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Tenuous Claims to Fame.

I've reported this elsewhere on Arrse. Old bloke sat in the back of a dead posh motor a half-mile from Charles and Di's wedding after-party, no security icon in windscreen, in the dark, rural location, engine running. I reported my intentions by radio but the driver had nothing to say when I badged up and challenged if they were waiting for someone. This so-called 'Duke of Edinburgh' bloke in the back said, "My wife!".

"Ah, right. Right you are, guv" and I retreated silently backwards into the blackness of the woods, curtseying or something.
Was this him ?
images (3).jpeg
 
I was nearly killed outside Stings house, served cigarettes countless times to Keith Chegwin and had a piss alongside Timothy Spall in the Soho Theatre Bar.
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
I once sent a poo to Downing Street.
Amateur. Every other year I send poo to Guildford. No better place to send your poo. Except Newcastle obviously. Or Southampton, but I'm here already.

Guildford just happens to be where the NHS Colon Cancer Screening lab is.
 

Guns

ADC
Moderator
Book Reviewer
I once shagged David Coultard's cousin, she was in Bosnia doing some PR work and followed our ship to Malta for the VE day celebrations.
 
The story of my tenuous claim to fame involving the infamous Brian Paddick
I was at the time working for a retail stocktaking firm and that night was with about 30 others doing an overnight stock take of a Woolworths (remember them) in South London somewhere .
At 02.00 a lunch break was called and I was one of the first out the door for a much needed smoke . Just as I sparked up and with almost military precision 6 police cars pulled up to the curb , each with 2 coppers inside apart from the first which had an inspector in the back .
The back seater beckoned me over and wound down the window about 1/2 inch and lisped " what's going on here " ? So I replied it's a stocktake and he went into one , spitting feathers and at the same time lisping " Why wasn't I informed " ? " I must be informed of anything going on in my patch " If the window had been open a bit more I'm sure he would have chucked his teddy out the car .
Next he's asking who's in charge here ? get them for me . So off I toddled inside , found the guy running the job and he went outside a got an ear bashing for the next 15 minutes It was only on reflection I thought I should have gone back in and sat down for my packed lunch and said nothing and wait for the fireworks :)
The twelve coppers sitting in the cars looked bored as hell with his antics and I'm sure they were very embarrassed by his actions .
I remember thinking at the time they were all traffic cars as well .
So that's my tale of a night with the biggest poof in the Metropolitan Police :D
EDITED to correct some of the many spelling mistooks
Spelling mistooks? Officer Crabtree Walt.
How strange though, why would he be driving around in convoy at two in the morning?
 
Lordy, that brings back memories. The very first place that I lived in London was next to St. Mary's (I think) church on Castelnau, further up towards Hammmersmith Bridge.
Used to drink with a bunch of old-school blaggers and crims in the Gardeners Arms including Jumbo, a huge hill of a bloke with salami size fingers who was an enforcer and driver for the Krays.
Ooh, that'll be another tenuous claim to fame.


Sent from my karzi while losing several pounds

Hammersmith is a bit far west for the Krays, that was more Maltese territory in those days I think. Or had he retired?
 

Londo

LE
Spelling mistooks? Officer Crabtree Walt.
How strange though, why would he be driving around in convoy at two in the morning?
I think there may have been reports of odd happenings at the shop so with an over the top reaction he had all the traffic cars meet up and head to our location . The two coppers in each car were wearing hi vis. and my opinion were traffic rather than just bobbies pulled from local patrols or stations . They all looked incredibly fed up or bored with the typical hysterical performance of the future gaylord .
That was my take on it at the time and I'm sure there are arrsers on here who worked for him or heard about his antics that may be able to comment about his strange ways .
 

Londo

LE
Going to add to my last post the two coppers in each car just looked straight ahead the whole time they were there and took no interest in what was happening at all .
Im sure that if something had kicked off they would have got stuck in if they had to though .
I have heard of incidents where the normal coppers did like a bit of backup from traffic as they were normally big lads and quite handy in a ruck .
I'm also sure that they were just embarrassed at being there on this occasion .
 
Hammersmith is a bit far west for the Krays, that was more Maltese territory in those days I think. Or had he retired?

Oh, this was long past their retirement. It was always amusing to watch Jumbo keep control of himself when some arriviste nob had been apprised of his past and asked the usual bone question:
'So, did you do that murder, then? I mean, you WERE tried for it?'
Cue the atmosphere of an outlaw bar in a Western movie when a lawman or stranger walks in and the piano and all company fall silent.
Jumbo would lower his head, quite a feat for a bloke with no discernable neck, raise his water-blue eyes to meet those of said nob and quietly give his standard reply:
'You don't want to ask that sort of question son." and go back to his pint and telling of filthy stories (unless there were ladies present).
Trying to remember the really nasty West London Maltese family? I had the pleasure (?) of supplying one of the daughters for her call to the Bar.
Talk about keep it in the family.

ETA Just remembered. Mifsud. I can try to get back to sleep now (not for very much longer).


Sent from my karzi while losing several pounds
 
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In_Twists

Old-Salt
It has been hacked about (like every other boozer around here). The bar no longer goes around the back so that they could shoehorn the kitchen into it and that the brewery can make tidy sum renting out the top floors as two apartments.
Plus they changed the name to the Castle 'cos it is, like trendier izzit. FFFS.
Until recently, it was very difficult to get barred from there. Until several guv'nors ago, the only one I knew of was Loony Brian who sliced up a drug dealer that he owed cash to.
Now they make the weed smokers stand outside the plumbers' merchant next door.


Sent from my karzi while losing several pounds

Those were the days my friend...
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
The story of my tenuous claim to fame involving the infamous Brian Paddick
I was at the time working for a retail stocktaking firm and that night was with about 30 others doing an overnight stock take of a Woolworths (remember them) in South London somewhere .
At 02.00 a lunch break was called and I was one of the first out the door for a much needed smoke . Just as I sparked up and with almost military precision 6 police cars pulled up to the curb , each with 2 coppers inside apart from the first which had an inspector in the back .
The back seater beckoned me over and wound down the window about 1/2 inch and lisped " what's going on here " ? So I replied it's a stocktake and he went into one , spitting feathers and at the same time lisping " Why wasn't I informed " ? " I must be informed of anything going on in my patch " If the window had been open a bit more I'm sure he would have chucked his teddy out the car .
Next he's asking who's in charge here ? get them for me . So off I toddled inside , found the guy running the job and he went outside a got an ear bashing for the next 15 minutes It was only on reflection I thought I should have gone back in and sat down for my packed lunch and said nothing and wait for the fireworks :)
The twelve coppers sitting in the cars looked bored as hell with his antics and I'm sure they were very embarrassed by his actions .
I remember thinking at the time they were all traffic cars as well .
So that's my tale of a night with the biggest poof in the Metropolitan Police :D
EDITED to correct some of the many spelling mistooks
Brixton, by any chance? He was based in the station just down the road as Borough Commander, my mum was his PA when he was there.
 
Oh, this was long past their retirement. It was always amusing to watch Jumbo keep control of himself when some arriviste nob had been apprised of his past and asked the usual bone question:
'So, did you do that murder, then? I mean, you WERE tried for it?'
Cue the atmosphere of an outlaw bar in a Western movie when a lawman or stranger walks in and the piano and all company fall silent.
Jumbo would lower his head, quite a feat for a bloke with no discernable neck, raise his water-blue eyes to meet those of said nob and quietly give his standard reply:
'You don't want to ask that sort of question son." and go back to his pint and telling of filthy stories (unless there were ladies present).
Trying to remember the really nasty West London Maltese family? I had the pleasure (?) of supplying one of the daughters for her call to the Bar.
Talk about keep it in the family.

ETA Just remembered. Mifsud. I can try to get back to sleep now (not for very much longer).


Sent from my karzi while losing several pounds
".........you could leave your doors open..........good boys they were..........loved their mother.......looked after their own so they did......diamond geezers, absolute gentlemen et, etc".

Bunch of criminal wankers.
 
ISTR someone recently got a slap for using HoC paper for personal business?

On regular visits to the Palace of Westminster, I would often nick a number of sheets of HoLs and HoCs headed notepaper plus envelopes for the writing of threatening letters to friends from fictitious Peers and MPs.
Oh, the japes.


Sent from my karzi while losing several pounds
 

Londo

LE
Brixton, by any chance? He was based in the station just down the road as Borough Commander, my mum was his PA when he was there.
It wasn't Brixton as from what I remember it was a much nicer area but it wasn't that far away .
After all the intervening years , much booze and hundreds of shops worked in I can't now place the exact location .
 
I've got loads of shaky claims to fame via work including upsetting at least 4 British Prime ministers through either my comments or actions.:

1. Gordon Brown.
Filming with him in the gardens at No.10. I needed to get a shot of him signing a large football shirt: after the 4th attempt he buggered it up again. I muttered 'Oh for fuck's sake Gordon..' a bit loudly which he and the senior Press sec heard: not amused.

2. David Cameron.
We had to get a quick statement from him and we had no time to put up lights.
'I'm going to have put you by the window', I told him..
He said 'I want to do it here'
I replied 'We can't...'
He said 'listen - we're doing it here by the desk..'
'Then we won't see you we will we' says I.
'Oh, put your fucking light up then...' says Craig Oliver (His senior press secretary)

3.Theresa May
Every year I shoot a series of regional political interviews with the senior party leaders. I did Mrs May 2 years running and had a photo from the previous year. I noticed she was in exactly the same clothes .
During a break I said 'Prime Minister, I notice you're wearing the same outfit as last year'
'Oh no, I'm certainly not..' says she
'Oh yes you are..' says I and showed her the photo.
She was remarkably flustered and her press sec was not amused.

4. Boris Johnson (as mayor)
I was filming at a refuge for vulnerable homeless people at Christmas. Boris was due to visit and so the 'residents' had made a big Xmas tree out of odds and sods. I had a camera with a transmitter on the back to send live pictures. I was walking backwards getting a shot of Boris entering and the tree was pointed out to him... just as I crashed into the bloody thing, knocking it flying. Boris rushes over, trying to get the camera to point at me. The engineers in the Sat truck were amused to hear him shouting 'I'll show the nation the bugger who broke their tree...' Luckily we weren't live.

I've subsequently filmed him many times as PM and he denies he did it...
 
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