents' had made a big Xmas tree out of odds and sods. I had a camera with a transmitter on the back to send live pictures. I was walking backwards getting a shot of Boris entering and the tree was pointed out to him... just I crashed into the bloody thing, knocking it flying. Boris rushes over, trying to get the camera to point at me .The engineers in the Sat truck were amused to hear him shouting 'I'll show the nation the bugger who broke their tree...' Luckily we weren't live.
I've subsequently filmed him many times as PM and he denies he did it...
You know we’re you mentioned it would be boring....The story of my tenuous claim to fame involving the infamous Brian Paddick
I was at the time working for a retail stocktaking firm and that night was with about 30 others doing an overnight stock take of a Woolworths (remember them) in South London somewhere .
At 02.00 a lunch break was called and I was one of the first out the door for a much needed smoke . Just as I sparked up and with almost military precision 6 police cars pulled up to the curb , each with 2 coppers inside apart from the first which had an inspector in the back .
The back seater beckoned me over and wound down the window about 1/2 inch and lisped " what's going on here " ? So I replied it's a stocktake and he went into one , spitting feathers and at the same time lisping " Why wasn't I informed " ? " I must be informed of anything going on in my patch " If the window had been open a bit more I'm sure he would have chucked his teddy out the car .
Next he's asking who's in charge here ? get them for me . So off I toddled inside , found the guy running the job and he went outside a got an ear bashing for the next 15 minutes It was only on reflection I thought I should have gone back in and sat down for my packed lunch and said nothing and wait for the fireworks
The twelve coppers sitting in the cars looked bored as hell with his antics and I'm sure they were very embarrassed by his actions .
I remember thinking at the time they were all traffic cars as well .
So that's my tale of a night with the biggest poof in the Metropolitan Police
EDITED to correct some of the many spelling mistooks
Only last Tuesday I bumped into Rory McCann (The Hound from Game of Thrones), I had a call to make on Inchmullin Island, and he was getting out of his R.I.B. at Burnfoot quay, according to the bloke I was dealing with, he occasionally turns up at the pub wearing his Hound helmet, and is very vocal when it comes to his privacy.